Sugar and Spice

All his training and experience suggested that doing nothing was the most reasonable course of action.  After all, often the analyst finds that maintaining silence and a failure to respond to the most provocative and outrageous behavior by a patient is the cleverest way to get to the psychological truth of those actions.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 31, 1985
Tuesday

I did not telephone Chad until 11:45AM. It may have even been later. I didn’t say much except to call. It was a call that meant I was thinking of him.
Chad questioned me, “Why are you calling if you have nothing to say of any real significance?”
I chose to think nothing of his question. It was just difficult for me to talk from my position. I can’t say a whole lot.

I would later learn from Larry that Chad would often say, “He calls me and has nothing to say. It bugs me.”
Well frankly, he is starting to bug me. I wonder if I want a prolonging “bug” in my life in 1986. I hope he shapes up. He seems to be more of a GEMINI to me because there are times when he’s such a sweet guy and then turns evil. Why do I care so much for him?

I had a great sales day. I miraculously sold eight ‘Remote Call Forwarding’ Services.

After work Margaret Lai and I went to the Stagecoach for appetizers and White Russian cocktails. We had a good talk and a good time.

When I arrived home Sue Miller called me.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe a movie would be good,” Sue hinted.
“Yeah, but right now I just want to rest,” I said.
I also wanted to wait for Chad to call me.

I telephoned mom and learned that Ricky Nelson died in a plane crash. How awful!

I telephoned Larry and he actually made me feel good.
Larry said, “You know…you have to realize how lucky you are. You are good-looking, you have a good job, a nice place and things will work out. You and Chad will adjust.”
After that I took a nap.

Erika Hurst called me. She’s that elderly woman who likes to talk a whole lot (practically about nothing). She’s still interesting in her own right.

Chad finally called at about 9PM to say, “Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year.”
“I’ll be coming over.”
I was glad about his coming over. I want to see him. Then again this ever-changing attitude (hell of) bugs me. If he’d only be “good” and nice with sugar and spice all of the time. Perhaps his moodiness is because school is starting up again.
Chad had said, “Once school starts I won’t be able to spend as much time with you.”

Chad arrived at 11:30PM. He seemed down and out. I think he wanted to go out tonight but my funds were too low to even consider it. So, we counted down to midnight in my living room and smacked XXX kisses at midnight.

We watched a sinister film called “SISTERS”. And then—to my dismay---we slept much too much.


Life had such a strong hold upon him that a fresh wave of nausea broke out in slight perspiration upon his brow.
-Joseph Conrad
"The Secret Agent"

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Definite Tension

Ernst Jung would say that greatness consists in being exposed to the storm. The Camorra bosses would say the same thing. To be the center of every action, the center of power.
-Robert Saviano
"Gommorah"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 30, 1985
Monday

Chad and I were discussing what we’d done for the last few New Year’s Eve’s. I recalled 1984 and being with Karyn, Ron, and Ryan where we were partying near the Haight-Ashbury at some small circle of friend’s house party. In 1983, Helen (who was not my sister in law at the time) dined at HORATIO’s and drank and danced at the Hilton Inn. In 1982, Barbara Reynolds and I went to the movies to see Meryl Streep perform in ‘SOPHIE’S CHOICE’. We followed that with pasta and free champagne. In 1981 I don’t remember. I probably listened to the Top 100 Countdown of songs on the radio while at home in my pajamas. In 1980 I was in the hospital. In 1979 I was at some college party in Sacramento.

I had my talk with Steph, my boss, about how I want her to talk with Hank about a referred order because I didn’t get half credit for it. I also mentioned my interest in putting some Job Transfer requests through the system.
“Would you mind writing a letter of recommendation for me?” I asked.
“Of course I will.”

I had lunch with Michelle Olsen in the cafeteria today. We had a quaint chat about the general happenings in the office. Dale came by with his ‘TWO’ pasta dishes.

After work I popped over at mom and dad’s house. I munched on some fish and chips and gabbed for a while. They had said they went to my house at around 4PM and saw Chad’s car in the garage. I didn’t offer an explanation.
I simply said, “Oh, Chad is studying.”
Chad actually straightened-up my house pretty well, too.

I telephoned Chad at about 7PM, telling him that I was heading over to the gym.
“I’ll meet you there, okay?” I asked.
“Sure.”
As I was about to leave my phone rang and it was Frank Vasconcellos. I hadn’t spoken to him in a while. We had a chat about Chad. Frank claims that he and Chad had a fling some years ago. This is all according to Frank, so who knows.
Frank continued, “I remember that he sings great. I knew him as Mark and I remember singing was one of his first loves so-to-speak.”
Of course, I was amazed. I didn’t dare tell (Chad) Mark of what I’d learned. I figured it was not really necessary.
Frank asked, “Does he still live in Fremont? I remember he had a kind size water bed.”
Question mark (?).

I met Chad at the gym. We worked out together but his eyes were elsewhere. I didn’t like it. His eyes were glued upon this one person, making it ever so apparent (to me—anyway).
It was 9:10PM when Chad said, “I’m going in to the sauna.”
“But it’s already 9:10,” I said, thinking he didn’t realize the time.
I continued, “Well, I’m not going in to the sauna.”
Of course he snapped.
“You don’t have to stay!”
So I showered and I did leave.


I drove over to mom and dad’s house. I made myself an orange juice and vanilla ice-cream shake. Then I drove my home, leaving the garage door open until 10:30PM. I finally closed the garage, figuring Chad was going to pull a ‘no show’.


Larry called me from his job at the Oakland Airport.
“Hi Mike, Chad is here with me at the airport. Are you mad at Chad?”
“No,” I replied.
Chad chose to come over to my house but there was definite tension. I don’t like the tension. Sometimes I wish he would quit his abrupt, aloof and surprising attitude.


We ended up lying down together. We watched “The Dove”.


I went upstairs to go to bed. Chad followed. We “slept” (period).

Nobody was innocent. There were only varying degrees of responsibility. And somebody was responsible...
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

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A Lazy Sunday

In the last few days I have not gone out, but spent most of the time lying on the chaise lounge.
-Thomas Mann, 1897

Twenty-five years ago today

December 29, 1985
Sunday

Chad and I awoke on this Saturday morning to watch a bit of the 49er and New York Football playoff. San Francisco lost the game. I also lost in terms of my squares on the office pool betting game.

We readied ourselves as it was already close to noon. We ate at NATION’S BURGERS on Webster Street in Alameda.

My funds are disappearing fast. I have no real discretionary funds at all.

After NATION’S BURGERS Chad and I came home and we watched “Nightmare on Elm Street”. We both fell asleep towards the end of the flick.

At 6PM we both got up and went to my VERSATELLER machine for needed cash. We ate at McGee’s on Park Street (which wasn’t so great). The company was exceptional though.

It was a lazy Sunday as we returned home to watch ALFRED HITCHCOCK Presents. We watched an episode starring actor Steven Bauer (the one who starred in that THIEF OF HEARTS movie that I love). The story involved a bet for an automobile and the loss of one’s fingers (if they lost the bet). Ouch.

I sent my entry in for the Publishers Clearing House Giveaway today. I wish.


After Hitchcock we saw ‘The Mysterious Stranger’. Once ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’ started I decided to turn in for the night. I felt a sore throat coming on. I was dreading the idea of work tomorrow. Alas I do have something to look forward to: The discussion of my Job Transfer Requests with my boss, Stephanie.

"I'm not feeling very 007-ish."
-Sean Penn
"Fair Game", 2010

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Home

As long as things go well with a man, his conscience is lenient and lets the ego do all sorts of things; but when misfortune befalls him, he searches his soul, acknowledges his sinfulness, heightens the demands of his conscience, imposes abstinences on himself and punishes himself with penances.
--Sigmund Freud
“Civilization and its Discontents”

Twenty-five years ago today

December 28, 1985
Saturday

Chad and I woke up. It was mid morning and we went over to my mom’s house where we ‘porked-out’ on some homemade cookies.

Our next stop was to Suzy Miller’s pad to deliver her Christmas gift. She ended up joining us for lunch at ‘Round Table Pizza’. It was just ‘okay’.


Chad’s right.
He said, “Suzy’s sort of boring.”
I feel the same (sort of) about Mike Miller at times—but not all the time.

After lunch Chad and I looked at some model homes that are for sale on Harbor Bay Isle. I re-met Terri Reiser-Long, a former high-school and all the way back to sixth grade classmate. She was in attendance, working at one of the Model Home Sales Offices.

Chad and I went home to lounge. When we woke up we decided to have a quiet dinner at LUNG KONG, a Chinese Restaurant.

We returned to my home to watch the movie GHOST STORY. Then it was time to go to bed. Yawn.

“Where’s HOME?” He asked.  The man pointed to his forehead.  This made sense.
The man nodded.  “I hear ya,” he said.
-John Katzenbach
“The Analyst”

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Energized

I was looking at a wonderful card of VERMEER that is in Amsterdam called “The Love Letter”. It is like music the way things are shaped, the whites particularly in this painting which make it seem luminous.
--May Sarton
At Eighty-Two, A Journal
February 22, 1994 entry

Twenty-five years ago today

December 27, 1985
Friday

I was able to get out of work at Noon today. I had a quick bite to eat with Margaret Lai at ‘The Pizza Boat’. I simply drove on home to Alameda after lunch.

I stopped by to see mom for a while. I napped there.

I soon energized and made it to the gym. I saw Leonard there. The latest scoop with him is that he’s going to Hawaii next week.

I took the Anne Alberti 6PM Aerobics class. It was really good and invigorating. I worked up a sweat.

While home at 7:30PM I did the finishing touches on my Job Transfer Request Forms.

Chad telephoned me from his mom’s house. He arrived at my place at nearly 10PM.

We cuddled and watched some television.


“You know more than you think you do.”
-John Katzenbach
“The Analyst”

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A Steady Conversational Tone

"I kind of feel like you are my twelve year old friend and I don't want to share you."
-as heard in the 2009 film, PLAN B

Twenty-five years ago today

December 26, 1985
Thursday

What a drag to have to go to work today—but I did it anyway. It was such a slow day. I telephoned Chad several times. I arranged for him to chat with Mary McTiernan. I guess they had a lengthy chat (but she smokes—ugh!).

I had to work until 5PM. It was okay. Margaret and I went for a Wonton Soup and a Tomato Beef Chow Mein at B&M. It was so good.

It’s Sue Fisher’s Birthday today. They want to celebrate tomorrow but I don’t want to go out (mainly because of my current financial picture). It’s also because I just don’t feel like it.

I went to my house after work. I had a blackout. All of my lights went out.

I had arranged to meet Chad at the gym at 6:30 PM but he arrived at 7PM. Chad picks on me sometimes. I don’t like it. We did work out together.

Russ asked if my room was still available to rent.
I said, “No, sorry.”
I noticed him check me out while I was conversing with Chad.

Chad shared the latest.
“I’m going to the San Francisco Airport to see my sister, brother-in-law and niece off and then I’m going to try the gym in San Francisco.”
“Let me know how you like it.”
I think he’s also meeting with Mary McTiernan and Sue Fisher. I’m not.

I’m kind of hurt that he won’t be with me but that’s his prerogative.
“It’s your choice,” Chad says, insisting that I could go if I wanted to.
It really isn’t my choice. I’m much too low on funds to even consider going out. I may not even go out on New Year’s Eve.

Chad made it with me (despite what I’d said the other day). Oh well…It won’t happen too often. I know Chad confides in Larry about me and ‘our relationship’. I don’t like that too much.
Chad confessed, “I actually liked Leonard at one time but nothing sexual ever came of it.”
“Whatever…Leonard doesn’t exactly excite me one way or the other.”

I mentioned to Chad tonight that he often talks to me in a directive, commando tone instead of a steady conversational tone.
He directed his response right back at me: “You do the same!”
I don’t want to argue with him but we seem to do a lot of it lately. It’s over stupid things that I can’t even recall or can even consider it worth writing about.

I am sleepy. My rest has been trimmed down ever since Chad’s become a frequent guest. That’s okay. I love his company a lot. Only time will tell. He sure farts a lot though. What’s with that?

"It's not my fault, I didn't ask to be gay."
-as heard in the 2000 French film,
"JUST A QUESTION OF LOVE"

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It Isn't Fair

You hear about anger and frustration, which are minor elements of hate. You hear about abuse and cruelty, which are bigger players on that stage, but still, only teammates. But mostly, what you hear about is inconvenience.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 25, 1985
Wednesday

Chad arrived at around midnight. It felt like a Sunday morning when we woke up. We had a serious talk.
I said, “I just feel like it isn’t fair.”
“What?” Chad asked blankly.
“It’s not fair that you can ‘do’ me and I can’t ‘do’ you,” I announced.
He stared into space.
“And so I’ve decided to forfeit from that sort of play.”
I believe he concurred. We still care enough to continue with our relationship.

I went to mom’s house to open gifts. Mom bought me a black vase and towels and toiletries for the house. She also bought me a musical floral glass arrangement, a tie, a designer handkerchief and a tape cassette case.

Helen and Tony bought me a bike cap, gloves and a cassette music tape by the group POLICE.

Sherri bought me pillows and cookies. John gave me a POLO shirt. Grandma gave me socks and a 1986 Personal Organizer.

The blemish on my chin was a pest today. It bled after a brief shave. I believe I will recover.

Mom loved her portrait photo of her three sons. She received some ‘key’ jewels, too from Helen. I believe they were pearl earrings from her jeweler. John and Sherri gave her a pearl necklace.

It was nap time. I took one. Sue Miller telephoned and suggested I come over to her apartment. I didn’t go though. I remained at ma and pa’s house until 7:30PM.

I went to add air in my car tires and went home. I wrote a few checks and then filled out some transfer forms. I’ve decided I want the Advertising Sales Rep. (Field Sales) position over Telephone Sales. I hope I get it.

Steph Redding telephoned to wish me a Merry Christmas. Chris Cordellos called, too! Greg Manachevitz called with Merry Wishes as well.

All in all it was a nice Christmas. It was an unforgettable one—at that.

Later that night, Chad came home to my place. His gift to me was a neat BICYCLE picture that was framed and all. It is so nice. I love it.

"I guess fitting in can be a lot more complicated than it seems."
-as heard watching the 2009 film,
ASTRO BOY

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Solitude and Loneliness

The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
To reveal ART and conceal the artist is ART's aim.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 24, 1985
Tuesday

It was Christmas Eve morning and I had to leave ‘CMG’ alone at my townhouse once again. I arrived at work and my peers were there but the incoming calls were not forthcoming. It was a slow, slow day. Lunch had been catered in for everyone. That was nice.

I did receive Leonard Perillo’s ‘Letter of Recommendation’ as well. I telephoned him to say ‘Thank You’. Chad sent him a Christmas card with the same Cover Newsletter I received; whereby, Leonard will read where Chad wrote about his ‘newfound best-friend’ (meaning me).

At 1PM I was released. I quickly headed home and Chad and I went to South Shore Shopping Center for some last minute shopping. We ran into Mike Miller. He scouted the mall with us for a while. It was kind of fun but I was tired.

I wrapped Chad’s Christmas gifts (because I’m such a nice guy).

 

In solitude we are with our self, and that is what is so frightening because what if there is no self there? Some people do not have a real self. And being with oneself is always a confrontation because there is always some human problem that one is involved with, even a small one that takes some thinking about. I have said so often that SOLITUDE is the richness of self and LONELINESS the poevery of self that I was glad to think just a little bit differently about it today.
-May Sarton
At Eighty-Two, A Journal
September 18, 1993 entry

I ended up leaving Chad and Mike Miller alone at my house, wrapping gifts. I had to go to mom and dad’s house. My brother, Tony, was there as was my niece, Lauren. I ate and we gabbed.

I left mom’s house at 11PM. I was alone at my house but Chad would be arriving soon. I wondered if Santa was coming to town. Yawn.

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Afraid to Touch

"Sometimes," he sighed, "I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see."
-Arthur Golden
"Memoirs of a Geisha"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 23, 1985
Monday

I left for work and I didn’t even kiss him goodbye. I just left. I am not sure whether or not I’ll call him either. I didn’t sleep well at all because I felt we went to sleep on negative terms. I may or may not see him at the gym tonight. He had said he’d be going Christmas shopping today.

I like Anne Alberti, the aerobics teacher at the gym. She turns me on.

The blemish on my chin is still there and I wish it would go away.

I bought Margaret Lai a pink heart pin and a jar of strawberry preserves. I also found her son, Lance, a baby doll of a baby. I hope she’ll appreciate the thought.

I wonder what comments I will get out of Mary and Ryan after last Friday night. I know they’re both drooling over the CMG chum of mine.

I lost control. I telephoned Chad. He clearly wondered why I left this morning without waking him with a good bye.
I explained, “I didn’t want to wake you. I was also afraid to touch you, fearing that you’d tell me to leave you alone.”

Ryan asked, “So, have you recovered from last weekend?”
I replied, “Chad wanted to call and apologize for his actions. He said he normally never gets drunk like that.”
Ryan smiled.

Mary looked wasted today.


Carl Brooks asked, “So Mike, where did you find such a cute roommate?”
I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.


I had a great sales day. I sold an 800 WATS Service and two RCF orders and had a couple of Pac Tel Referrals for phone equipment.


Emmalene sent me some candy from Pac Tel Info Systems. She clearly wants more referrals. Margaret Lai gifted me a box of candy as well.


The day dragged on. It wasn’t very busy.


After work I came home and Chad invited me over for dinner.
It was a good meal. Now we’re going to go shopping at Bay Fair Shopping Center. We’ll follow that with a gym visit. He hasn’t done hardly any shopping. He’s cute. We bought a few things like a LIFE game for Dave and Narn. He found “Hugwood” sweat shirts for his ma and pa. The lady at the T-Shirt shop (Fat Albert’s sister) was kind of a drip.

The world around him seemed a rebuke filled with connections, a near-constant tease of people meeting people in the commerce of existence.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

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A Spoiled Brat

Every time they stop talking, silence looms between them, gray and heavy as a cement wall.
-Nancy Huston
"The Mark of an Angel"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 22, 1985
Sunday

We woke up at 9:30AM or so to get ready for church at the Huntwood Baptist Church. Chad and I get along—for the most part. Sometimes I feel he’s a spoiled brat. If things are not done to his liking (or his way) he will pout are argue. It bugs me sometimes.

We left in my car to drive to Hayward. I’d have rather gone in his car but I made no qualms. His niece, Dawn, was dedicated at the Church. The Church was kind of nice and all Christmas-like. After the service we (that includes me, Chad and his family) met up at Carl’s Jr. for lunch. I sat between Chad and Narn with my knees pressed against each of their own respective knees. It was kind of nice. Narn’s a real charmer. I feel she’s quite a beauty, too.

Chad and I stayed at his parent’s home for a bit and munched on some goodies. We left for my place and changed into more comfortable clothes. I had to wait for Chad to use the bathroom (of which he does a lot). He takes forever while he’s doing ‘it’ in the bathroom.
I shouted, “Hurry up!”
He snapped back at me, “I don’t like to be rushed!”
Blah Blah Blah…
I didn’t argue. I kept silent.

While in the closet he turned the light on. I wasn’t thinking and I turned it off. I gave him a love tap on his butt cheek.
“Would you not do that?”
That enticed me to do it again. I wondered what he would do if I did it one more time. I figured I was just playing, so it didn’t matter. Well, it mattered. He hit me on my arm kind of hard! I walked away. He knew I was pissed-off.

Chad apologized. I fell for his sincerity and I apologized as well. We went to San Francisco and headed over to Carl Brook’s party. It was fun. Fellow co-workers Judy, Steph, and Margaret were there. Dale was there. Dale being there was beside the point. The food was pretty good. We mingled around and left by 7PM. We looked through some shops on Castro Street together. I didn’t appreciate Chad’s watchful eye amongst other men. I just ignored it…for the most part.


We had a happy, quaint ride home. Then Greg Manachevitz and Mike Miller kind of invited themselves over to my place. They met Chad and we sat around, listening to a tap of Greg on KYA-radio. We looked through some of my pictures and postcards. Greg and Mike left and Chad had a comment about Greg:
“He’s so obnoxious!”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I liked Mike though,” Chad said, “but it seems like he’s been hurt before or is searching or lagging in his life.”
“That’s true, too,” I replied, even though I thought Chad was being overly dramatic in his psychoanalysis.


Chad pissed me off when he said, “Please get off me!”
It was some sort of phrase like that. I gave him a piece of his own medicine.
I said, “Get OFF me!”
We did very little cuddling. I was fed up during our night. Everything’s got to be his way. He wants to call the shots. I do NOT have to abide by them. I don’t need Chad Glen. I’ve lived fine before I knew him. Yet, I don’t want to lose him—ever.
Tonight Chad asked, “If we ever break up—can I still run my fingers through your hair?”
That question is a bad sign. Why he is such an inconsiderate asshole when I touch him? He tells me ‘not to touch him’. When he touches me I allow it—no matter what (except for maybe in a public place). And now I gave him a piece of his own medicine tonight.
While in bed I abruptly stated, “Please take your leg off of me.”
I turned on my other side and tried to sleep. Of course, all the while I was hoping he’d caress me because I do love the guy a lot.

All life was a compromise.
-Patricia Highsmith
"The Boy Who Followed Ripley"

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Missing In Action

We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course.
-Arthur Golden
"Memoirs of a Geisha"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 21, 1985
Saturday

Chad woke up early and left for his folks’ house to attend a marathon of some sort.
“Call me around three o’clock,” Chad said as he headed out the door.

I went over to mom and dad’s house for breakfast. My niece, Ashley, was there and I took her for a walk to the DIGITAL EQUIPMENT SYSTEMS building on Harbor Bay Parkway. Then Sherri and I took Ashley to see Santa Claus. Ash didn’t want to get on Santa’s lap.
Sherri freaked out when the Santa said, “You should have brought John!”
Sherri thought he really was Santa Claus, at first. She later learned that the Santa was Fred, her next door neighbor!

At 3PM I called Chad and we made arrangements to meet up at the gym, followed by a visit to that Portrait Studio to pick up my mom’s portrait photo of my brothers and me.

I gave Chad some homemade M and M Cookies. We went our separate ways. Chad was having a family dinner. I, too, went to visit with my mom and dad.

I began watching the movie VISION QUEST with my parents and then I went home.


I gave Chad a phone call and then I started to jump rope repeatedly until he came over. He arrived before 10:30PM. We both beamed with light and happiness over the sight of one another. We began watching a movie called MISSING IN ACTION and then we hit the hay. It was a JO session before night-night.

"...I amuse him, he toys with me."
-Thomas Harris
"Hannibal"

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Shooting The Breeze

It is like the first disinterested sigh a lover sends over the telephone wires, the sigh that signals the earliest beginning of the end.
-Michael Cunningham
"The Hours"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 20, 1985
Friday

At least I received my check for $86.18 today. It helps. Anything helps, actually.

Chad seemed upset this morning---but not at me. He is having lunch with Rick. He is some other guy at our gym who happens to be treating Chad for his Birthday. Chad introduced me to him.
I commented by saying, “Well, tell Rick I said HI.”
“No! I hate to talk about you to other people,” Chad retorted seriously.
That was a low blow. I didn’t appreciate it. Sometimes I think Chad often speaks before he thinks. Am I just overly sensitive?

Dad telephoned me last night. We exchanged a few kind words as he invited me over.
“Well, I have to wrap more gifts—but I’ll come over on Saturday.”

Tonight is ‘Celebration and Good Bye’ night at Barnaby’s for Karyn Kossoff. I may go for a little while but not too long. Mary McTiernan and Chad are probably going to go, too.

Mary McTiernan and I walked to Barnaby’s from the office. I saw Elizabeth Center en route to the bar/restaurant. Michelle Falls showed up as did the rest of the gang (Bob Gross, Kelly, Ryan, Chad, Ron, Shelly, Bryan, etc.). Karyn and I had a few dances. She gave me all of this hogwash about how she cares so much about me.
She said, “You need to come to terms with your sexuality.”
I—kind of—don’t appreciate her analysis. I’m perfectly fine and happy living the way I’m living.

Chad and Mary acted like ‘an item’ for most of the evening. Ryan and Chad were outside together ‘shooting the breeze’. Who knows what they were talking about?

We all walked back to my car. I dropped Mary and Ryan off at their requested locations.
Chad confessed, “I was holding Ryan’s hand in the backseat.”

During the walk to my car Chad made a couple of comments.
Chad blurted blindly, “Yeah, Michael’s Spanish—so you know that means he was brought up on the other side of the tracks.”

I feel I’ve had a way better upbringing than Chad, Ryan or Mary.  I don’t know why he said that. It makes no sense.  Then Chad made another drunkard comment about how I ought to go to my “Versateller Machine” and get more money out. I’m not sure if I can trust Chad anymore. Does he think I’m stupid? Am I being used? Is it all a waste of time? No, he cares a lot about me. It’s just that there are times when his behavior reminds me of Dale Orlando! He speaks before he thinks! In a strange way this is good because he can’t take back what he says. It’s already been heard.


Chad and I drove to my place. We fell asleep by 1:30AM or so…

"Grown ups are often scared because they don't know what's important in life. That's what I'm trying to teach you. Think about all the little things going on right now to make this a happy moment.  You and me, us talking, the sunrise, the smell of coffee...and you looking at my hands...avoiding my eyes."
-Marc Levy
"If Only It Were True"

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My Fingers Are Crossed

I had learned the consequences of telling the truth were as dire as those of lying.
-Jane Frame, An Autobiography

Twenty-five years ago today

December 19, 1985
Thursday

Chad somehow makes my weeks move a lot faster.

Effective January 20th my Business Office will trial off-shifting. I may be working from 8AM until 4:30PM. Hurrah! And January 9th is the day my Job Transfer Requests will be submitted. My fingers are crossed for that, too. If I go to Los Angeles via a job transfer I wonder if Chad would come along, too. (?)

As I was speaking to Chad today I recalled him saying, “Hey, I could go to UCLA if I transfer to L.A.!”
So who knows? That could work out fine. Maybe--one day?

I purchased Sherri some magazines for part of her Christmas gift.

I enjoyed some yogurt during my lunch hour.

At 5:40PM my phone was ringing at home. It was Chad.
“I’m having my tires changed, so I can meet you at the gym!”
“Great, see you there!”
Just as I arrived at 24 Hour Fitness I saw Chad walking in at the same time. He explained that he had to meet his family at the Oakland Airport. He had to pick-up his sister, brother-in-law and new niece, Dawn.

I worked out until 8PM.

We looked through a Hallmark Shop together and then went our separate ways.

When I was home I found myself wrapping gifts and watching “The Colby’s”.

Chad telephoned me from his parents’ house.
Then he phoned again at 9:45PM and said, “I’ll be over soon.”
We watched a movie with Kristy McNichol. It was a sleeper. I was falling asleep watching it, so we went to bed.


I had better close, in fact, before I burden you with further claptrap from my psyche.
-Alice Munro
"The Jack Randa Hotel",
a short story

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Hard To Tell

"You're spooking me."
-Christopher Bram
"Surprising Myself", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today

December 18, 1985
Wednesday

It was a hardship waking up this morning. I managed okay.

I telephoned Chad a number of times throughout my work day. Chad told me that he had called Leonard!
Chad admitted, “Leonard said that you were non-intelligent, a kind of an air head and that you lead a boring life.”
I couldn’t believe my ears.
Per Chad, Leonard asked nonchalantly, “So you and Michael are friends, huh?”
“I guess,” Chad replied.
Chad insists that he stuck up for me. I thought that was nice even though his ‘I guess’ reply left much to be desired.

As far as Leonard, the balding entrepreneur, is concerned--well, I simply feel he is jealous. How can one really define a boring life? As long as one’s happy and dynamic throughout one’s adventures in life it can be quite wonderful. Life would never be boring. I feel I am enjoying myself. ‘Boring’ is a Leonard word and one I rarely use. So, who is the boring one?

Chad received his college class schedule for next quarter. His schooling makes me miss school. I am considering going back for an advanced degree. One class per quarter or semester should be easy enough to handle.

I met Chad at his house at around 7PM. I was kind of down. I kept thinking of my bills that seem never ending. I am hoping it will all work out better for me in 1986. I am tempted to cut-up my last CHASE VISA card and become a ‘strictly cash only’ type. Perhaps that will be a consideration effective January 1st.

I need to find a gift for Paloma! Maybe MACY’s Clearance Place will have something original.

Chad and I went to the CHABOT THEATER and saw the films “Target” and “Live and Die in L.A.”. The second flick was a low-budget one that showed very badly. It was a fun night (even though we didn’t even hold hands). Haha—the hand holding was his idea.
Some old bag in the balcony made us laugh when the film had a brief cut and she yelled, “Hey, what’s going on up there?”
I couldn’t stop laughing.

We dropped by my bank where I advanced myself two-hundred dollars. We ate at Jack-In-The-Box. After the meal we went to Chad’s house. Coincidentally, we met Randy who was arriving at the same moment. It was only a pit-stop for Chad to pick-up a few things. We quickly returned to my place where we discussed Mrs. Fields (aka Debbie Sivyer), Larry, ‘us’, and the errand of picking-up Chad’s sister and brother-in-law tomorrow.


Yesterday night I forgot to mention the Glen Scillian Story, a mystery that unraveled before me. Chad’s real birth name was Glen Scillian, named after his father. Chad shared with me his frightening childhood. He was an abused child by his father (physically) and his mother (sexually). I was a bit shocked to learn this being that they’re both so religious. His father is a Reverend.
Chad said, “That’s why I changed my name a few years ago…to forget and close that part of my life.”
He explained how he hated his Dad but they are very loving now. Chad mentioned how his folks made him feel retarded.  They actually sent him with a retarded group in a handicapped school bus.
“I really believed I was retarded for a time.”


I really feel for Chad and love him so. I was glad he shared that ‘hard to tell’ part of his life with me. I don’t view him any differently. I only know I want him to be a very key part of my life.


Chad and I did some ‘nookie’ and then fell fast asleep.

A Memorial Note found at Tributes.com:

Glen C. Scillian, Ph.D Jan. 19, 1928 - Feb. 12, 2009 Resident of Hayward Glen went to be with the Lord early Thursday morning, February 12, 2009. He was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma 5 1/2 days prior to his death. He passed away peacefully at home with his children present. He was 81 years old. Glen was a World War II Korea Veteran. He was a Christian minister for 40 years and was Senior Pastor at Bay Hills Community Church in Hayward for 29 years before he retired in 1998. His wife, Merrill, predeceased him in March 2000. He is survived by his daughters Kathy Schiave and Karen Thur, sons Chad Mark Glen and David Scillian, granddaughter Dawn Schiave-Calhoun and great granddaughter Aubree Calhoun. He will be deeply missed. A memorial service will be held Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. at Bay Hills Community Church, 25830 Gading Road, Hayward, CA 94544, 510-782-7663. In lieu of flowers, a donation can be made to one of the following organizations: Bay Hills Community Church, write in the check memo "Glen Scillian Memorial Fund" and mail to 25830 Gading Road, Hayward, CA 94544.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
-Martin Booth
"The Industry Of Souls", a novel

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The Usual Hogwash

...an element of ritual was in play.
-Ian McEwan
"Enduring Love"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 17, 1985
Tuesday

I left Chad at my house. We departed with mutual ‘good spirits’ this morning. We will probably meet up at the gym this evening. I feel sleepy on this morning.

I made it through my work day. Mary McTiernan and I took a walk for a hot dog during our lunch period. We sat around on Market Street and did some people watching, too.

I have been working diligently (as usual). I am kind of tired from all the excitement of Chad keeping me up late.

I went home and wanted to take a nap. I didn’t nap and chose to head over to visit my Dad at around 7PM. While I was at Dad’s two old friends of Tony’s had stopped by to inquire about him. Their names are Jim Mavroganis and John Horton. Eight years had passed since they were all in high-school together. My Dad and I talked to them for a while.

Eventually, I found myself at the gym and saw Leonard Perillo. He seemed uncomfortable about running in to me but he shook my hand anyway.
“I’ve been so busy and not feeling all that well,” Leonard explained.
It was the usual hogwash.
Leonard asked, “Did you ever receive my letter?”
I believe he was referring to a Letter of Recommendation to accompany my Job Transfer Request.
“No,” I said, “I never got it!”
“Well, you should call my office,” Leonard announced defensively and professionally.
I thought quietly to myself, “I really don’t need to waste my time. I can continue my life without his aid or assistance just fine.”
Just as I turned around I saw Chad.

Chad and I exchanged a few words.
Chad asked, “Did you receive my message?”
“Oh yeah, I did,” I said, realizing he meant the ‘listed note’ about his thoughts and feelings.
He smiled.
I love it when he smiles.
I had a feeling Leonard was observing our interaction but it was NBD (No Big Deal).

Chad and I worked out together for the first time tonight. Chad gave me some pointers. I liked working out with him. It was fun and helpful.

Afterwards, Chad and I went to the Bay Fair Shopping Center where my portrait (for my mom) was still not ready. We meandered through the Mall a bit. We had a good time between yogurt and Mrs. Field’s Cookies. Yogurt is my current line of interest while Mrs. Field’s is currently favored by Chad.

PHOTO: The Heartbreak Kid, 1972 Film Clip

After the Bay Fair excursion Chad followed me to my house. We started to watch “THE HEARTBREAK KID” movie but we were interrupted by a phone call. It was Larry calling at 11:25PM. I didn’t hear the actual conversation but Chad told me that Larry called to say he wanted him to move out. Chad was having one heated discussion with Larry. I just sort of sat around on stand-by, pretending not to listen.

After Chad’s intense phone call we went to bed. Loved. Slept.

Yet, simultaneous with this love, he felt a burning shame.
-Shyam Selvadurai
'Cinnamon Gardens', a novel

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A Mama's Boy

He had to let off steam, otherwise we would never hear the end of it.
-Thomas Mann
"Fallen", a short story, 1894

Twenty-five years ago today

December 16, 1985
Monday

It’s Chad’s Birthday and he’s still asleep in my bed (where I wish I was right now). He may meet me for lunch and we may go to FRIDAY’s in South San Francisco tonight. We’ll see how it goes.

I telephoned Chad periodically throughout the day.  He couldn’t make it in time for lunch in The City.
He did say, “I will be there at five o’clock though!”

At 5PM he still wasn’t anywhere in sight.  I didn’t know what to make of it. He ran into some difficulties.  I waited in front of my building until 5:45PM when he finally appeared. We went to TGIF’s and had a nice dinner.  We called Mary McTiernan who lived nearby and she came over to join us. It was fun until Chad made some snide remarks that I didn’t like.
For instance, he said, “Joan Rivers has a strong gay following.”
I didn’t like WHEN he said it. He said it right after I said, “I’m a big fan of Joan Rivers.”
Chad also said (in front of Mary), “You’re a wuss and a mama’s boy.”
He said this after I said, “I like to eat over at my mom’s house because it’s hard to cook for one person.”

And to top it off, I noticed Mary ordered a Michelob beer and I said with a smile, “Oh, a 'MICHAEL'—Obe!”
Chad responded, “You’re so vain.”
Those little things really do build-up. I got even by making a few comments about his waistline. It was kind of silly since his body is exquisite as far as I’m concerned.

During the drive home I didn’t say a whole lot. Chad followed me home in his car.
Once at my pad, Chad telephoned Larry.  They spoke about little nothings.  I believe Chad only called Larry because he wasn’t enjoying my company. I don’t think he realized that I was just trying to get over his sarcasm from earlier this evening.

I spoke to Larry for a while also.
Larry said, “I’m confused. I don’t know why Chad is calling me to find out if Randy was working. He said he was ‘just curious’ but I don’t get it.”

Earlier, Chad and I were at the San Francisco BART station.
Chad blurted, “I feel like going out for my Birthday. I’ll follow you home and I might call some friends about getting together.”
Perhaps he wanted to see my reaction when he chose to call Larry or whoever…


We started to watch a ‘Cagney and Lacey” TV-episode which I did NOT really want to see.  I managed to persuade Chad to watch the PAPILLON movie.  We did.  We didn’t get to bed until late (12:50PM).  I was beat-tired.  I slept—but not long enough.

We live in a state of dreaming.
...as long as we continue in this dream we are...living in a circle.
-Tony Parson
"As It Is"

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Spoil A Man

Hurts and fears can lurk deeply concealed under layers of stress, but they are there and can be found, no matter how powerful the psychological forces of denial can be.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 15, 1985
Sunday

Well, I’ve decided to let bygones be bygones. I unplugged my telephone this morning, so I slept well (as did Chad). We awoke at about 11AM.

Chad and I visited Larry at the Oakland Airport even thought I didn’t really want to go. I complied with Chad’s wishes once again. I tend to be so agreeable where he’s concerned. This could spoil a man.

Then we went to his folks’ house where we had a nice, early Birthday dinner for Chad. We played UNO. I met his sister, Narn, and her husband, David, and Chad’s brother (also named David). We had a good time. We even went to his father’s Baptist Church for a Christmas Evening gathering. That was nice. We returned to his folks’ house and munched out and watched ‘A Christmas in Washington’ with Amy Grant, the singer.


Chad and I eventually came home to my pad and we ‘horsed around’. We slept. Chad did open his Birthday gift. I think he liked it. I did.

Question: "How are we going to solve this puzzle?"
Answer: "We sum up the facts we have. We try to find more."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

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The Slap

"You have to earn forgiveness.
You can't run from your mistakes."
-KYLE-XY
Season II

PHOTO, December 14, 1985:
Chad Mark Glen, Karyn Kossoff, Michael Armijo

Twenty-five years ago today

December 14, 1985
Saturday

I woke up and went to mom’s house. We had a nice talk. She was setting up the Christmas tree. We laughed together. We made each other smile.

I met Chad at Bay Fair Shopping Center in San Leandro at 12:45 this afternoon. He was supposed to be there at noon but he was late. I had already bought my Grandma her Christmas gift. I bought Carl (my coworker) a gift also.

Chad and I had a bite to eat. I got sick on the baked potato. I went home. Chad went to the gym.

I tried taking a nap. I telephoned Chad at about 4:15PM.

Chad came over looking dashing in his black bow tie, white shirt and black velvet blazer. I changed my clothes very quickly and we were off to The City.

The San Francisco Bay Cruise Party was pretty fun. The food was good. Chad seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself.
Karyn Kossoff said, “Michael, I have a question but I want to make sure you won’t be offended if I ask.”
I knew this was coming.
“No, its okay, Karyn…just ask me.”
“Are you and Chad more than roommates?”
I denied it.
Now that I think on it I am sort of offended.

Ron Shelly tried to persuade Chad to do a line of COKE.
Ron said to Chad, “I hope to see you Friday night for Karyn’s farewell.”
I may or may not go to Karyn’s farewell. Drinks are expensive. Funds are slim this time of year.

The fist-clencher event on the boat came when Chad slapped my face! I kiddingly made a remark to Carmen about her slip.
Carmen said, “My slip doesn’t match my dress.”
I said something like this: “Let me see…or just go up the stairs to the upper deck and I’ll try to look under.”
Maybe it’s Chad’s gentleman nature or his religious upbringing but he sure as hell knew I was kidding around. It was a party and I didn’t mean any harm. Besides that I was sure she’s heard worse lines. Regardless, Chad’s slap was uncalled for. Of course, Dale Orlando had to be the person to notice.
Dale blurted, “Good slap, Chad!”
The big slob!

The rest of the cruise was okay. I danced with Karyn Kossoff, Margaret Lai, Michelle Fall’s sister (Stacey), and Elizabeth Center. That was about it. I didn’t win a door prize either.

At first I thought Chad seemed to envy the relationship of Ryan and Joe. Surprisingly, I saw Chad give them a dirty look while in the bathroom. One of those ‘Ugh, you’re fags’ looks.

After the cruise Mary, Brenda, Carmen, Mary’s brother, Chad and I went to SILOHETTES. It was an okay after party (nice and brief). We all had a good time.

Chad and I went home and we reconciled our differences regarding ‘The Slap’ during the drive. I’d almost forgotten but it bummed me out to think of it—as it still does.
I told Chad once before, “If you ever hit me that would move me in the wrong way.”
I’d say ‘The Slap’ constitutes as a hit.


One thought and one thought alone was in his mind.
-Shyam Selvadurai
"Cinnamon Gardens", a novel

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"No Show"

"If you want her...don't try...don't plan...don't prepare...FEEL!"
-as heard in the 2000 Film
"Woman On Top",
starring Penelope Cruz

Twenty-five years ago today

December 13, 1985
Friday

Well, today is Friday the 13th. I trust a lucky versus unlucky day is in store for me. It’s nice to have a clean car again.

Well, it’s now time for breakfast. Maybe I’ll have a pancake today.

Work flew by as usual. I met my commitment to go to the gym. Chad pulled another “no show” but that’s okay.

Denise Vinsonhaler telephoned me at work to flake out on lunch. She urged me to go to Baxter’s in Concord tonight once again. I don’t really care to go there two weekends in a row.

I was home after my gym work out and watched my taped episode of DYNASTY. I telephoned Chad and he was preparing his Christmas Cards.
“I can’t wait to see them,” I said excitedly.
“I’ll try and come over later.”
I was happy that Chad planned to come over but as it turned out he didn’t.

Strangely enough, Margaret Lai telephoned me in the middle of the night. She was crying about Dex and his attitude towards her. I tried to console her, and then I went to bed.

"Some mysteries are better left unsolved."
-KYLE XY,
Season I

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Santa's Helper

Man is an animal organism with (like others) an unmistakably bisexual disposition. The individual corresponds to a fusion of two symmetrical halves, of which, according to some investigators, one is purely male and the other female.
-Sigmund Freud
"Civilization and its Discontents"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 12, 1985
Thursday

It was 9:07AM and Chad had set his alarm clock for 9:15AM.
“Chad, you have eight more minutes.”
It was now 9:12AM.
“Chad, you have three minutes.”
Suddenly, he yelled at me.
“I can’t stand that!”
Chad stormed out of the bed and yelled loudly, “Please don’t do that!”
I said calmly, “Please don’t yell at me.”
Then Chad stormed in to the bathroom and shut the door.

I remained in bed for a while and then decided to get up myself. I was planning to stay and wash my car while he got his hair cut but I decided to just leave.

By the time Chad came out of the bathroom he transformed his attitude and became apologetic.
“I’m sorry for yelling.”
He tried to rationalize his grouchiness in the mornings.
“It’s all right,” I said, giving in easily.
I still decided to leave when he departed for his scheduled hair cut appointment.

I went straight to mom’s house and enjoyed a hearty meal of pancakes for breakfast. I went ahead and washed my car after all. I had the air pressure in my tires checked, including the oil, lube and filter change. I returned to my place and went over to play with my niece, Ashley, for a while. I ate a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.

I took a nap at mid-afternoon and dreamt about all of my bills that needed to be paid. It’s true that we all try to dream our problems away. Chad had previously mentioned a dream of someone trying to kill—or get rid of—him. I bet that someone is Larry, his roommate, because in reality he has been hinting and pressuring Chad to move out of his house.

I thought I left my keys inside my house and locked myself out at four o’clock today. I sneaked into mom’s house and couldn’t find my spare key. I telephoned Dad at his work place.
Dad solved the mystery: “I have the spare key and garage opener in my Pinto.”
Since Dad’s Pinto was parked at his work establishment at the Del Monte Corporation I chose to stay over at my brother’s (John) house until 11:30PM (when my Dad would be getting home).

After John left for work and Sherri was about to leave I realized that I’d left my keys at John’s house all along when I came by earlier to play with Ashley.

I left a message with Larry.
“Oh, Hi Larry, could you just tell Chad that I called.”
“Okay, I know he’s at his folks’ house.”

I received a phone call from Steph Redding.
“So Michael, how do you like my book, The Texas Temptress?”
“Well, I haven’t had a chance to start it yet.”

Chad returned my call. I arranged a meeting with him at the Southland Mall in Hayward for 8PM.

I left my house and arrived at the Southland Mall before Chad. I ended up browsing some stores and bought my sister-in-law, Sherri, a purse for Christmas. The sales girl was cute, too. She gave me a tempting ‘I like you’ kind of smile.
I smiled back and said, “You make a good lookin’ Santa’s helper. It makes me want to be Santa!”
After purchasing the gift she said, “You’d make a cute Santa.”
That statement could be taken as a complement—I guess.

Chad showed up and we shopped for a shirt for my Company Christmas Cruise Party and a gift for my niece, Lauren. I also bought a few strawberry preserves for my office Section.

Lastly, Chad and I went to our clean cars (both were washed today). We sat in my car for a while and Chad was wondering about me. I think he was a trite bit worried about how and why I left his house this morning. I believe he just wanted reassurance of my feelings—but he must know! I mean, I do “feel” for Chad. He trusts me as I do him.

I went home and was in bed by 10:30PM.
Chad telephoned.
“I wanted to wish you a good night. I’ll call you between five forty-five and eight o’clock tomorrow night so we can get together at the gym and maybe come to my place for a pizza and video.”
I replied, “I like that idea…and I look forward to it.”

I was falling asleep when Denise Vinsonhaler telephoned.
“Are you blind to NOT know when someone really likes you?” Denise asked, “Namely me!”
I laughed.
She continued, “I’ll come to San Francisco tomorrow afternoon to meet you for lunch.”
“Okay,” I said, but I’m skeptical. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Chad had told me he’d meet me in The City for lunch on Monday, December 16th. It’s his birthday. He’ll be the BIG ‘26’.

"She delights me."
-actor, Eric Bogosian
TIME STANDS STILL
Broadway Play, CORT Theater

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Texas Temptress

Odd that a few lines of typing could mean so much, could so change a person's life.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 11, 1985
Wednesday

I learned that I have another day off with pay this year. I may take this day off tomorrow!

Today our office is having a catered lunch. At 2PM our Section and others are going on a San Francisco tour with a dinner to follow. It should end around 7:30PM or so. I’ve just had one activity after another lately.

Oh yes-Stephanie Redding is supposed to be coming in to The City today, too. That’ll be a sight. I talk to her over the phone enough. I wonder how she’ll appear now. I wonder if she’s still fat. I wonder what Christmas gift she purchased for me. I haven’t found anything for her. I’m not sure what to get her (period!). I’ll see.

The main ones on my Christmas list now are Sherri, Lauren, Grandma, Paloma, Margaret, my coworkers in Section G. I am adding Steff and Tabitha, too—I guess (only tidbit gifts, of course). I’m broke!

Steff Redding did come by. She brought me a gift too. The gift gesture kind of surprised me. She also brought “Texas Temptress” by Jean Haught (the paperback book that she supposedly wrote). We ate lunch at Elsie’s Café and had a nice talk. The hour went by very fast.

It was 2PM before I knew it and we were off for our San Francisco Touring Adventure. First, we went to the Cable Car Barn, then inside some Submarine near Pier 43 ½. We went to some Fortune Cookie factory on Otis near South Van Ness. Last—but not least—we dined near Union Street. It was a good dinner. We all had a fun time.

By 8:30PM I was home. I telephoned Chad, leaving him a message:
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m heading over to the gym. Maybe I’ll see you there. Oh—I have tomorrow as a day off, too.”

As it turned out, Stephanie Bautista (my boss), had ripped me off a day with pay; whereby, I just decided to take the day off tomorrow (Thursday). Why not just take the next available day off?

While at the gym I was on my second set with lifting weights when I looked up and saw Chad walking in my direction. I had seen Leonard Perillo’s BMW outside but I didn’t see him in the gym.

Chad and I talked a bit and then I decided to go outside, terminating my work out. While I was outside, some guy named Bill asked for a ride home to Castro Valley. I took him and then followed Chad to his house. Chad received a voice mail message from a couple of gal friends. These girls were going to SHAKERS in Hayward, so we decided to go there.

When we arrived at SHAKERS we saw no sign of these girls.  The place was ‘dead’, so we left and dropped by some other bar.  We walked out of that place, too.  I ended up spending the night with Chad at his pad in Castro Valley.



"Notice how she sticks around?  Women don't stick around unless they like you!"
-RED, 2010 Film
starring Bruce Willis, Mary Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich

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Mingling With the Crowd

"When you want something you forget everything else."
-as heard while watching the 2008 German film
"NORTH FACE"

Twenty-five years ago today

December 10, 1985
Tuesday

I am wearing the new scarf I bought that I thought was “me” at MACY’s San Francisco. I saw it when I was with Chad last Saturday.

It’s hard to floss my teeth regularly. I always forget. I have a dentist appointment on January 9th, so I better floss regularly!

I telephoned Chad this afternoon. I was hoping he’d be home but he wasn’t. I left word with Larry.
“Oh, just let him know I called,” I said.

I went with Margaret Lai after work to the Pac Tel Info Systems Open House. I met Emmalene Yee. We drank wine and champagne. We ate sushi and other hors d’oeuvres. It was fun mingling with the crowd. Margaret enjoyed it.

I returned to the office and Dale Orlando was waiting for me. We had to continue on with our committee functions. We had to deal with buying door prizes at Price Club for our Christmas Cruise. We arrived at Price Club at about 8:15PM. It was a mad house there! We saw Michelle there. She was kind of rude to me. I was glad when it was all over. Dale and I chose a number of pretty good door prizes.  Then we went off and 'exploded' over something or another and I didn’t say a whole lot to him.  I still feel he’s a big asshole.

I was home by 10:15PM. I was just getting in to bed when I figured I should give Chad a phone call. He may have returned my call. As it turned out he was just falling asleep.
“No, its okay, I’m glad to hear from you,” Chad said deliriously.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, where were you all night?”
I explained.  Rest-assured we ended up having a restful, caring conversation. I learned he has two finals tomorrow (History and Math).
Chad said groggily, “I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning.”
And so, we didn’t say a whole lot except the general mushiness.


I went to sleep. Chad went to sleep.

"We're a fixture!"
-Audrey Hepburn
in the 1967 film "Two For The Road"

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A Charming Chum

"From now on we don't copy, we examine, we probe."-Hugh Dancy
"Confessions of a Shopaholic", 2009 Film

Twenty-five years ago today

December 9, 1985
Monday

Steph Redding won $1000 in the Lottery. She’s coming to San Francisco on Wednesday to meet me for lunch.

There was a big bash this morning, getting everyone at the office all riled up about selling in order to make a 10,000 sales point day. I did my usual contact handling. If I sell…I sell.

Margaret invited me to a stockholder’s luncheon at the Meridien Hotel tomorrow.
“Sure, I’ll go,” I said, smiling.
It’s an hour and a half luncheon. It sounds good to me.

Then Emmaleane from Pac Tel Info Systems asked, “Why don’t you come by our store because we’re having an Open House between five and seven tomorrow night?”
“I’ll try and be there!”

Then there’s the San Francisco Tour and Dinner on Wednesday. And then there’s our Company Cruise on Saturday! It’s just one party thing after another—or so it seems.

I went to the gym right after work, arriving at 6:30PM. I left at 8PM, feeling like I had a fair work out.

When I arrived home Stephanie Redding telephoned. She’s such a lonely woman. She calls me so much. She is an enlightening spirit, so I love her as my friend.

I didn’t telephone Chad. I did think about the both of us. I miss him. I wrapped his birthday gift. I clipped magazine pictures and other clip art from other sources. He should love it. He’ll probably love the wrap-job more than the gift.

I refrained from calling Chad for I know he is cramming on finals. He’ll do well.

I hate it when I feel an argument coming on when Chad is being disagreeable or vice versa. I shouldn’t let it bug me. I’m learning to speak out over whatever issue comes up that affects us. He is a charming chum. I like it when he says, “I think of you.” If he becomes my roommate I’ll really enjoy that. I am beginning to be able to actually fall asleep with him while he’s around. We both had no trouble with our Sunday Afternoon nap yesterday. Sleeping comes natural when one is truly exhausted.

"It takes experience to be careful."
-"Shall We Kiss",
2007 French Film

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The Last Time

PHOTO Collage:
Mary Genoveva Leyba-Lucero

"A relationship is like a shock. It has to constantly move forward or it dies."
-Woody Allen to Diane Keaton on a TWA Flight
"Annie Hall", 1977 Film

Today, December 8, 2010 is the MEMORIAL Service for my maternal grandmother, Mary Genevieve Leyba-Lucero in San Leandro, CA. She was born on July 10, 1913 in Cerrillos, New Mexico and passed away on December 5, 2010 in Walnut Creek, California.  She will be greatly missed by her children, grandchildren and many great and great-great children.

Below is a bit of insight about my grandmother's maiden name (LEYBA) and her married name (LUCERO).

The surname LEYBA has been identified by the Holy Office of the Catholic Church of Spain as a Sephardic (Jewish) surname. If you are interested in researching this aspect of the LEYBA family line, you are invited to visit Sephardim.com, located at http://www.sephardim.com
The LUCERO name originates in SPAIN.  The surname LUCERO in New Mexico translates to "The Morning Star" (the planet Venus) or "El Lucero de la Manana". The work "luz" (pronounced luce) means "light or candlelight". There is a Coat of Arms for the LUCERO name that is available throught the Historical Research Center. It has a knights armor with three feathers on top. There is bright yellow, smiling sun on the shield. It is of royal blue and bright yellow color.

Spelling variations of this family name include: Lucero, Lucío, Lucio, Luz, de Luz, de la Luz, Luzío, de Luzío, Luzio and many more.

First found in Aragon, an important Christian kingdom of medieval Spain.

Some of the first settlers of this family name or some of its variants were: Early migrants to the New World included Juan Luz, who sailed to America in 1527; Francisco de Luzío sailed to Guatemala in 1538; Alonso de Luz sailed to Peru in 1592.

The Lucio name is also quite common in Italy.

Twenty-five years ago today

December 8, 1985
Sunday

On Sunday morning at 10:30AM Chad and I finally got up out of bed. We went bicycling to Ole’s Waffle Shop. We shared a great breakfast or so I thought.
Chad announced, “That’s the last time I want to go there because I prefer a quiet setting on Sunday mornings.”
I would have to concur with that statement.

After our breakfast we walked our bikes and browsed through a few Park Street stores. We gave South Shore Shopping Center a quick run over, too. We returned to my house where we both took a nap together. Then we got up and ________.

 I drove Chad home to Castro Valley.

Then we went to the Ice-Cream Dock for avocado cheeseburgers. We returned to my place. All in all there was a lot of good that took place over the weekend. Chad did claim I ‘cut him down’ and made him feel foolish a few too many times. He may have been correct. Perhaps I was a bit harsh but then maybe it was because of Friday night. He made me feel hurt inside (especially when he doesn’t allow me to touch. He’s working on it though. Things will hopefully blow over for the best.
I stopped at my mom and dad’s house on the way back. Mom and Dad were involved in a movie, so I left not long after my arrival (thirty minutes to be exact).

Once home I telephoned Chad.
“I just want to wish you a happy month-a-versary.”
We both forgot.
“Good night.”
“Good night.”

"Let's start over."
-as heard in the 1997 Hong Kong film
HAPPY TOGETHER

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