I Know He's Iffy

"I've had many enemies over the years.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's never engage in a fight you're sure to lose.  On the other hand, never let anyone who has insulted you get away with it.  Bide your time and strike when you're in a position of strength--even if you no longer need to strike back."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 19, 1985
Wednesday

It’s difficult to recall what happened at work today. Dale returned from being sick. He and Rachelle still have plans of looking into scuba diving.

I want to be on ‘The Wheel of Fortune’ show but I have to call the first week of July to schedule an appointment.

Work was really kind of a drag. Stephanie Redding finally called me at work with a real order to place. It’s been a while since she’d called on business. I let Rachelle listen while I talked to her. Rachelle pressed her touchtone beeper when Stephanie made some remark. That was funny.

I went straight to the gym after work. Bob Maloney showed up. He waved to me while I was on the Life Cycle. As Rachelle would put it, “I know he’s iffy.”

Bob Maloney may be tempting for a night or two—and then some but I would never disclose this to Rachelle. She’s right. He does have a nice body but just wait until I’ve been exercising and lifting weights steadily for one and a half years (like he has done). I’d best watch my diet though. I better keep away from Rachelle and her pizza and ice-cream sundae cravings!

After two sets on the weights and twenty-four minutes on the Life Cycle I went to my car. I sat in the driver’s seat and finished writing the card to Rachelle. The card depicted a picturesque, elegant bed. I hope she likes it. I went to her house. Her mom, stepdad and brother were there.

Rachelle’s mom is a sweetheart. I believe she thinks I am nice, too. Her mom and stepdad are both very nice to me. Her brother, Billy, is pretty nice, too. Rachelle’s mom made some excellent homemade peach pie. Yummy! Rachelle’s mother and I were trying to be subtle about it—but we both were trying to persuade Rachelle against the idea of scuba diving. She is a stubborn child sometimes.

Rachelle and I and Billy played Monopoly. The game couldn’t  last longer than half an hour with the stubborn, spoiled Rachelle playing the game. I landed on her Kentucky Avenue and she didn’t notice until after Billy tossed the dice for his turn. I wouldn’t pay her rent, so she quit because it wasn’t fair! If she had been paying attention and asked to collect the rent it would be a different story. It reminds me of my little brother John’s ‘growing up’ days. He used to do that until he got his way. What burned me is when Rachelle said, “And you can leave the house, too.”
That really burned me inside but when I started to leave she jumped up and said, “No, wait!”
Why I returned is beyond me. We sort of made up through hugs and kisses. When I see her smile of innocence and that caring look I want to melt inside.

1982 Song: “I Melt with You” by Modern English
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuN6gs0AJls

I guess it is ‘pure love’. We left her house and parked up at a nearby park in Castro Valley. We looked out at the view and then drove down a bit. We began to have a very serious talk.
“I have to tell you something, Rachelle.”
“What--go ahead?”
“Well, I’m tired of hearing you say that maybe we should break up after having those little argumentative fights that you always start.”
“I start?”
“Yes…and you don’t need to even start it in the first place!”
She really needs to be refrained from her ‘No No No’ way of complaining. She needs to be able to let go and say, “Yes Yes Okay.” It’s like she’s been getting away with it all of her life.

Who knows? We departed as lovers once again.

Peace returned, like the cooler air after a storm.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

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Jealous Journals

His moods change so rapidly that I find it difficult to keep touch of them, and as they always mean something more than his own well-being, they form a more than interesting study.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

A card dated 1985 from Dale Orlando:
PHOTO:

 'Girls will be Girls...'
But You're an Absolute Bitch!
We both are!!!
All right. I give in. Let's stop fighting and be sisters again. I am sorry I got upset with you, I should understand where you are coming from, and I do.

I just believe I could have fun any where, anytime, with anyone, as long as it's people I like being around!!! You can't--oh well.

Please come out with us tonight, I enjoy your company and love your friendship and great humor. Please Car Pool with us Friday.
Love Your Fav Sister,
Dale 
of "Chip n' Dale's", Division of AEI, Inc.

PS. Let me be bossy once in a while!

 





PHOTO: Another card dated 1985 from Dale Orlando:

'Devil or Angel'...Either way, you take the cake!
It's true...it's true. OH yes, it's true. I know...grow up!
Chip,
I am so sorry for all of the heartache you are suffering. I know what you are going through. Paloma does not really know what she is giving up by giving up you. Someday she will realize her error and it will be too late. You are a very special person, in a class of your own. The lucky person who receives your love, loyalty and devotion will be the wealthiest person alive. Truly worth your weight in gold. Please know you can come to me with any problem and receive my help. 
Love you, 
Dale of 'Chip and Dale's'.



June 18, 1985
Tuesday

Today is ‘Summer Safety Fun Day’ at the office. I wore a white shirt and yellow shorts. We were supposed to dress for summer.

Today is Margaret Lai’s birthday. I wrote out a card for her this very morning. I waited for Cindy Chow to help her with her goodies, too.

Margaret really liked her Rodeo Drive-Beverly Hills card and the long letter that I wrote. She’s sweet.

At 11AM Rachelle called me to pout about not having change for a ten dollar bill. She was at the San Leandro BART station. She was able to somehow get change and was waiting for me in the lobby by noon. The heel of her shoe was broken so we settled on the corner café for my usual turkey sandwich (and she had her usual roast beef sandwich). It was great to see her. She was wearing a dark turquoise dress and looked as delicious as ever.

She came up to my office and sat with me until 3PM or so. She even listened in on a few client calls.

I forgot to return a call to Cam (from MACY’s) who called my Dad yesterday. It was about a job—I guess.

At lunch, Rachelle and I had an argument in my car. She was trying to rip my picture of Paloma. She did rip it just a little. I ripped Joe Smith’s photo a teeny crevice of a bit and she almost had a heart-attack. She pulled my hair! It hurt! I hate when she’s so domineering and—needless to say—violent! Before giving her the keys to my car I made her give me a promise.
“I promise I will NOT read your journals,” Rachelle said.
I handed her the keys.

By 5PM she was in my car, writing in her own journal. She supposedly did not read my journals. It was later that I learned that she only skimmed through them. She read about George Jones and Tammy Duhr. I read her journal when we got to my house. She had remarks about Jeff (the aerobics instructor) and a little bit about Bob Maloney. She wrote ‘Bob is the sexiest guy she’s ever seen.’ Give me a break! 

Was that a planted line for me to read? I wonder if she knows that I may have seen sexier girls than her as well. We had an argument about reading each others’ journals. We especially argued about the topics on Jeff, Bob, Joe and Joe’s ‘Robert’. Apparently, Joe’s dick had a nickname, too (Robert). It hurt me to read those things. Yes, it made me jealous. While I know she loves me I know I shouldn’t worry.

We started to make love again until I was about to cum—and she backed away in order for me to pull out. What a frustrating moment once again. We’re back in good terms though.
Rachelle said later, “I am dying to read Paloma’s next letter.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
She had plans to start reading all of my journals, beginning with the first one. That bugs me. What happened to her earlier promise? I don’t want her reading my innermost past. Who knows what I may have written back then?

Well, Rachelle and I went to her house. She had to take her car home. Glenn yelled over and told her that her Dad and Billy were up at the park near Lake Chabot. We went up there and her dad got on my case.
Rachelle’s Dad yelled to Rachelle, “Grow up!”
I said, “Ha…That’s what I always say!”
He stormed over to my car window and got on my case about making a remark. Both Rachelle and I tried to explain what I had said. It wasn’t derogatory towards him in any way.
Then Rachelle’s Dad said, “You have no right to talk to her that way.”
We started to drive off and I repeated to Rachelle, “I think your dad is jealous of me.”
When I said it I tried to enunciate clearly so that her father could hopefully read my lips. Oh well, I do hope there are no hard feelings. I thought he was pretty rude.
Rachelle agreed, “I thought he was rude, too!”

A mind that stays at the same capacity cannot live forever; after a few thousand years it would look more like a repeating tape loop than a person.
-Ray Kurzweil
"The Singularity Is Near"

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Sensitive

I suppose a cry does us all good at times, clears the air as other rain does.

-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 17, 1985
Monday

Rachelle may be coming by my house today. She is also going to Jeff’s work out class which means I may not see her when I get home. Boo hoo--but I will see her at the gym (at least).

Mike Thoennes heard me wake up this morning. He left at the same time I did (which is good). I didn’t want Marty, my roommate, to feel ‘bugged’ by the unfamiliar visitor. Then again…’what the hell’…it is my pad. I can let whomever I choose to come and go as I see fit.

Rachelle left her pink scarf in my car. I like to smell it. She’s also left other sorts of tangible items like panty hose, hair brushes, lipstick, hairspray, belts, etc. It’s nice having her stuff around because it reminds me of her, making me feel closer than ever.

Dale stayed out until 4:30AM yesterday. He looked really beat tired and ‘out of it’ today. I made him walk with me to my Deputy Teller machine at Great Western during my first break. At lunch we went to Don Miguel’s. He loves that ‘heavy’ Mexican food. Yuck! I can easily do without it. I’m glad Rachelle has no real liking for it.

Dale got to go home early, feeling sick. Stephanie Bautista let me be her RD (Research & Development) person this afternoon while she went to the dentist. I was acting manager for the section. It was an easy task.

At 5PM traffic was unusually light. I made it home by 5:30PM. I went straight to the gym. Rachelle was there with her mom, ready to start Jeff’s aerobic class. Jeff’s the one with the gay tights, the balding head and the big gross bulge in his crotch area. I did my twelve minutes on the bike with one set of weight training. Rachelle and I left after the workout.

Rachelle was making me feel jealous again by talking about ‘what a dick’ Jeff was because he kept correcting her aerobic moves. Why should she care so much whether he’s a dick or not? Who gives a hoot! Oh well, Rachelle continued.
“I noticed Bob Maloney was not at the gym,” she said.
“Big deal,” I said, wondering why she was searching for him in the first place.
I was thinking about how Rachelle had read my previous Journal number “10” today, taking it home with her tonight. I forget what I wrote but now I am nervous. I am wondering what comments I may have written about Bob Maloney. I seem to recall noticing his “QBL-ness” and my feelings of finding him attractive. I mean, Bob is a possibility—but there would be ‘no way’. Rachelle will hopefully know and realize that.

Rachelle drove to my house with me after the gym. We ordered a La Val’s Pizza, having juice to go along with it. The pizza was good but I didn’t feel rewarded after I had just done a workout. Then, of course, Rachelle and I got into an argument.
“I don’t think you like me anymore,” Rachelle announced.
“Come on,” I said.
“No, I don’t think you do—and I don’t think Rodney does for that matter.”
“Why? Is it just because Rodney wasn’t hard for a minute?”
“No.”
“You’re too much,” I said, finding out later that she was only kidding with me.
I am sensitive to those things. It’s not that I don’t love her. I just want her to get all excited and then let Rodney ‘get into the groove’ later. Why does she belittle me and act so ‘bitchy’ over little things like that? I was upset over it. There was one moment tonight when she wanted me to come closer to her. I didn’t, so it made her give me a snide remark:
“I bet if I were Paloma you’d be getting a lot closer!”
I thought silently, “Oh damn, why did she read my journal?”
Rachelle confessed. She actually read that I craved fucking Paloma and stuff! I’m totally embarrassed. I hope Rachelle doesn’t confront me with that particular line. So far, Rachelle has mentioned Stephanie and her nonchalant, bitchy, lying ways. She told me she laughed about my ‘wildly fucking feelings’ after a gym workout. Who knows what else she laughed about? She made me mad by showing me Joe Smith’s ring that belonged to his mother (which she was actually wearing!). Was that really supposed to make me feel good? Oh well, we made up anyway. It was funny how we made up.

I said, “You know…I don’t want to see you anymore.”
After I said it I felt like taking it back with an “Oh no, I don’t mean that at all.”
I didn’t though. I saw a few tears come to her eyes. Then a few tears were behind my eyes but were not easy to come out. So, it was an immediate make-up and we were back together. I kissed her. She kissed me. We went upstairs. We touched. We made love. Then, she forced me ‘out of her’ after I was just ‘at that point’. It was one hell of a frustrating moment.

I was going to share anal intercourse with her, too—but Rodney wasn’t hard enough. And besides—she felt kind of irritated because she had forgotten to take her Today Sponge out and the sudsy stuff got on Rodney. It didn’t feel too good. We started to make love again and it was great until she pushed Rodney ‘out of the box’ again. What a letdown!

Rachelle drove me back to the gym because my car was still parked there. We departed happily with a kiss. I was home quickly. I called Rachelle when she began to read ‘word for word’ excerpts out of my Journal Number “10”. She took it home with her! God help us all…especially if she reads my first eight journals! She knows enough about me. Shit! We said goodnight to one another and I am only wondering what she’ll read about NOW.


I seize this moment when courage comes to me, to resist, the power which drags me onward without inquiring whether or not I have the force to follow. Who is she?
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

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The Shallow Parts

"You know what's scary about committment?
Your life becomes real."
-Passengers (2008 Film)

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 16, 1985
Sunday

I called Rachelle but I guess her ringer was set to ‘OFF’.

I called mom
“Hi, I’ll be over for a bite, okay?”
“Okay.”

Somehow I finally got through to Rachelle (probably) because she called me at my mom’s house. She persuaded me to go over to her house at twelve-thirty today.
“I’ll make you lunch, okay?” Rachelle asked sweetly.

I stayed at mom’s house after the phone call. Mom went to the grocery store while I fell asleep to a taped episode of ‘The Young and The Restless’. When I woke up mom was just returning home. I decided to leave for Rachelle’s (as promised).

Rachelle and I had a hot dog, fruit, a peach yogurt, unsalted chips and lemonade. It was all good. She’s a sweetheart. We went to the Valley Shopping Center. She showed me a summer dress that she just loved. I’m thinking about getting it for her. She bought some film, too.

We went to Glenn’s backyard (Billy’s friend—Billy is Rachelle’s little brother) and took a dip in the swimming pool. It was a really nice backyard. We had fun.
Rachelle said, “I’m going to teach you how to swim.”
“It’s okay. I’m comfortable in the shallow parts.”

By 3PM I was driving back to Alameda because she was going to Bobby McGee’s for a family dinner.

I had previously made plans to go to Helen’s family dinner gathering at the Mayflower Restaurant in Oakland. When I arrived at mom’s house I found my brother, Tony, to be the only one there.
Tony said, “Mom, Dad and Helen went to see some model homes for sale in Alameda.”
“Oh, I was wondering. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

I suddenly received a surprise phone call. It was Michael Thoennes. I thought he was living in Oregon. He was actually in Milpitas and on his way to Sacramento tomorrow. His Grandmother bought him a car and he’ll be living at his Grandma’s house for free while he’s going to school out there.
“I may stop by tonight,” Michael said.
“Okay. It’s okay for you to spend the night,” I said.
“Okay, I might do that.”

Dale called and wanted me to meet him for a drink. He was with his step-mother. I didn’t go. I was too tired. I did attend the dinner with Helen’s family. It was mellow and nice. It was nice to see Geneva (Helen’s sister), Derrick and Nicole again. Helen’s five months along in her pregnancy already. Wow!

When I arrived home I found myself on the phone with Dale once again.
“Yeah, so Mike Thoennes called and he might come by tonight.”
“What kind of friend is he?” Dale asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well…”
“I don’t appreciate that question…at all.”

I got off the phone from Dale and decided to call Rachelle. When I explained about Mike Thoennes calling she began to question me along the same lines as Dale. I hate that!

PHOTO: Mike Thoennes

Oh well, Mike Thoennes came over at 10:30PM. I was on the phone with Rachelle at the time of his arrival.
“I love you. Good-bye,” I said to Rachelle.
“You know that you and Rachelle are welcome to come over to Sacramento and stay with me anytime,” Michael Thoennes said.
“Oh, that’s nice of you.”
“While I was in Oregon I was seeing a girl named Amanda. It was neat because a few years back I used to make it with her sister, Ginny.”
I laughed.
Mike stayed the night.

I slept soundly until Rachelle called at 'God knows what hour of the morning'. I wonder if she had suspicions about Mike Thoennes and me. I hope she realizes that while I’m with her I could never two-time her with anyone. And while I may turn my head and look—I’d never touch. Rachelle and Candy is my ideal comfort zone for now and for good (I hope). I love her lots.

Danny Garcia called earlier this evening, too.
“I can’t come by on Tuesday after all but maybe we can meet up on Thursday.”
“Okay,” I said, but now I don’t know if I really want to meet him on Thursday.
“I just want a friend to confide in and feel comfortable with,” Danny said.
“I know,” I said, but I still have sneaking suspicions that he’d love to screw around with me. I have no desire for him whatsoever.

While Rachelle may call me in the early AM (or whenever) it makes me love her more to know she cares to call. I saw her bedroom for the first time yesterday. It’s really very nice. I like the album covers that she has up on her wall. I plan to buy COREY HART’s new album and add it to her collection. I love his song “Never Surrender”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ8-Bbgs9zQ


On this same date Paloma was in Paris writing this postcard:
This is the image of the postcard:

Paris, 16 Juin, 1985

Dear Michael,
Just want you to know that I still think about you very much. Why aren’t you writing anymore? Is something wrong? I hope you will always tell me. I haven’t been able to write much lately like I was planning to because of something. It would be too long to tell you in a letter. What about you?
Anyway, I really hope to hear from you soon.
Love you,
Paloma

Time will mellow it, make it a moment for laughter.  But now it was not funny, now I did not laugh.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

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You Better Love Somebody

"What makes me so cross is that you're abandoning ship all of a sudden.  You're leaving me in the lurch when things are absolutely at their worst ever."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 15, 1985
Saturday

Happy 28th Anniversary mom and dad!

Rachelle was not answering her telephone this morning, so I went to mom’s for a bit. Afterwards, I washed my car and then went to the gym to work out until it was almost 11:30AM. I telephoned Rachelle at that time and she answered this time.
“I’ll be right over,” I said.
“Okay.”

I picked-up Rachelle and we went to my house. We started to fool around but didn’t. I guess Rodney really is on restriction from Candy (so Rachelle says).

We went to the pool and my brother, John, Sherri and Heidi were there. Rachelle had her COSMOPOLITAN Magazine. I had my “M” Magazine. We lounged and did our lay out bit under the sun. Rachelle and I played up to the fact that she graduated last Thursday. Little do they know that she graduates next year! My cousin, Shonette West, will be a freshman at her high-school when Rachelle is a senior.

After the pool gathering we went to my house to fool around. I had a suave experience with her. It was “ultimo”. I kind of liked it without in one way—and then again—it was okay. I don’t know. I think Rachelle loves making love to me no matter what. I know I do to her.

Then we went to the Alameda South Shore Beach and stayed lying there on the sand for about an hour and a half. We went back to my house. I telephoned my mom to see what she was doing tonight. The game plan was to get Rachelle to watch her Rick Springfield ‘Hard to Hold’ VHS-videotape on mom’s VCR.
Mom said, “Yes, it’s okay for you to come watch it over here.”
So, I drove to Castro Valley to get the tape at her house and then we returned to my mom’s. We ordered a Canadian Bacon Pizza for delivery. Mom was in her room watching another show, so we had our privacy. Dad was working. Then it began to bug me to watch Rachelle get all queasy every time they showed Rick Springfield on the tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfqcnvlWKoQ

She loves me more than Rick Springfield though (I think). I hope…or maybe to her I’m just the ‘next best thing’. Wouldn’t it be interesting if she dropped me for Rick Springfield and then he faded into a nothingness rock star as time went by (and then I became an infamous star of some sort later)? She would dream on about having me back. I’m sure.

After the ‘Hard to Hold’ show we went back to my pad and got in a heated argument. I was truly hurt.
Rachelle said, “You think only of yourself during our lovemaking.”
“What? You know that’s not true.”
“Yes, you don’t care enough about my climaxing.”
“Well, you sure always seem to be having a good time from what I can tell.”
She shrugged.
Seriously. I thought she felt me inside of her. What is she talking about? She claimed she doesn’t really feel me inside. I was hurt.
To top it off she actually said, “One time Joe Smith made my legs shake because I almost came.”
It may not have been those exact words but it was something along those lines.
Then she suddenly backlogged with an old fight saying, “And how and why do you keep writing to Paloma?”
I explained in the only way I thought I could.
“I write to her because Paloma’s my friend. I wanted to find out if she was bisexual and if she ever suspected about me being attracted to guys. I wanted to see how she would react. You KNOW the story, Rachelle!” I shouted.
“Well, I’m upset,” Rachelle shouted back.
I knew it was all because of what she had read in my journal. I really liked Paloma and I can’t just banish my feelings for her totally. I wanted the fight to end.
So I said, “I won’t be writing to Paloma anymore, okay?”
I don’t know whether or not I really won’t.

Eventually, Rachelle and I made up. She admitted to being out-of-line in reference to my lovemaking and my hot ---. We went upstairs and we got into some heavy stuff.
In the middle of it all, Rachelle making comments about wanting me to cum—but I don’t know if ‘it was psychological or what---but her stating that couldn’t get me to cum…so we got tired out. Or at least Michael got tired out…so we called it a night.

Rachelle drove home in my car. We were suddenly all lovey-dovey again. I loved hearing that “Three Times a Lady” song when it came on the radio…at seventeen or thirty-two…I love her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5ruDqdZn_s

Our fleeting happiness here below is the forerunning proof of another and a perfect happiness, just as the earth, a fragment of the world, arrests the universe.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

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Buddy-Buddy

There are no innocents. There are, however, different degrees of responsibility.
-Stieg Larsoon
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 14, 1985
Friday

Ma and Pa received the Anniversary cards I sent them. They liked them, too.

I spoke to Rachelle several times throughout the day. She is going to accompany me to Pittsburg tonight to have dinner at Dale’s house. She went to my place again today and took her brother and a couple of his friends to the Islandia Pool and the Alameda beach.
Rachelle said, “While I was at the beach you’ll never guess who I ran into.”
“Who,” I asked with major league curiosity.
“You know that aerobics instructor, Jeff, at our gym.”
“Oh God, he’s so Q.B.L.”
“Yeah, and he was wearing a blue striped bikini!”
“Well, that answers the Q.B.L. question.”
She laughed and said, “And yeah, some black dude tried to swoop on me and so did Ron, the windsurfer.”
“Oh great, do you mean the so-called friend of mine, Ron?”
“I think so.”
“Yes, he’s the one who wanted me to take up windsurfing.”
“That’s funny because he invited me to go windsurfing with him.”
“Did you?”
“No way,” replied Rachelle.
Lucky for me she didn’t windsurf with him. Then again, he’s kind of Q.B.L., too. So…whatever.

After work I arrived home and made the mistake of taking the freeway to Rachelle’s house. I was late and we didn’t arrive in Pittsburg until 7:30PM. We went to the pool and had fun. Rachelle and Dale tried to get me to float. They already knew of my fear of water but they relaxed me a bit. My fear is still there. When and whether the fear will ever go away is beyond me. Now Rachelle wants to take scuba diving lessons with Dale. Give me a break! I sometimes wish they wouldn’t be so ‘buddy-buddy’. It bugs me. I want my beautiful Aquarius all to myself.

We ate dinner and watched JOAN RIVERS. We played with Andrew for a while, too. Dee was sweet. We started to watch the movie “9 to 5” but left by 11PM. I drove directly to Rachelle’s house in Castro Valley. We kissed each other good night and made plans for the beach tomorrow.

"What with one sort of attachment and another you are doing away with your usefulness."
-Joseph Conrad
"The Secret Agent"

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The People In Our Lives

"In the end it's the people in our lives who provide the balance to help us make it through life."
-KYLE-XY, Season II

Twenty-five years ago today:

June 13, 1985
Thursday

Dale drove right up next to me in the parking lot in San Francisco on this morning.
“I’ve changed my mind and I am definitely not going to gossip anymore,” Dale said.
“Oh, you are, huh?”
“Yes, I have a second chance with you and Rachelle and I don’t want to intrude. I blew it with Joe and Ryan and I don’t want it to ever happen again.”
“What happened with Joe and Ryan anyway?”
“Oh, I don’t want to go into the whole story.”
“Okay, whatever.”

Rachelle is worried.
“Michael, I think I may be pregnant!”
And last night we did ‘IT’ again, so nine months from now…who knows? Now I’m worried. I love her so, yet, sometimes I wonder if she realizes how much I do. She always wants reassurance. I wish my words were more persuasive.

I was supposed to go to TGIF’s tonight for Mary McTiernan’s birthday but I decided against it. I came home and Rachelle was there. We remained at my house and ‘played’. Then we went to Central Alameda for a bite to eat. There weren’t any good restaurant choices, so we ended up at the Ice-Cream Dock. Rachelle saw a ring she liked at the Harbor Bay Isle Jewelers display window.

After dinner we went back to my house and cuddled along with all of that good stuff. I love her body so. I hope she loves mine as much—but with Bob Maloney as competition I feel a bit of a downer. She almost thrives on it when she uses him as a jealousy ploy.

Margaret Lai is having a birthday party for her son, Lance in July. She wants me, Rachelle and Ashley to attend. I think that might be fun. Margaret is a sweetie.

Danny Garcia called me. He is in a kind of a downer mood. I think it’s because the way things aren’t with him and Robert now. Then again he claims to be glad of the break-up. He is still living with Laurie (a weird kind of gal). Anyway, Danny somehow arranged it to come over here--to my house--for a visit on Tuesday night 'to talk' over dinner. He knows about me and Rachelle.
In fact, Danny said, “I’m glad that you’ve found someone that you truly feel happy with.”

Rachelle and I still have our ‘ups and downs’ as is the case with most relationships. Our good times do outweigh the bad…I think.

"You wouldn't believe what a dead finger does to a living hand. You can't draw with it if you want to become an architect, you can't type in an office, you can't grab hold of things where there's heavy labor to be done. Little devil of a tendon, just a wisp of a thing, and everything you want to do in your LIFE hangs by a thread like that. It's like when you make a mistake of a millimeter on the ground plan of a building, one little thing and it all comes crashing down."
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

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