Corn Dogs In Santa Cruz

I couldn't afford to spend my last remaining seconds looking for reasons.
-Franz Kafka
"Description of a Struggle"

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 7, 1985
Sunday

I woke up. And to get even with the lie Rachelle gave me about skating and going alone to check out scuba gear I chose NOT to call her today.

I went to visit mom at 8:30AM and then decided to go on an excursion at 9AM, heading for Santa Cruz all by myself. I arrived by 10AM and decided to lie out on the beach until one o’clock. There were some definite QBL guys and quite a few looker ladies that were giving me ‘the eye’. I remember a few people telling me that I could have any girl I wanted. Hmmm? I should have tested that theory today. I didn’t though. I just looked. I thought about me and Rachelle and why I put up with her high-school immaturities. I guess it’s because she is so mature in other areas like a.) Our love and b.) Our lovemaking.

By 3PM I drove back to the East Bay. I had a corn dog while in Santa Cruz (on behalf of Rachelle). She introduced me to corn dogs at the Pleasanton County Fair. I had never eaten one before. I drank a large 7-Up and root-beer, too. I was thirsty. It was a hot day. I got ‘red’ again. I hope I don’t peel again.

I drove straight over to mom’s house and had dinner there. Sherry brought my niece, Ashley, to the house. We played with the fluorescent orange golf ball together in the backyard. I took a nap and did a lotion treatment on my body because of the Santa Cruz sun. I also had a relief of a shower there. My hot water heater won’t be working until tomorrow.

“Oh mom, did anyone call?”
“No, Rachelle hasn’t called since I’ve been here,” Mom replied.
“When weren’t you here?”
“I went shopping from ten to twelve.”
This led me to question—in my mind--whether she may have called during that time frame. I remained at mom’s house until 8PM.

I walked into my place and Marty was there.
“Hi Mike. Your friend, Frank, called.”
“Oh Thanks,” I said, and called Frank back right away.
Frank has a new job with Mayflower Trucking. He’s making nine dollars an hour. I’m happy for him.
“I went to Santa Cruz today. And it was interesting because I went all by myself.”
“You should have called me,” Frank insisted.
I told him a little bit about my trauma with Rachelle.
Frank said, “I think you should call Rachelle.”
“Yeah, I will. I’m so hot. I feel the rays bouncing off of my face and shoulders from today.”
Frank reminded me that his birthday is on July 23rd. That’s the day of my Wheel of Fortune audition.

People who live alone have no responsibility in the evenings.
-Franz Kafka
"Description of a Struggle"

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Testing the Waters

A pretty picture they made, or perhaps they created something more like a line in a poem than a picture.
-Morag Joss
"Half Broken Things"

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 6, 1985
Saturday

Last night I made arrangements to be at Rachelle’s house at seven o’clock tonight. The plan was for us to ‘play it by ear’.

I dropped over at mom and dad’s house for breakfast this morning. I did a lying out stint at Alameda South Shore beach from noon until two o’clock. I rode my bike a bit and went to visit mom again. I helped Dad with the replacing of the water heater.

Mom shared a funny story. She and Dad and the new ‘water heater’ were all in the white Ford Pinto at the Jack-in-the-Box parking lot. It was funny to imagine it. She made me laugh.

Rachelle telephoned.
“Can you be over here at about six-thirty instead?”
“I think so, but why?” I asked.
“Well then we can go with my ma and pa to see BACK TO THE FUTURE in San Ramon.”
“Oh, uh, okay.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yosuvf7Unmg

BACK TO THE FUTURE was an ‘A’. It was really very good. During the start of the movie Rachelle whispered, “I want to go skating tomorrow.”
She had also told me that Jim had stopped by to return something that she’d forgotten.
Rachelle rambled on, “I was gonna go skating in San Mateo, and then check out scuba gear in Santa Cruz and then I changed my mind and decided on skating in San Jose.”
It all sounded fishy to me. I decided to test the waters.
I asked, “When will you be at Fashion Island in San Mateo to skate so I can watch you?”
“That couldn’t take place. We’ll talk about it later,” Rachelle responded quickly.

Rachelle also learned that RICK SPRINGFIELD could be appearing at the Cow Palace on August 21st. She had to call her friend, Heidi, about that fact. She kissed me a few.
She said, “I love you.”
However, why do I doubt her love? Why does she lie to me? And why…well, it’s because I am Mr. Sensitive. I want her all for myself.

We went for ice-cream after the movie.
Lately, Rachelle keeps calling me ‘air head’.
Rachelle said, “Your hair looks different tonight. I liked it better before.”
It was cut down after cut down. I hate and simply abhor with passion when she calls me an ‘air head’. After the ice-cream a deal was made between me, Rachelle, and Rachelle’s mom to meet for aerobics tomorrow morning at 10AM.

Rachelle and I had a nice ‘good night’ session on her front doorstep. I drove home at approximately 10:30PM on this Saturday night (all by my lonesome). Good night. Boo hoo. ‘J.O. night.’


"You could be a shining light in a world full of darkness."
-KYLE-XY
Season II

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A Wave 'Hello'

Michael looked at him, adoring his body, writhing inwardly that he must restrain his hungry fingertips from touching it.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 5, 1985
Friday

Well, I successfully woke up at 6:15AM or so. I did my usual two-hundred and a half sit-ups which have been a daily occurrence for a week and a half now.

The traffic over the bridge was smooth this morning. It was as if I was car pooling. It’s clear a lot of people had a four-day weekend for the 4th of July. It will likely be slow at work, too.

After my workday I have to go to the gym to work off that banana-split I had last night! As I predicted work was not very busy. I was offered E-time at 4PM but denied it because it was slow. I figured I may as well stay the extra hour and get paid for it. The traffic would be slow going home anyway.

I went to mom’s house for a quick pit stop and then went to the gym. Bob Maloney was there. He waved “Hello” across the crowded gym floor. I told Rachelle about the ‘Bob Maloney’ waving.
She sighed, “Oh no.”
I laughed, wondering why she sighed over it.
After twenty-four minutes on the Life Cycle and one set of weight lifting I left the gym. I telephoned Rachelle but she was not at home.

I went to mom and dad’s house for a while. Dad was being a creep, so I left. I received a call from Rachelle at around ten o’clock.
“I had so much fun rafting, Michael. You wouldn’t believe it.”
“I guess you forgot about your promise of coming here on Friday night, huh?” I asked.
“Oh, I was too tired.”
She spoke more of her rafting adventure. I was feeling tired, too. 

We finally got off of our respective phones and bid each other ‘Good Night’.

The more you expect the more you get let down.
-KYLE-XY
Season II

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Over The Edge

"Alas! I am jealous of a secret feeling that absorbs him. Between him on me there is a great gulf fixed which I cannot cross."
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

When I hear the term 'Over The Edge' I always think of a book that I read by Jonathan Kellerman back in 1987.

Over the Edge is a psychological thriller that revolves around psychologist Alex Delaware and a former client of his. This teen calls Alex in the middle of the night and, with a mixture of insane garbled prose, begs for help.

Already feeling guilty over a previous failure to help this particular child, Alex races out to the mental institution where the boy has called from, only to find that he has escaped!

The scenario gets worse when, only hours later, he is discovered at the scene of a violent crime and is now the only suspect in a spree of serial killings. Alex doesn't believe that this over achieving teen could possibly have gone from "gifted" to psycho serial slasher and when he discovers the connection between the boy and the last slain victim, he's certain he's not guilty and sets out to try to free him.

Alex, in previous novels, usually succeeds. However, he must defend the child from his own attorneys and the family who has banished him and fear for their own.

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 4, 1985
Thursday

All right! I was able to sleep in today but I still have no hot water to take a soothing shower. I called mom about it last night.
Mom said, “Dad will come by tomorrow to take a look.”
So, I hope Dad comes by today. Marty, my roommate, went to Sacramento (I believe). He was not here last night which is great for additional privacy on my part.

Yesterday I received information about another $5000 credit limit with my CHASE MANHATTAN BANK VISA. Unbelievable! I am not going to ‘go for it’—or should I?

I went to mom’s and dad’s house for pancakes. John, Sherri and Ashley came by and joined us for the pancake breakfast. Ashley is beginning to recognize me again. She willingly kissed me a number of times today. I played ball with her in the backyard. She liked that fluorescent orange golf ball.

I tried watching a taped episode of “The Young and The Restless” with mom but I—sort of—fell asleep during parts of it. Then I tried lying out in the backyard to form another layer of tan over my semi-peeling face.

Dad woke up. Mom, Dad and I went to my house. I cleaned out my clothes that were in my upper shelves of my closet. It looks so neat now. I helped Dad to drain and remove the water heater.
Dad said, “I’ll replace it with a new one tomorrow or Saturday.”
I hope it’s soon. I never really took hot water for granted but you realize how precious it is when you don’t have any. I don’t like cold baths or showers.

By 4PM I went to mom’s house to shower. How clever is that? I arrived at Rachelle’s house by 5PM. When I arrived Jim and Billy were taking off to the Seven-Eleven Convenient Store. Rachelle had just gotten out of the shower, so they invited me to tag-a-long with them.
“Sure, why not,” I said.

There was a cyclist entering the Convenient Store as I was buying a box of chocolate covered Raisinettes. I felt guilty, knowing that bicycling would have done more wonders for me today. The cyclist seemed so happy and in-shape.

Rachelle had already taken the greeting card that was in my car for her (the one with the photo of the piano and twelve roses). I didn’t even have the joy of handing it to her. We left to pick up her grandmother, stopping for gas along the way. The service attendant was a very nice, blond fellow.
The blond fellow asked, “Hey, why don’t you have the convertible top down today?”
“You know how it is---she doesn’t want her hair mussed up,” I said with a nod towards Rachelle who was seated in the passenger seat.
The blond fellow smiled, nodding back.

As we drove off I said, “Rachelle, from now on…when it’s a summer day like this the convertible top goes down!”
“All right, but NOT when I’m in the car!”
We actually compromised today and I was able to put the window half way down. She got all upset over the window situation. When I tried to touch her arm she yelled at me, “Stop it!”
I could see the veins filling with blood as they were revealed on her neck. It proved how angry she was at me over such a nuisance thing (rolling the convertible top down on a hot day!). How I put up with her I do not know? I did not say one more word until we arrived at her Grandmother’s house.
She made a point of saying, “Let’s try to have a nice rest of the day.”
Then she blatantly confronted me with my past gay experiences.
“I don’t know, Michael. It’s only now just sinking in with me and I’m not sure what in the hell to do,” Rachelle announced.
This seemed like an excuse to bring up during EVERY argument now. I was stunned.

“Michael, you are pushing me to the EDGE!”
I didn’t reply but I thought that if I were pushing her to the edge…then—let me tell you---we are through as a relationship! She will be the one to fall off of the edge. I will still be on top of that cliff—so to speak---ready to move on with my life happily.

Why does Rachelle insist on reversal roles? When we arrived at her Grandma’s house she grabbed my hand and began to motion her mouth with private kisses to me. It beats me! It was as if the last twenty minutes of arguing never took place.

While at her Grandma’s house we all lounged in the backyard. I met all eight of her cats! Their names were Flea Bags, Peepee, Rhubarb, Oreo Cookie, Sweet Pea, Rat, Mom and Crystabelle.

We ate dinner. I had a good T-Bone and all was good. It was yummy and filling. We went out to the San Leandro Marina and enjoyed a fireworks show at 10:30PM. It was a mess out there on the streets. Every car that came by had to maneuver to avoid the obstacle course of used fireworks. We went inside for banana splits (as if I wasn’t full enough). I drove Rachelle’s Grandmother back to her home. She’s a nice lady. I like her a lot. She was all worried about her one cat that she had left outside for so long.
I thought to myself, “To think I actually have to work tomorrow!”

Rachelle is going white-river rafting tomorrow with Jim DeLeauze. It is fine I guess. It only bugs me because I know Jim likes Rachelle. I’ll just have to remember this so-called white-river rafting event as a defense mechanism (for when I decide to go on an outing of sorts with someone that likes me).

I was recalling a conversation I had with Rachelle the other day.
“I am thinking of going to Paris in September,” I announced.
Of course, Rachelle got all upset.
“Wait…I said I was thinking of going—but my financial stability says no to the idea right now. Calm down!”
That was the end of that.

At least Rachelle’s little brother, Billy, is going on the rafting trip, too. It’s too bad I have to work. Even so I am sure I wouldn’t have been invited considering what little she has mentioned to Jim about me.

Tomorrow is Friday night and Rachelle is planning to come by. We’re going to catch up on the ‘lost’ feelings of Rodney. He has been neglected lately (to our dismay). I love Rachelle but her bickering has got to go! If only she’d be as picturesque and calm as I’d want her to be. If a picture paints a thousand words then why can’t… Only time will tell--but why do I foresee negative vibes?

The body receives back the flame that consumes it, the flame has once more grasped its prey. This fusion, however, does not take place without convulsions, explosions, tortures; analogues and visible signs of which may be seen in chemistry, when two antagonistic substances which science has united separate.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

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No More Hot Water

One outstanding talent was her ability to instantly get on friendly terms with the most unlikely individuals.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 3, 1985
Wednesday

Dale had the day off. We played HANGMAN, the word game, over the phone. He couldn’t even guess CAP’N CRUNCH CEREAL. We have auditions on July 23, 1985 at Merv Griffin Studios for The Wheel of Fortune. It ought to be fun. I hope I get on that game show. I’ve always want to be a contestant.

I started to peel a little bit on my face today. Boo hoo!

Steph Bautista, my boss, leaves for Hawaii on Friday. She’s sweet. I saw a packet of birth control pills in her purse. I wonder if she opened her purse so I could see that—as a hint for ‘us’. Ha-ha. I’m kidding about that thought but I did see the packet of the pills.

I ate at Wendy’s’ for lunch. I sat alone at the corner of Market and Montgomery.

I went to mom’s house after work to pick up my mail that had accumulated there. I received three pairs of underwear, a sweat tank-top, an orange-yellow shirt, sweat pants and my weighted workout gloves that I had ordered. I plan to return another tank top because it was too small. I may return the sweat pants because I didn’t like them and they were kind of small, too. I guess I am growing. This coming July 18th will mark six months of my working out regularly schedule. I truly feel the difference.

I drove in to San Francisco with Sherri today. She shared her version of the robbery today. The culprits stole her bike out of the garage along with the cassette tapes in her car.

I went to the gym and worked out two sets on the weights and completed a thirty-minute Life Cycle bike ride. Rachelle didn’t appear until 8:10PM. I did not see any sign of Kelly. I saw some ‘QBL’ blond guy. Buddy was there, too. The gym is having a Hawaiian Theme Party on July 18th. It sounds like possible fun.

Rachelle and I worked out together. After our workout she made some disclosures.
“I met two guys that I never met before.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, and one of them named John was kind of cute.”
“How exciting for you,” I said with a grin.
She giggled.

We were suddenly at Red Robin for a light dinner and she ran into Erik’s old best-friend (who happens to work at Red Robin). She acted all excited to learn that Erik still had no steady girlfriend. I am a bit disturbed when she talks this way. It’s as if she is testing our relationship on jealousy. I trust her but I will know when she decides to falter and go out on me with another. That’s when we are through! I will be hurt but it’s something I will have to learn to get over.

Red Robin was good. We departed in good terms again. I am to go to her place around four o’clock on the 4th of July (tomorrow).

The hot water in my townhouse is not working. What a drag!

It was as though someone had sprinkled some venom into her eyes while she slept, so that now she saw the world in its light: everything was ugly, malignant, and hostile, when viewed with malignant and hostile eyes.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

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The Lovers Test

The corners of his mouth turned up now in a constant secret smile. He had a lover. He had someone to go home to. The aching days were over. He had a lover. He was happy.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 2, 1985
Tuesday

Rachelle had her period today! The big QUESTION is now answered. Relief galore…she’s not pregnant after all. I admit I was a bit worried about it all. I mean, I could handle it but she’s surely not ready. At this point she wants us to adopt our own cabbage patch doll. Ha-ha.

Dale said, “I have the day off tomorrow. I plan to invite Rachelle to lunch.”
I replied with a frown, “That’s okay, I guess.”
I just hate knowing they may gossip about me. Although I did hear on the radio LOVE REPORT this morning that lovers test their relationships by:
1. Getting the other jealous
2. By cutting the other down
3. By getting a third person’s opinion
4. By being direct and open to consult and communicate about one another.

I like number 4, but number 3 is a pretty good one, too. Dale seems to be ‘our’ third person. That’s for sure.

I didn’t go straight home today. Rachelle invited me for dinner. I drove straight to Castro Valley. It was a fun, casual type of dinner. It was great to see Rachelle. She gave me the good news about her period. However, there was still some eerie story that she’s known for about three and a half years. She says she has not shared it with me yet. I am dying to know what it is all about. I need to get my hands on her red journal to know.

Every time I hear WHAM, RICK SPRINGFIELD or CORY HART I think of Rachelle Davies. By the way, I like the name ‘Cory’ for a baby boy.

I may go out and buy that CORY HART album (and the WHAM album). I want to invest in a beautiful stereo, TV, and a video recorder. I will need a collection of albums, so I may as well begin the collection now. I prefer the laser discs—but until I have the mechanism to play them on… I cannot even listen to my cassettes in my car (Thanks to Rachelle!). Shit! If I didn’t love her so much I’d have broken up with her after all the ‘shit’ I’ve had to put up with!

"Hold your tongue! You were always too useful with it."
-The Tudors
Season I, Episode 6

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An Excellent Workout

"Writing is an outlet, I don't like to brag about it."
-Saturn In Opposition (2007 Film)

Twenty-five years ago today:

July 1, 1985
Monday

Oh Great! It’s one of those days that you just do NOT even want to get up and out of bed. I managed to shower and I was all sun burnt. Ouch. Everyone noticed at the office and managed to look twice at my burn.
Dale laughed, “Even your eyelids got burned!”

After work I went to the gym. Rachelle was not there like she promised she would be. She stood me up. I still managed to have an excellent workout.

I went to mom’s house after the gym workout for a while. Dad happened to be in a ‘buger’ mood. He had to change a lock at John’s house because Sherri lost her garage key. Someone stole her bike. How sad. Oh well…these things happen. It always happens to the nice ones (just like when my convertible top got ripped open at the Fruitvale BART station).

I had a long conversation with Rachelle tonight. She was asking me the locations of various hotels. I don’t understand her. She still loves me but there’s one hell of a secret story in her journal that I am dying to know about.

Paloma sent me a post card stating that she had not received a letter from me. So she has not received THE letter, yet. Yikes.
PHOTO: Paloma Sanchez Guerra

I telephoned Julie Waller in Mill Valley. I met her back in 1975 when she came to Alameda High School from Vietnam. She always wore these satin white pants that I thought looked sexy on her. She spoke mostly French and I still recall asking, “Vu le vu coucher avec moi si sua?” They were the key words to that song by Lady Marmalade. The look on Julie’s face was priceless. She has had a non-stop crush on me ever since. When I called her we caught up on lost time. She is twenty-three now. She’s happy and is seeing some twenty-one year old fellow named Tim.

"I grow tired of forgiving you."
-The Tudors, Season I
Episode 10

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