Something Seems 'Fishy'

Splendid with men, tender with women, he was a successful and considerate lover, all the more devastating because, at all times...her nakedness absorbed him.
-Edward Rutherford
London, the novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

September 6, 1985
Friday

Paloma gave me very concise directions to go to the gym today. I was all set to go.

I telephoned Loic Rabier, my Parisian pal that I met on the airplane. We may get-together sometime on Monday. That may be fun. I’ll have to remember to mention it to Paloma. Otherwise, I may just cancel out on Loic. We can always arrange a meeting for another time.

I took the train and got off at the St. Georges METRO Station. I did run into some difficulty. I was walking for hours, feeling lost in the middle of a foreign country. It was a horrible feeling. It’s hard to describe but when one doesn’t know the language it’s not easy. By 1PM I finally decided to head back home to my safe little studio apartment. When I finally I arrived I couldn’t open the front door. I was so lucky because Paloma appeared at just the nick of time.
“I was so worried,” Paloma exclaimed.
She described it like worrying about her fist baby’s first day of school. That line made me laugh.
“You don’t know how it was. I got lost.”
I could tell she felt bad. 

As soon as I put my bag down we left the apartment and went to a TABAC shop where we met Bernadette and three other guys. One of the guys was named Louie. He was black with a light complexion. He was muscular and I could tell he liked Paloma a lot. We stayed there for a little while. I ended up having a not-so-great ‘ham and cheese’ sandwich with some pineapple juice.

We left for Galleries Lafayette Department store. Paloma had to see the wedding registry to determine what to buy for the ‘bride and groom’ for the wedding this coming Saturday. I bought a T-shirt or two and a sweatshirt for myself. We saw an ‘okay’ leather jacket for 9500 French Francs. And so now we are going back for the $350 dollar leather jacket that I saw before (3500 French Francs). Hurrah!

As Paloma was driving I watched the people in and around the streets and suddenly noticed that I had never seen so many people smoking cigarettes. It’s the “in” thing to do here. That’s for sure! I’ve never seen so many smoking either. They’re all smoking as they are walking, too.

Paloma dropped me home and I showered and got ready. Then I called my mom to wish her a Happy Birthday (age 50!). She was so happy to hear from me.
“I’m calling from Paris!” I shouted. I said it as if she didn’t know (funny).
I continued, “I miss you, but I’ll be back on the sixteenth.”
I talked a bit more, telling her of a few of my adventures in Paris thus far.

I wonder what Karen Melton’s doing right now? I forgot to ask mom if I’d had any mail from Korea. I can’t believe I forgot to ask if my MACY’s Entertainment unit had been delivered.

Sometimes I wish I were in London or Australia (where they speak English). Oh well.

I took the METRO train (very similar to BART) to a station that was nearby Paloma’s father’s house. Paloma was there at the station, waiting for me. We walked to her dad’s place. He has a very nice apartment. He looked comfortable and seemed very well-off. Her stepmother was quite nice as well. She looked like an older version of actress Eva Marie Saint. Paloma’s brother, Luis, reminded me of Sylvester Stallone tonight. It must be his jet black hair and chiseled jaw line. Paloma went and told Luis what I had said. I am sure he liked that.

It was a great home-cooked meal. It was by far the best meal I’ve had since being here in France. I ate chicken with rice and raisins and French cheeses along with a most magnificent pineapple pie. What a way to top it off (with that dessert)!

 I sipped whisky before dinner, wine during dinner and champagne immediately after dinner followed by a Cognac after-dinner drink! I’ve never had so many different types of liquor in one night. The wine was from Spain, 1973, and it was so delicious. The champagne was good (and rather sweet), too. Yummy.

After dinner, Paloma and I left for ice-cream. The place we went to was too crowded, so we settled on pineapple juice and water at a corner café. I tried to use one of the outdoor “toilettes” but my one Franc coin wouldn’t allow me to open the door. How frustrating.

Paloma and I returned to my place. We made love again and it seems so strange with us because we are such good friends. Paloma also made a comment in regard to this and I do know what she means. It’s almost like that movie “A LITTLE SEX”. Michael’s wife (played by actress, Kate Capshaw) made it with her longtime friend, Wally (played by actor, John Glover) and they were also good friends in the movie. It didn’t seem like ‘real love’.

I don’t know. I think Paloma and I don’t love each other enough to the extent that we should. I have a feeling she has a lover here in Paris (male or female). I really don’t know…but something seems “fishy”.
I inquired, “So, tell me about this girl who is staying in this apartment.”
Paloma frowned, but she was assertive and nonchalant when she replied, “She got a new place with her boyfriend.”

Somehow I find it hard to believe. I only feel that way because she seemed to fumble and stutter when saying it. In addition, after we’d made love tonight Paloma made some comments about not wanting to tell me certain things for fear of rejection to her (after I learned of whatever it is). She used the example of when she had told me of her drug era experience. I could only imagine that it had to do with lesbianism or bisexuality. Who knows?

I told her about my past relationships with guys. I am open-minded enough to accept it. She is right though. I guess I would react ‘in some way or another’.

I did not actually think that the visits had stopped. I preferred to think that an interval had grown longer, for a reason that might have nothing to do with me.
-Alice Munro
Open Secrets, Short Stories
"The Albanian Virgin"