Diarrhea of the Mouth

If we don't get along with someone, why can't we just NOT talk; why do we have to go around tripping one another?
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 7, 1985
Friday

Dale called me between 2-2:30AM in the morning.
“You know…you pissed me off!”
“Why?”
“You know, I read my May 25th journal entry to Rachelle. She has never had a hold on any other parts of my journal!”
“It’s not that I was trying to cause a break-up between you and Rachelle,” Dale said, defensively.
“I don’t know about that.”
“You have to be more honest and hope to discuss everything with me,” Dale begged.
“Oh, sure…that’ll be the day.”
“Well, I won’t be talking to Rachelle anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I like her very much.”
“I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“I don’t want to see you in the morning to talk about this. I think we should just part as friends.”
“Fine,” I said, and hung up the phone.

Rachelle told me she’d been crying for the last twenty minutes. I find this hard to believe.
“I was talking to Dale…but we need to talk now,” Rachelle said, holding back tears.
“Why?”
“I want to know about your four month relationship with George.”
“Oh God, give me a break!”
She really set me off right ether. Dale’s a fuckin’ trouble-making bastard (whether he realizes it or not).

On my way to work this morning I was thinking of Dale and how I don’t wish to converse with him. Perhaps we won’t talk unless he takes the initiative. He claims that Rachelle knows other things from reading my journal. I know its all ‘bull’ because we fooled him. I only read to her what I KNOW I read. Dale has gone and had ‘diarrhea of the mouth’ as usual.

The work day moved fairly quickly. My supervisor, Stephanie, had the day off. Our section decided to have a pot luck celebration for Stephanie’s birthday. I hardly exchanged any words to Dale today. Ryan did invite me to go to break with him (and Dale). I accepted.

Ryan and I talked most of the time. Ryan got the vibes that Dale and I were not on speaking terms. He was correct. I was surprised when Dale said, “No, we’re speaking.”

At lunch I went on my own to visit my bank. Then I went to my car for Paloma’s mailing address. I wrote Paloma a lengthy letter. I wrote her a lot more about me that I had never shared with her before. I wrote a lot of the same information that Rachelle had recently learned. I cannot wait to hear from Paloma now. I need to know her reaction.

Paloma wrote me a lengthy letter about how she missed and loved me. She had written about some guy that she met who already wants to share an apartment with her. She wrote that she’s not interested. She claims Paris gents are different from Americans (a generalization?)

I have a June 7, 1985 postmarked postcard of MARILYN MONROE from Paris from Paloma.
She wrote:

Hello Michael,
Here is one more for your collection. Do you know that right now I’m writing you more than you are! I bet you just write me when you get one. I won’t say anything else—if you see what I mean. I miss you very much and I hope we’ll go dancing together very, very soon.
Love you,
Paloma

Dale appeared while I was on break with Sue and Mary. Sue and Mary were going to the countryside this weekend. There were going to invite me.
“It sounds great,” I said to Sue and Mary, “but I am going to the A’s game on Friday night and Bobby McGee’s on Saturday night.”

I came home to change clothes and I drove to Castro Valley to pick up Rachelle for the A’s Game. She wasn’t exactly ready, so I hung out for a while and looked through Heidi’s high-school yearbook. Once we arrived at the COLISEUM there were a lot of cars because there was also a Phil Collins concert.

Rachelle left me at my seat to get our hot dogs and beer. When she returned Ryan Hargrave and Bob Gross (from my office) showed up! They sat next to us. It was fun. The game was ‘so-so’. We managed to bear with the whole scene. As far as I was concerned “our” company (Rachelle and I) was all that mattered.

Rachelle wanted to go up to the third level of the stadium. I obliged with her wishes. Suddenly, she bumped into Rick, an old chum from her ‘Trock & Bock’ boot shop days. We talked to him for a bit and then went back down to our seats. Ryan and Bob had already left for the night. We hung out a bit longer and some ‘fellas’ by the snack bar were “ogling and haggling” over Rachelle. It made me feel jealous. At the same time it made me glad that she was mine. Why she turns to check out the other male scenery is beyond me. I feel it belittles me.

We went to my house and made love a couple of times. We kissed and caressed. She’s such a beautiful lady. I just hate her little nag about days and moments. The slithering dirty looks are annoying. It’s like she is yelling at me for no good reason at all. I was trying to be helpful while she was driving.
I said, “Rachelle, don’t tailgate so close to cars.”
She moaned and groaned.
“Rachelle, don’t turn that corner so tightly.”
“You ALWAYS correct me over everything!” She yelled out defensively.
I was silent. I thought she was crazy. I knew she’d been talking to Dale just because I correct him sometimes. It’s because he always does wrong, too. It was funny after the A’s game because we couldn’t find my car. Our being together and loving of one another was all the more memorable for me on this night.

There was over me a yearning for sleep, in some sort of blind belief that to wake would be to find things changed, and that any change must now be for the better. Before we parted, we discussed what our next step was to be, but we could arrive at no result.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

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I Ran

I understand why he travels so much—what he’s really doing is running away from those memories.
-Stefan Zweig
“The Post-Office Girl”

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 6, 1985
Thursday

I arrived at my parking lot in San Francisco early despite my going to bed late. I think I was on the phone with Rachelle until midnight. I need to call about a calling plan to Castro Valley tomorrow. My frequent calls there are getting out of hand.

When Dale arrived at the parking lot I had a few questions—or should I say a few confrontations. I accused him of lies and deceit. The 1983 song from the Thompson Twins is ringing in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x3TMBeX-ws

I asked Dale pointedly, “What exactly and Why exactly did you talk to Rachelle about me and Ryan?”
Dale reasoned, stuttered and asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, Rachelle asked me about my relationship with Ryan. I was dumbfounded. She said that you had asked her if I had ever told her about Ryan and myself.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh…and the only thing I could think to tell Rachelle was that Ryan’s ex, Ron, kind of liked me and wanted to do some things with me…but I told her that Ron and I never did anything.”
“I see,” Dale stated, acting as if he knew nothing.
“Then she asked me about my disease that you claimed that I have now! That stupid lie really pissed me off.”
“No, I never said either of those statements!”
All of this has led me to believe that Rachelle surely has an inquiring mind and wants to know. She knows how to fish for information. It’s no wonder Dale sees ‘himself’ in her.

Dale and I went to that Burrito place again near Union Square. He had some things on his mind.
“Michael, I’m unhappy with Dee.”
“Did you ask for a divorce or anything like that?”
“Not yet—but I love Andrew a lot. And between you and Rachelle AND Ryan and Joe I have a lot of wheelin’ and dealin.”
I laughed because I know he loves the involvement. I also think that he envies our relationships.
“What else is on your mind?” I asked.
“Well, you know my brother, Paul?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m suspicious that he may be having an affair with our newly introduced half-sister, Kim. In fact, I am sure of it and I’m not sure what to do.”
“That’s crazy.”
“I think it’s disgusting. I mean, it’s literally incest.”

Dale and I spoke during our last break and I think he is distraught over his mixed feelings and vibes between him and our second line manager, Larry.
Dale asked, “Are we still going to take that trip to San Diego in July?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“I’m thinking of taking Andrew and leaving to another state like Florida…or Hawaii. I’m not sure. I just want to get out of our office to spite Larry and for my own self.”
“Running away doesn’t solve anything, Dale. And starting a new life in another city is never the answer. You’d always want to vacate and go back to California or wherever. I know that’s how it would be. My short-distant move to Sacramento proved that.”

I started to think of the song “I RAN” by Flock of Seagulls from 1982.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUjIA3Rt7gk

Dale and Ryan went to aerobics class together. I wanted to go to my own gym last night and tonight but I promised Rachelle I would appear for her Certification ceremony as a Physical Therapy’s Aid Trainee tonight. She kind of upset me. She asked, “What are you going to wear?”
“Why?”
“I just don’t want you to wear your white cap, any boots or your suspender pants or those yellow shorts that Ryan bought you,” Rachelle blurted.
“Look…I wear what I want to wear.”
I thought, “I hope she loves me for what I am and NOT what I do or do not wear.”

I spoke to Ryan today.
“I’ll be joining you guys next Tuesday or Thursday for aerobics.”
“Great,” Ryan said.
I think it will be fun and rewarding in the long run.

I drove to Michael Bruno’s of San Francisco to buy the matching genuine leather journals that originated from A and M Leatherlines in New York, NY. I bought two of them. I have a nice black one for me and a red one (the excitement color) for Rachelle. I had Rachelle’s wrapped with ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ written on it.

Due to traffic difficulties I arrived home at 6:20PM. I had to rush and get ready for Rachelle’s ceremony. I wore my Khaki Calvin Klein pants and a short-sleeved summertime shirt. I arrived at the MARIN Career Center in good time. Rachelle was in the blue turquoise dress that we almost bought at MACY’s last week. She looked tall, beautiful and HOT. Sometimes I am in awe of her looks. I re-met her mom, dad, Grandma, girlfriend Heidi, and was introduced to Rich, her pal and Physical Therapist connection.

The awards were given in a junior high school Auditorium setting. It was nice. I applauded for Rachelle. I am very proud of her. She’s a success story of only about twenty graduates out of a class that started with fifty students. I am so impressed and proud of her ambitions. I love her more and more. After the awards we got together for cookies and punch. We gabbed for a while. Then she and Heidi followed me to the Black Angus. The girls were carded there, so we moved to another area. They never came by to serve us, so we moved on to Red Robin where we shared potato skins and laughed up a storm. Rachelle and I exchanged kisses a number of times.

I wonder where Rachelle and I will lead to in the end. I am recalling the conversation I had with her mom. Her mom casually mentioned the phrase ‘when Rachelle has kids’. Her mom also said something about her ‘working full-time or part-time before or while she’s married’. I knew her mom kind of knew where my head was at and I thought she was giving me signals. I would like to marry Rachelle. The question is will it happen now? Rachelle has a lot of questions—I am sure---about my ‘sordid’ past (as Dale likes to describe it).
Rachelle keeps saying, “It doesn’t matter.”
Then she suddenly loves and yearns to hear about every damn detail. Maybe that is why I love her. She’s the only gal I’ve ever dated that has known.

Dale said, “I’m going to write a book with three sections…The Dale Story, The Michael Story and The Ryan Story…and then let Dale, Michael and Ryan merge as three close friends and ‘then some’ to be announced.”
I couldn’t help but laugh and say, “Sounds like a hot story to me.”
I added, “I know I’ll have to clear up a lot of your writing with my red pen with corrections galore.”
He smirked. 

After the excursion at Red Robin we departed ways.
“I’ll call you at ten forty-five,” I said to Rachelle, as I glanced at my watch and saw that it was already 10PM.

I stopped by mom’s house. She’s on vacation this week. I’ve barely stopped by to visit, so I was kind of feeling bad about that. She seemed lonely but she was watching a VCR movie that she’d taped. I love mom. I love spending time with her because she is so damn fun. But now Rachelle has entered my life and I feel and want to spend more time with her. I hope mom understands.
Mom asked, “Are you coming over tomorrow?”
“No, because I’m going to that A’s game.”
Mom wouldn’t admit it but I know in the back of her mind she’d love me to stay with her to watch a flick or something.

I received a nice, surprise and “clincher of a last line” letter from Paloma today. She misses California and mentioned being jealous of Rachelle but not sure why. She wrote that she’d gone out with some guy but it is ‘yucky’ for her and has already started to hate him for practically planning and forcing seriousness between the two too fast. She’s working regularly and feels more out of shape than she had before. She can’t seem to feel the independence in Paris as she did here. That means she couldn’t go out by herself like she often did when she went to the I-BEAM to dance. She also wrote of the predicament of her never having spent the night with me, claiming it was my fault because I never really showed my feelings. As I backtrack in my mind I did feel shunned from her. The closing line Paloma wrote was a surprise and such a GREAT line:
“Tell me, what do you think about having a baby?”

PHOTO: Paloma, 1985

I guess I sort of do want a baby—but if and when it happens only time will tell. I will not rush the issue. I wonder if she feels she’s working her way back to the US through these subliminal phrases in her letters. Maybe I am imagining it all.

I spoke to Rachelle and I know she was just talking to Dale about me. We were supposed to have a three-way conversation without Dale’s knowledge. I was on the line but Rachelle denies being on the line. I have a sneaking suspicious that they’re talking now and Dale’s making his influential speeches about my past sexual behavior along with my current fascination for her.

Now that Rachelle knows these startling facts about me I want to give Paloma a chance to learn, see and analyze her reaction. I think I will! I’ll write her a controversial letter on Saturday—or even tomorrow—if I have time. I will spill my life as I recall it. Perhaps Paloma’s open-mindedness will be more rewarding for me.

I just telephoned Rachelle and she pissed me off. We had a conspiracy idea to gang up on Dale and now I almost want to cry. I called Dale and there was no answer on his phone at 11:30PM only because he’s ignoring his call waiting (me). I did the same on Rachelle’s line and she ignored me as well. Finally, Rachelle answered and she accused me of lying to her, going on about Craig of Palm Springs and how he went down on me and gave me ‘head’ in Hawaii. And how I got f%*#k’d before.
“As if you never did anything else, making me believe you didn’t enjoy it,” Rachelle shouted.
I couldn’t believe she was getting so graphic and to top it off I knew she was talking to Dale about me.

I have a good mind to NOT speak to either one of them because I am so damn pissed. I couldn’t hold back as I telephoned Dale.
“I’m talking to Rachelle and she tells me that she’s talking to Jim DeLoures of Walnut Creek,” Dale said.
I cannot take the shouting, the bickering.  I hung up.

I thought, “This relationship is not going to work. I want to CHOP IT right now—even though she says nothing has changed. I despise her monotone voice. The hatred she flung at me by wanting to make me feel that big (tiny) and embarrassed of it all. That is how I feel in discussing my homosexual experiences. Why can’t she accept US for what WE are now and forever hold her peace? If she continues to bring this up and hold it—the least bit—against me I do NOT want any part of it…or her for that matter. If she can’t accept my strong hold of love for her perhaps another woman will.”

And as for Dale I thought, “He tells of his analysis but only I know myself the bottom line. He has no business discussing my personal feelings based on his narrow-minded opinions. I sometimes hate the bloated Pillsbury dough man ‘IN’ him! He’s full of too much hot air for me to handle. My intent right now is to forever relinquish NOT one more word to him or Rachelle. I can bet that Rachelle will call to chew me out for no reason only because of Dale’s idiosyncrasies that bring value to her—not me! It is midnight and time for me to turn in. I’ll let my journal know if she calls me back and what we talk about. If we argue she’s a BITCH because there’s no point in it. I’m tired of trying to defend myself. I don’t need either one of them. Perhaps my new journal will begin with another name other than Rachelle. She’s too young and perhaps Dale’s right in one respect. She’s a bit too naïve.”

Last night was a bit of a fiasco as far as I can see.

So I can finish this diary, and GOD only knows if I shall ever begin another. If I do, or if I even open this again, it will be to deal with different people and different themes, for here at the end, where the romance of my life is told, ere I go back to take up the thread of my life-work, I say sadly and without hope.
-Joseph Conrad
“The Secret Agent”

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Just Like Any Other Relationship

I supposed that nature works on such a hopeful basis that we believe against ourselves that things will be as they ought to be, not as we should know they will be.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 5, 1985
Wednesday

I decided to have a talk with Dale Orlando.
“Listen Dale, Rachelle told me she’s read my journal. Now it’s your job to find out exactly what she has read.”
“I’ll get right on it!”

At about 2:15PM Dale proceeded to give Rachelle a phone call per my request.
“You can call her now, she’s home,” I advised Dale.
Rachelle had stated how two-faced Dale is and she couldn’t wait to talk to him.
At about 3PM I went over to Dale’s desk and he had a stressed out look on his face because I knew he was talking to Rachelle. He put her on-hold and spoke to me directly.
“Get a hold of that journal, Michael, and burn it!”
I smiled. I loved seeing the sweat on his brow. The perspiration started to spread to armpit stains on his shirt.

During break time Dale spoke emotionally.
“Michael, she is taking it a lot better than I thought. I told her that you love her very much and that all you care about is her.”
“She must have read a lot of dirt on me, huh?”
“I tried to explain to her that I can never tell whether you will turn back to a guy. I told her that it’s just like her relationship with Joe…like when she couldn’t tell whether or not he was cheating on her with another girl…only Michael has a wider market to delve into.”
“Oh great,” I said.
It all sounded good at the time but I really don’t know.

At lunchtime Dale, Ryan and I went to some burrito place. We went into a jewelry shop and I looked for a ring for Rachelle—but I did not buy anything--yet.

After break Dale let me three-way call on his conversation with Rachelle. She did say that her feelings have not changed towards me.
Rachelle continued, “I have no desire to break up or anything.”
To hear those words was a great test of her love for me!

After work Dale said, “Rachelle is going to talk to you tonight on the subject. She may ask you for graphic details but promise me you won’t tell her!”
“Okay, I promise.”
Dale started to reminisce on the same scenario he had when he was eighteen and trying to explain it all to his mother.

I went to my mom’s house and ended up napping there until seven o’clock in the evening.

After my nap at mom’s, I invited mom out and we went out to the Sizzler for a casual dinner.
“I need to buy two new journals, mom. One for me and one for Rachelle.”
“Really? I didn’t know you still wrote in your journal,” Mom stated.
“Yes, I do. I’m about to begin my eleventh book.”
She accompanied me to the Hallmark Shop where I was going to purchase two blank books there but I decided to save it for a couple of better ones elsewhere.

Once my little outing with mom was over I decided to go to the gym. When I arrived at the gym I realized I needed to see—or at least speak to—Rachelle as soon as possible. So, I called her from a nearby telephone booth. I ended up inviting myself over to her house.

We sat together on her living room floor and worked on her ‘career-living on your own real-life’ report for school. We exchanged a few kisses while we were working on it. She looked at me with a few ‘I wonder’; ‘I can’t imagine it’ sort of looks regarding my past.

Rachelle and I now have a plot to get Dale. I am going to engage him in a three-way phone call without letting him know that Rachelle is on the other line tomorrow. We are trying to scheme together to fool Dale. It’s so confusing to me because both Rachelle and Dale are so alike in their cunning and ruthless ways. It’s difficult for me to tell who’s on my side sometimes.

Rachelle, I feel, really listens to what Dale has to say. In essence, Dale influences her thoughts and feelings about me. I should be the only controlling force in her views of me. Dale may know me fairly well but I can hardly trust him all of the time. He seems to lie sometimes. Then he will tell the truth later. Regardless, my sole train of ‘intimate thought’ is upon Rachelle right now.

Although, I did receive a postcard from Paloma today. I was pleasantly surprised. I have tried to persuade Rachelle that Paloma and I are merely friends but I don’t know if it is working. She is clearly jealous of her. Rachelle claims that Paloma’s face is not pretty. I feel that is so cruel of her to say. Anyway, Paloma will always have a place in my heart. I am afraid to tell Paloma the entire goings on between Rachelle and me. I am not sure I want to completely break off my positioning with Paloma at this point. I do love Rachelle but there are things about Paloma that are key and very special within my heart.


She was HOT in bed, sure, but she could be a very cold fish if her mood changed.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

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It's Kind Of A Drag

Mikael got out of bed and went to stand naked at the kitchen window.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 4, 1985
Tuesday

It’s another day at the office and my last day riding in to San Francisco with Sherri.

During lunchtime Dale and I went to CARL’s JR. and we spoke of Rachelle’s urgency to get her hands into my journals.
“You know, Dale, I may be able to share a lot with you from my journals that you don’t even know.”
He frowned but I could tell that he was eager to know what I’ve written.

Work was really kind of a drag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq1fpN1qWv8

Rachelle called me once but I was on my break. When I tried to return her call—many times—there was no answer.

I telephoned mom and she said, “I have a package here for you from International Male.”
“Oh good, I’ll pick it up later.”
I can’t wait to see the striped yellow and gray shirt and the khaki colored shirt I ordered.

When I arrived home I immediately readied myself for the gym. I did a one set round on the Nautilus equipment and left.

I dropped by mom’s house for my package and had some rice and pink lemonade.

I telephoned Rachelle.
“Hi, I tried calling you a bunch of times today.”
“I got my haircut. Remember?”
“Oh yeah, and how does it look?”
“It looks the same.”
“So…what else is new?”
“Well, now that you mention it…I was talking to Joe.”
“What? Why? He still calls you?”
“Sometimes.”
“Okay, well I’ll call you back around nine-thirty after I leave my mom’s house.”

Later, I was getting comfortable underneath my bedroom covers and called Rachelle at nine-thirty. We ended up talking to one another until 11:30PM. Then, she called back and we talked until 2:45AM! Outrageous! At least our eyes were closed. I j—o’d while talking to her.
“I want Rodney to feel good,” Rachelle said.
And so, I obliged.

The key to our entire telephone conversation on this night started when I explained about Dale’s deceit. I explained how I was listening in on their conversation last Sunday.
“I knew about your conspiracy to locate and read my journals,” I revealed.
“I can’t believe it. I think I should work on Dale and catch him in a really big lie,” Rachelle said, hoping to comfort me in some way.
I decided to confess further and read aloud my journal entry from May 25th. I also told Rachelle about some of my past writings. For instance, I shared the story about Craig from Palm Springs that I met in Hawaii. I also told her about Jim, the Jesus of Los Angeles lookalike.

Rachelle questioned me about Ryan Hargrave.
“Nothing ever happened between Ryan and me,” I said truthfully. I began to wonder if she had heard something from Dale about him.

I could tell that Rachelle had taken a lot in for one night. She seemed to handle it well.
“I still love you,” Rachelle said.
“I love you, too,” I said, feeling so happy that our feelings for one another had not changed. We still love each other and want to be together so very much.

Things are moving too quickly and too strangely for sound sleep for any of us these times. I've been thinking that tomorrow night will not see things as they have been. We'll have to look back, and forward a little more than we have done.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

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Pussy-Whipped

Nothing ruffled him; perhaps it would be more accurate to say that he didn’t allow anything to ruffle him.
-James Kirkwood
“Good Times, Bad Times”, a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 3, 1985
Monday

June was beginning to be a full month ever since I had met Rachelle. WOW! She woke me at 6:30AM to remind me to leave the key under the doormat.

I picked up Sherri and this may be the last week of doing that since she found a new job. Boo Hoo. There will be no company to and fro. One drawback will be loosened though. I will be able to come and go as I please.

Dale’s dying to leave his section at work. He had a talk with the second line manager, Larry, over his supervisor, Pat.
Dale threatened Larry by saying, “I will take a six-month paternity leave of absence if I am not moved from that section!”

At lunch Dale never came downstairs, so I went to look for two new matching journal books. I wanted one for me and one for Rachelle. There was nothing I liked.

I had some rainbow sherbet during my break time with Sue and Mary. Mary’s back from vacation now. Yummy to the rainbow sherbet!

Sherri didn’t get to my car until 5:20PM. I finally got home and Rachelle was there, waiting for me. She had taken a shower and was in my bedroom in a robe that I bought while in Mexico. We lounged and she did ‘su su su dee oh’ on Rodney. It was fun. She’s on her monthly, so I had to use my Rosy Palm and my VIC (Vaseline Intensive Care) lotion.

Rachelle and I went to the gym after fiddling around. I made an attempt to read her journal. I actually read this tidbit:
‘He’s so gentle.’
She also wrote comments regarding Bob Maloney at the gym and how so in love she was of him before she learned what a stuck-up creep he was.
She allowed me to read some sweet excerpts from her journal but nothing too detailed.

While at the gym Bob Maloney was there. The other guy we often see greeted the both of us, too.
This guy said, “Oh, it’s the buffed ones.”
We laughed. I wondered if it was a complement or a cut-down. I wasn’t so sure. It was a hard workout for me today. I had not been there since last Wednesday.

Rachelle and I are going to an Oakland A’s baseball game on Friday thanks to Cindy Chow’s ticket donation. I thanked Cindy for them.

Rachelle ran into an old Jesus lookalike friend. And Susan, the aerobics instructor gave me an eye or two.
Susan said, “Hi, how are you?”
“Oh, I’m doing pretty well,” I replied and made sure that Rachelle wasn’t in on the tidbit conversation.
Rachelle and I departed with loving eyes and kisses while in her car.

Rachelle is getting her hair clipped tomorrow in Pleasanton. She made a copy of my house key.
I told her, “You are welcome any time.”
She liked that.

After the gym I went to mom’s house and we gabbed for a bit about family matters, including Sandy’s wedding from this last weekend. I learned that my cousin Becky Ortega is having her wedding next Saturday. I left to go to my place and called Dale. We talked about his plan to put a job transfer request to San Jose.
“I’m just mad at Larry because he hasn’t switched me from that section. I think I will fill out a transfer to San Jose.”

Rachelle called me and I read her parts of my journal that I had written about her. She thrived over the words I used. I could tell she liked what I had written.
Rachelle transferred some secrets. “You know, I wrote in my journal about your hairy chest when I first saw you at the gym.”
I laughed. “It’s not exactly that hairy.”
She laughed.
“Will you do me a favor?” I asked.
“What?”
“Don’t rap with Dale anymore about me.”
“Okay.”
I know she will though. We went to bed eventually (at 12:45AM). I love that girl so much. I wonder where and how far it will lead.


He seemed thoroughly pussy-whipped by her.
-Stieg Larsson
“The Girl Who Played With Fire”

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The Sunday Spaghetti Dinner

In some faculties of mind he has been, and is, only a child. But he is growing, and some things that were childish at the first are now of man's stature. He is experimenting, and doing it well.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 2, 1985
Sunday

Dale was the first to call.
“I’m at SAFEWAY and I’ll be right over after I finish shopping for the pasta goodies,” Dale said.
“Oh okay, that sounds good.”

I think Steff called for a few minutes, too. I really wish she’d stop calling me.

Dale arrived and I helped him unravel the four bags of groceries. It looked like he bought food for an army!

I rummaged through the brochures Dale picked up yesterday when he went to the Gift Center with his wife, Dee.

I spoke with Rachelle while I was making a salad (a good one, too).
“I’ll call you when I get back from the Card Show. Is that okay?”
“Oh all right.”
“Wait a minute Dale wants to talk to you.”
“Hi Rachelle…Michael’s in the shower now so you can tell me anything.”
I was really upstairs, listening on the other phone line. I found out that Rachelle has been confiding in him all along. I don’t like it!
Rachelle said, “I have some ideas to get into his journal.”
I couldn’t believe she was sharing ideas about plotting against me. What a ruthless one she is. Dale helped her, too.
Dale said, “I just want to warn you because I’m sure there’s some bad stuff about me in that journal. I don’t want you to hold it against me.”
She giggled.
I couldn’t believe it. Neither one of them knew I was eavesdropping on the phone upstairs.

Dale and I went outside and I was very suspicious at this point.
Dale asked, “What color car does Rachelle have?”
“Silver, why?”
Apparently, Rachelle was right around the corner. Dale was going to leave the door open for her to rummage through my journals. If she did read my journal it would be scary. Then again, I guess it would depend on what parts she was reading. How would I explain?

Dale couldn’t hold back and gave me his usual “I told you so” line. He had warned me before that Rachelle would try to get her hands on my journal.
“Rachelle reminds me of me at her age,” Dale confided.
I certainly thought that was scary. I also learned that Rachelle had told Dale about the fact that I had told Rachelle that I was a virgin (in terms of intercourse with only her). Dale was just flabbergasted. I was embarrassed and simply denied it.
“That’s not true!”
I thought I weaseled my way out of it—but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Only “I” know the extent of my virginity—NOT my journal or anyone else. It pisses me off that Rachelle tells Dale about our having sex and stuff like that when she turns around and asks me, “Did you tell Dale about us?”
I remember my answer clearly, “No, why?”
“Oh because Dale said something about the NIGHT I spent the night with you, so I was wondering.”
I am dumbfounded. I am curious about her.
I explained to Dale, “Rachelle is that curious way because she watches too may soap-operas.”
The funny thing is that Dale watched a lot of soap-operas and so did I in our teen years. It just bothered me that Dale had that continued pressure on me with his words about the suspicions of my being a virgin. I think I chopped his curiosity in half.

Dale and I came home and drank Margarita’s. Dale made his homemade spaghetti. It was all good. Marty came and joined us. Boo Hoo. We transferred the feast to my mom’s house for mom, Dad, John, Sherri and Ashley to get their spoonfuls. There was so much food leftover.

Dale also made me some ice-cream, too. He is so kind in some respects. I made accusations earlier about him spilling the beans on unnecessary information about Karyn Kossoff and me. Why did he have to say these things to Rachelle? Shit! What a troublemaker.

Dale left after the big decision I made about NOT going over to Rachelle’s house tonight. It was late and I simply enjoyed being home, eating ice-cream. I did telephone Rachelle before I went to bed. We had a lovey-dovey chat. I reminisced about our last meeting and the next one.
“Rodney is getting all excited,” I said.
She laughed.
“Why don’t you leave your house key under the doormat for tomorrow?”
“I can do that.”
“Great, because then I can come meet you after work.”
“Okay,” I said, realizing that I will have to be sure that all of my journals will accompany me to work tomorrow.

Then she saw his childlike boyish smile, which she took for a redeeming feature.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

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Send Me An Angel

"Just treat me like a grown-up, okay?"
-An Education (2009 Film)

PHOTO: Michael J Armijo, Rachelle Davies


Twenty-five years ago today:

June 1, 1985
Saturday

Wouldn’t you know it? The telephone rang much too early. Three times! Thanks to Dale, mom and Steffanie.

I got pissed at Dale for telling Rachelle extra shit about me and Karyn Kossoff and ‘junk’. And apparently he denies it, claiming he is innocent.
Dale said, “I’m going to reaffirm an ‘I told you so’ phrase.”
I kept wondering what that story will be all about.

I went to mom’s house for breakfast. Then I rushed to GRODIN’s for the pink dress shirt and a new T-shirt to go with my Jay Jacobs blazer that I’m planning to wear today for the wedding. It’s a funny thing. It was Raymond, the black fellow that works at the gym who sold me the shirt at GRODIN’s. He was pretty nice.

I went home and dad telephoned to see if he could borrow a belt of mine, knowing full well one of my belts wouldn’t fit around his waist. I laughed. John borrowed a belt and only one of my belts fit him.

As I showered I began to recall my conversation with Rachelle.
I thought how I said, “I would comply with your wishes. I would go ahead and support your decision if you are pregnant.”
She felt better when I said it even if I wasn’t totally comfortable with it. I was to meet her at 2:30PM today.

I picked up Rachelle and we ended up going to the wrong wedding. It was a crack-up. Mom’s cousin Judy, her husband Max, and her daughter Diane were there making the same mistake. We went stage right and got right up off of our seats as soon as we saw the wrong bride coming down the aisle. It was so funny. How could this happen?

We eventually found the right wedding and the reception was at Knowland Park’s Snow Building. It was fun except when I spilled champagne on Rachelle’s dress.


PHOTO: Joe Nelson Armijo, Ashley Marie Armijo
Virginia Marie Lucero-Armijo

Sherri and Helen looked divine. It was nice seeing cousins that I rarely see. I thought my first cousins Lori, Sonja and Mandy looked RC (Real Cute).

The band played some Latino-type music at times that I thought was just horrible. We left the reception after Tony and John made their vanishing act.

Rachelle drove the car to my house so that I could change my clothes. Then we went to her house so that she could change her clothes. My head had a headache. I was buzzing from the champagne bubbles.

We stopped by Rachelle’s friend (Heidi) for convenience-sake. Rachelle and Heidi reminisced about good times and other fiascos they’d experienced as youngsters. They seemed to have recent memories, too. I laughed when they laughed about the time that Heidi took a pee in their classroom.

We left not long after and had a hot chocolate at LYON’s Restaurant. Then we went to see the movie “The Nightmare on Elm Street”. It was kind of scary. I was tired but it was still fun being with Rachelle. I love Rachelle so much. Her smile, her youth and her touch mean more than I can say. It’s like that one favorite song of mine by REAL LIFE called ”Send Me An Angel” keeps ringing in my ears. Well, in Rachelle…God has sent me an angel. The lyrics in that song make me think of her so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6zBjYIyz-0

Both Rachelle and I apologized for our actions last Friday night. It made our love for each other grow a bit more. Making up over silly fights or arguments is fun. The making up part always feels so good. I love making love to Rachelle.

After the show we drove—or rather Rachelle drove---by Castro Valley Boulevard and saw Rachelle’s friend, Danee. Danee is a blond, braced-tooth sixteen year old who seemed very nice; however she was out on this night at some corner of a Quality Tune-Up shop with a number of other fella’s. According to Rachelle, only one (Matt) is supposedly her beau.

Rachelle and I went for a shared omelet and coffee at a nearby SEASONS Restaurant. Rachelle was bleeding a whole lot.
“It’s making me worry,” Rachelle said.
I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It made me worry, too.

We parked nearby the front of her house in Castro Valley and talked and got ‘lovey-dovey’. We reminisced about how we met and other good times. We spoke of the sensitivity of her clitoris and how we’ll have to do more exploration there. We laughed. When she was about to go inside her house she said, “You know, after the wedding today I thought I should have a baby now…if I was pregnant.”
I smiled, thinking, “What an indecisive girl.”
Oh well, she may be on her period now. Who knows? Or it could be nerves or it could be due to more than usual “extra-sexicular” activities.

When I picked up that rock outside her house I pretended it was a frog. She made a tiny screech that turned me on. It made me want to hug her. I wanted to let her know it was all right. She went inside her house after a last kiss of the night. I drove home and could not wait to sleep after the long day. It was one of the most fun and non-threatening (and loving) days I’ve ever had…with Rachelle.


I felt like I was hanging on a cliff. I didn't know where we'd go next.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

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