Claustrophobic

Life can make the most surprising turns.
Love is hard to believe.
Many things are hard to believe.
-Yann Martel
"The Life of Pi"

Twenty-five years ago today

January 3, 1986
Friday

I am so glad that it’s Friday again. I will miss these short and broken-up weeks as they come to an end.
Upon arriving home from work I was in the mood to go out after not going out on New Year’s Eve.

I started to ‘handsome-up’ when I received a phone call from Chad.
“I was planning on going to the gym after a short nap,” Chad said.
“Oh yeah…well, I guess I can meet you there.”
We worked out together. We considered going to BAXTER’s in Concord after the gym. Chad didn’t really want to go to my house either. I could understand his feelings after being there so often for the last couple of weeks. I’m sure he felt claustrophobic.

We got into a tidbit argument.
Chad said, “I’m wondering if I’ve made the right decision about us after seeing Maria at Chabot College today. And I don’t feel like going to your house for the same routine.”
My heart sank a little but maybe he is right. He threw a curve ball but I had a good reply.
“We need to be creative is all,” I said.
“I agree.”

We went to ALPHA BETA for groceries and then we went to my house. We watched FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEOS. We laughed and munched on the snacks.

When we went to bed I wanted to…
…but Chad was too tired and didn’t want to.
And so I blurted out, “I hope you know I hate you!”
I then got up and retreated downstairs to the couch. He came downstairs eventually. We had a talk.
Chad confessed, “Deep down I think I may be trying to get you to hate me—but I really don’t want you to. I’m just scared now that I’m starting school again that I may find someone new.”
“What are you saying?”
Suddenly, Chad started to explain when he said, “You just can’t take constructive criticism.”
We argued about that one. I also argued with him about his insensitive nature towards my feelings.

Ironically, after all was said and done we made up and went back to bed.


We have to convert anger into some kind of energy that is more constructive.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
"Being Peace"