Confidence Builder

Life should be exceptional, not predictable.
-Alicia Drake
"The Beautiful Fall: Fashion, Genius,
and Glorious Excess in 1970's Paris"
Twenty-five years ago today
March 25, 1986
Tuesday

It’s funny how Chad is becoming a distant memory now. When I heard the song “Separate Lives” by Phil Collins today I remembered how it—sort of---reminded me of him. It’s because the song was released when we met. Now the lyrics seem to fit to us as well. Oh well…

I need to make some decisions by next Friday as to where I will spend my vacation week in May. I want to go to Palm Springs. So…I’ll see.

Lyrics to “Separate Lives”:
You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives

Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives

Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
I did it. I’m leaving on May 27th, the day after my birthday from the Oakland Airport to LAX and then on to Palm Springs. I will stay at a place called Michael’s Inn and I plan to have a relaxing, good time. I have already charged my airline tickets ($108.00) through ‘Ask Mr. Foster’s’. Sue Myers in Pac Bell Oakland Travel is taking care of prepayment at my hotel with my VIP ‘sales incentive’ checks. I only used $300, so I still have $125 left over for another trip.

I went to the gym last night. Mark Landreth showed up late. We exchanged a few words though. I also learned the name of the short muscular guy. It’s David. He has a great physique but he has an ugly tattoo.

I had a good chat over the telephone with Amy.
Amy said, “I haven’t hung out with Karen in what seems like a long time—but I saw her today.”
“That’s cool, how is she doing?” I asked.
“Oh she’s fine. Oh…John asked for your phone number so you could set-up his telephone service but I didn’t give it to him because I don’t want you to get involved with him.”
“Whatever you say,” I replied.
I knew that John was a merchant marine. He does have a disheveled sort of look right now. I think it’s because of being out at sea for so long. He’s back now and if he could just shave and get a haircut he’d look better.

Steph Redding also called me. She’s down and out because some guy she had been seeing lately turned out to be engaged.
“It just blew me away, Michael!”
“I’m sure!”
Then I thought it all sounded so silly and it was possibly another ploy to get me to like her.

I’d be lying to say I don’t think of Chad but I’m beginning to feel whatever it was that we had is over.

I’m just so happy I have found Amy. I do like her sensibility and sound mind. She’s a great confidence builder, too.

Joshua, Margaret and I ate at B&M Chinese food together today. The days have been so beautiful. I have seven more weeks until my vacation.


"It is most clear to me that the majority of society are judgemental and can't let go. They need to relax with regard to sexual behavior. It's a difficult and intense subject for most to discuss."
-Dr. Steven Zlutnick, January 1989
as written in my Class Notes in my Graduate 'Human Sexuality' Course
at University of San Francisco.