Thoughtfulness

"...we can't expect our life to be pat, our future to be a decided and fixed thing...Especially when you are young and the world lies before you and truly anything is possible. One must be pliant, one must not be afraid to say one doesn't know where one is going, to simply stand still without moving until the path one must take becomes clear. Otherwise a person is quite liable to grab on to the first thing that comes along and live to regret it all of their life."
-Shyam Selvadurai
"Cinnamon Gardens", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 31, 1985
Saturday

It seemed like I had a million errands to do today. I managed.

I drove over to Berkeley to get some of Paloma’s things at Bonnie’s house (where she was employed as an au pair). I was going to go to Hayward to see about a new garage door opener but I decided NOT to have the gadget replaced. Instead, I called them and got a figure as to how much I would be deducting from Marty’s rental deposit.

I was going to lie in the sun for a while but I didn’t. I did manage to squeeze in a bike ride. I saw windsurfer Ron. He looked bigger. Maybe he just came from working out or the windsurfer excursions are helping his physique.

I went to visit John, Sherri, Ashley and now “Heidi” since she temporarily moved-in with them. Heidi is one of Sherri’s best-friends. I guess it’s a good idea for John and Sherri (financially speaking) to have a border. I got Ashley’s dress size (2T). I will have to find her an outfit in Paris.

I went to mom’s house for dinner (after my gym workout). Lorraine Garcia gave me a Bon Voyage jump rope and book to take along on my trip. That was extraordinarily thoughtful of her. She’s so sweet. I love her thoughtfulness, but I know I am not in love with her.

I stopped at my Grandmother’s house to pick up some authentic New Mexico Chile that my mom wanted. That was nice. My cousin, Sandy Gallegos-Frits, and her new husband, Mike, were there. Sandy’s always so quiet. Her new “hubbie” was rather quiet, too. Whatever. They’re family.

Mom set up a nice dinner for me, Sherri, John, Tony and Helen. It was pretty good. It was especially nice to be all together for a dinner. They all bid me a ‘Bon Voyage’.

I watched the movie “Windy City” with Tony and Helen. Then I went home and watched the movie “Blind Date” again.

Those family gatherings mean a lot to me. I am lucky to have such a heartwarming family that loves me and vice versa.

While home I was drifting off to sleep when Rachelle Davies telephoned with her pal, Heidi, on the other line. They called to say that Heidi is ‘for sure’ not attending the WHAM concert.

I fell asleep but woke early to a 6AM surprise phone call from Nici Maurino. I hadn’t spoken to her in months. I invited her to the WHAM concert.


However great the hardship, pursue with firmness the happy end.
-The Tirukkural, v.669
(as read in "Cinnamon Gardens", a novel)

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That 'Main Topic'

August in Paris was known as la morte-saison, "the dead season", because everybody who could possibly vacate did so as quickly as possible.
-Julia Child
"My Life In France"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 30, 1985
Friday

I gave Paloma a call this morning at her job. She is so sweet. It will be so much fun. I can’t wait to get to Paris. It’s getting closer and closer. She seems very excited that I am coming. I hope she’ll understand that I can’t marry her…at least not on this trip.
Paloma said, “I may have to work. My boss doesn’t get back until the first of September.”
I guess she works at some gift shop in Paris. I am anxious to see exactly how it is there in France. Paloma seems to think it’s no big deal about coming to Paris. It really is a big deal for me.

The office made a Bon Voyage celebration deal for Ryan Hargrave because he’s going to be gone for a month. Maybe it was silly for me to plan a trip to Paris for only two weeks. I think it will be more than enough time though. I bet I will want to stay longer. I’m sure I will yearn for a return visit.
Paloma exclaimed, “I will take you to my gym where all of the pro-bodybuilders work out.”
That’s intimidating. The last two times we spoke on the phone she never once mentioned anything about that ‘main topic’ I told her about.

Work flew by. I have all of these people that I have to buy gifts and things (earrings, T-shirts, etc.).

Rachelle says, “Heidi may not be able to go to the WHAM concert after all.”
Hell. Time will tell, I guess.

I did not go to the gym tonight. Instead, I did some aerobics and went for my first jog to the Bay Farm Island Bridge. I liked the run. I may continue with running after an aerobics routine.

Helen, my sis-in-law, finally came over. She brought over some garlic bread, stuffed zucchini and spaghetti. Needless to say, my tummy was very full. I believe I was full because after my workout I was so darn thirsty that I drank an excessive amount of juice and water (before the meal).

Helen and I watched “Angel My Love”, a dumb movie about gypsies. The little boy on the movie was a real brat. The movie wasn’t so great but the second movie we watched called “EatingRaoul” was kind of funny. We enjoyed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3N5l-URMJw 

Helen left at 2 o’clock and I went to bed after a quick shower.

The more I learned the more I realized how very much one has to know before one is 'in-the-know' at all.
-Julia Child
"My Life In France"

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Give Me A Break

What a fate, to be condemned to work for a firm where the smallest omission at once gave rise to the gravest suspicion!
-Franz Kafka
"The Metamorphosis"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 29, 1985
Thursday

It was a very pressurized day at the office with Guy Grivet, Cindy Marino and Chris as RD (Research and Developmental stand-in managers). I especially did not like the way Guy was checking to make sure everyone was open for customer calls. Give me a break…as if we’re children.

Dale made a disclosure.
“Michael, Rachelle called me to say that Heidi may not be able to go to the concert. That means you can bring your new girlfriend.”
“Give me a break.”
I gave Rachelle a call and I believe we persuaded Heidi into going to the concert after all.

I went to the gym and had a decent workout tonight. I remained on the Life cycle for twenty-five minutes, working up a good sweat. My jock-itch isn’t so itchy anymore. I think it’s all gone bye-bye.

I met a gal named Laverne after my workout. She’s a very fat ‘porker’. She works in the Intensive Care Unit somewhere in Berkeley. I was going to suggest she move-in with me but I don’t think so. She’s too fat, sweet and nice; however, the two of us couldn’t live together. It would be a misfit situation. I will stick to living alone.

I telephoned my sister-in-law, Helen, and she is probably coming over tomorrow night. Tomorrow I may just go home to exercise via a video aerobics class and then run. Who knows? It might be a good change.

I telephoned Rachelle and we had a nice chat. We miss one another.

I telephoned Chris Cordellos, too. We had a good talk. His sister had a baby girl and named it Natasha Nicole. He seemed in ‘okay’ spirits.
Chris announced proudly, “I was back in L.A. doing some modeling, but now I’m back.”
“So what are you doing now?”
“I am going to cosmetology school.”

I thought silently, “Oh brother.”
And then I said, “Oh good, now I’ll have a new hair cutter.”
Chris chuckled and said, “Yeah!”
I continued to chat, telling him tidbits about Rachelle and Karen and my forthcoming trip to France.
“I can’t believe I’m leaving on Monday,” I said excitedly.

Sometimes while I am at work I get the urge to workout. My anxieties are relieved from my workouts.


"Damn your idea of my kindness...I ask you to come with me because I want you and your company, and if you don't believe me you can leave the car now and find your own way home. Go on, open the door, and get out!"
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

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Are We Getting Married?

She had beauty that endured, and a smile that was not forgotten. Somewhere her voice still lingered, and the memory of her words.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 28, 1985
Wednesday

I had lunch with Dale and Sue Leith. It was pleasant enough.

Once again I feel guilty for not exercising today.

Dale and I went to Long’s Drugstore and my local Video Store. We watched “Ghoulies” and “Blind Date. Dale left my place at around ten o’clock. Thank God! I know I could never have him as a roommate. He eats too much for one reason. He is kind of messy to live with, too.

Paloma telephoned me! She’s excited about my coming to Paris.
I was aghast when she asked, “Are we getting married?”
I forget what I said at that direct question but she said, “You better bring your birth certificate.
I don’t know.
I said, “We’ll talk about it when I get there.”
Paloma asked, “Uh, could you get some things that I left at Bonnie’s?”
“No problem.”

How could I be flying to France to be seeing a woman that wants to marry me, knowing that my heart is fondling over the thought of another woman from Pleasanton, CA who happens to be in Korea right now?

And Denise, the cop, telephoned me as well. She’s all hyped-up over me. She almost makes me feel sorry for her. She’s really NMT (Not My Type). Why prolong it? Why lead her on? The same situation flows with Lorraine Garcia.

Dale is so nosey with wanting to know who is calling, etcetera. There is no way I could ever be his roommate.

I am considering Paloma as a wife and then I suddenly consider Karen Melton. I figure it’s my duty to get to know Karen better before I decide.

I bought some neat “An American In Paris” postcards today.


"We've got to break out of here before we're totally boxed-in."
-Inception, 2010 motion-picture

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The Past

"What I want I go after, I don't want it to go after me."
-actor Garry Merrill as Bill Simpson
in the 1950 film "All About Eve"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 27, 1985
Tuesday

I was not happy once I returned home from work today. I checked my mailbox and found a Preferred VISA bill along with a letter from Marty, the ex-roommate. I’m glad I took the steps to cut up those credit cards.

I was lazy after my work day. I just lounged at home and chose to do ‘nothing’.

I have been trying to call Paloma but there is still no answer, followed by a disconnect recording!

I telephoned Lorraine Garcia and she may have a connection for me for a commission sales job at a car dealership. This might prove interesting.

I wrote out some cover letters to a select few car dealers. I also wrote Karen Melton another card. Finally, I simply went to bed. Yawn.

Oh yes, I did call on Rachelle Davies one more time. I repeated the information about having the WHAM concert backstage telephone numbers. She seemed excited. Somehow I knew from this phone call that she really is a thing of my ‘love’ past.

“My papa once said to me you must keep your memories but you can’t live in the past.”
-actress Natasha Richardson
as Ruth Gruber in the 2001 film “Haven’

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Just My Imagination

"Everyone needs a little luxury, a little self-indulgence from time to time."
-Joanne Harris
"CHOCOLAT"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 26, 1985
Monday

I had a really great sales productivity day.

I wore my jeans and a light blue work shirt to work today.
Mary McTiernan asked, “Why the dress down today?”
I was flustered. I honestly did not think anyone would notice. Tomorrow will be different. It’s jacket and tie day for me.

Someone mysteriously left a bottle of Paris Capucci Cologne spray on my desk. I have yet to figure out who the gift is from. I think it may have been Barbara Reynolds.

There are only three more work days and the next Monday morning I leave for New York.

I managed to do my aerobic workout after work. I went to the gym, too.

When I arrived home from the gym I did something miraculous. I cut up all of my credit cards into four pieces each. I am glad I did it. I guess it’s because I received my Preferred VISA from Citibank and it showed a balance of five-thousand dollars. I couldn’t hang. I’ve decided I have only one Chase Manhattan VISA that I will use for my trip to France. And then, that card will get cut up upon my return.

I called Lorraine Garcia.
“Guess what I did?”
“What?”
“I cut up just about all of my credit cards!”
I just had to tell someone.

I showered and wet to bed. I decided to call Rachelle.
“Guess what I did?”
“What?”
“I looked up the telephone order installation for the WHAM concert and I have the backstage telephone number.”
She got overly excited. Then she had to get off of the phone to talk to her girlfriend, Danee.
She got off the phone as I was telling her how much I hate it when Dale tells me how sexy a certain man fellow is.
I said, “I can’t stand it.”
I wonder if that comment spurred her on to hanging up or if it was just my imagination.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap3Sdp4nGqM

I need to write Karen Melton one more time. She still has not written me, yet. I wonder if she received the cards I sent her.

I did not arrive home until 6:15PM yesterday. I was amidst a great traffic jam because I took the wrong turn. I followed Dale Orlando. As it turned out Dale was planning on going out for a drink; however, I bet he’s still working as a driver (and then some) for that Sally’s Escort Service.

Marty, my ex-roommate, wrote me a letter. He wrote:
I don’t know how to explain this but to just write it. Your garage door opener was burglarized from my car! I will reimburse you for it.
What a creep! Now I have another mishap to deal with.

I am going to make copies of my Bachelor of Science degree to attach to my resume as I seriously try to get a part-time commission sales job. This experience would enhance my chances of a transfer to an Advertising Sales Representative position in Yellow Pages.


Just drop the head game and let it all be. The question and answer syndrome can be endless, and the mind often persuades us that the next answer that's on the next page might do it for us.
-Tony Parsons
"AS IT IS"

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An Identity

A root of an equation is a number which substituted into the equation instead of an unknown converts the equation into an identity. The root is said to satisfy the equation. Solving an equation implies finding all of its roots. An equation that is always satisfied, no matter what the choice of values for its unknowns, is called an identity.
(a + b)2 = a2 + 2ab + b2.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 25, 1985
Sunday

I woke up Denise too early. She wanted to sleep some more, so I let her do that. I decided to telephone her again and I wanted to drive over to Clayton, California to meet her for breakfast.
Denise said, “I look like shit and I really think I should sleep some more.”
“Oh, okay,” I shrugged.
She added, “Just don’t go away too far.”
I laughed at that line and proceeded to bike ride to mom’s house for breakfast. I continued on a bike ride for about two hours.

After the ride I returned to mom’s house and found my brother, Tony, and his wife, Helen there. We watched the movies “A Little Sex” and “Making the Grade” together. After the double-feature I returned to my pad for some rest and relaxation.

Rachelle Davies called me. I got the impression that she is missing me a lot. She, of course, did not admit it. It would interfere with her identity. She sounded very sweet and most agreeable over the phone.
Rachelle announced proudly, “Last night, Danee and I went to San Fran and we were enticed into a male strip joint.”
I laughed but didn’t feel like hearing much more.
I explained, “I’m so tired and sleepy.”
She made no argument and let me hang up the phone and go to bed.

I JO’d three times during the night. I simply couldn’t sleep. I had a brainstorm idea to try and get part-time sales positions at one of three car dealerships (BMW, MAZDA or a PORSCHE dealership). Maybe I’ll get lucky.

"I have had some illusions shattered."
-as heard in the not-very-good 2007 film
"The Walker"

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Exit Strategy

"I wish that moon would hurry."
She seemed to sense that he was waiting for it and would be inactive until it made its appearance.
"Yes, it would be terrible if it should be behind schedule on this particular night."
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Sometimes I like that trance-like electronica dreamscape mood music. Listen to it by CLICKing here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WPCLda_erI&feature=related

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 24, 1985
Saturday

Yesterday my telephone rang and it was another mysterious ‘hang up’ as soon as my voice was heard saying ‘Hello’. I know it was probably Rachelle Davies. I refused to call her back. I have not spoken to her since last Wednesday (that was the infamous day that she was going out to see the Rick Springfield concert in Sacramento). She’ll get over Springfield sooner or later.

I woke up and went to mom’s house at 8:40 in the morning. She was babysitting Ashley. I played with Ash for a while and then went home to take a nap. I knew I was being lazy this weekend. I will have to make up for it sooner—or later. I didn’t even go out for a bicycle ride.

Helen dropped by at my mom’s house. She wanted me to accompany her to San Francisco to return a GUCCI purse. I didn’t really want to go—nor did my mom. When Helen returned from The City we went for a NATION’s Burgers visit.

Denise Vinsonhaler phoned me and we exchanged a few caring words.
“What are you doing?” Denise asked.
“Oh, I’m probably going to watch a video with my mom and sister-in-law. Maybe we can do something tomorrow,” I replied.
“Okay then why don’t you call me tomorrow.”
“I’ll do that.”

I watched the movie “DREAMSCAPE”. By 11PM I was feeling quite sleepy. I left mom’s house and went to bed. I decided to make a phone call to Rachelle but there was no answer. I decided to make another phone call to Denise but there was no answer.  It was time to ‘dreamscape’ about Karen and wonder what is in store for me with regard to Paloma.


The only way he could manage to survive the shift was by concentrating on his exit strategy and by reminding himself that in so many ways, he was already gone.
-Richard Price
"Lush Life"

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Quick Peck

An intelligence officer who let his cock rule any part of his life was obviously not a good agent.   It was as though the man thought himself above all normal rules.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 23, 1985
Friday

I received my airline tickets for France today. Hurrah! I am on my way. Now the only shaky question is why Paloma’s phone is disconnected and what that may (or may not) mean for my arrival to Western Europe.

Our salad luncheon raked up $110 dollars at the Business Office today. The leftover ice-cream raked up another $40 dollars, so we made a reasonable $150 dollars overall. That’s good!

I returned home from my workday and only did the beginner’s workout on video. I petered-out given that it was a Friday and readied myself to go to Baxter’s in Concord.

When I arrived at Baxter’s I saw Denise Vinsonhaler, the Benicia policewoman, there. We danced. We actually had a pretty good time. I ended up meeting her twenty-five year old brother who looked a lot like a guy who could be employed by the Mafia.

I walked Denise to her car at the end of the evening, giving her a quick, simple kiss on the lips. It’s what I call a “quick peck”.

When I first entered Baxter’s I had seen that blond that worked there that looked a lot like Karen Melton from behind. It wasn’t her, of course. I miss Karen.

"You remember the Rupert Brooke poem, "The Voice"?"
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path

THE VOICE
by Rupert Brooke

Safe in the magic of my woods
I lay, and watched the dying light.
Faint in the pale high solitudes,
And washed with rain and veiled by night,

Silver and blue and green were showing.
And the dark woods grew darker still;
And birds were hushed; and peace was growing;
And quietness crept up the hill;

And no wind was blowing

And I knew
That this was the hour of knowing,
And the night and the woods and you
Were one together, and I should find
Soon in the silence the hidden key
Of all that had hurt and puzzled me --
Why you were you, and the night was kind,
And the woods were part of the heart of me.

And there I waited breathlessly,
Alone; and slowly the holy three,
The three that I loved, together grew
One, in the hour of knowing,
Night, and the woods, and you ----

And suddenly
There was an uproar in my woods,

The noise of a fool in mock distress,
Crashing and laughing and blindly going,
Of ignorant feet and a swishing dress,
And a Voice profaning the solitudes.

The spell was broken, the key denied me
And at length your flat clear voice beside me
Mouthed cheerful clear flat platitudes.

You came and quacked beside me in the wood.
You said, "The view from here is very good!"
You said, "It's nice to be alone a bit!"
And, "How the days are drawing out!" you said.
You said, "The sunset's pretty, isn't it?"

By God! I wish -- I wish that you were dead!

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Cute and Coy

"Well, if you don't want butter you have to pull the dasher out in time!"
--as heard in the 1999 film, SONGCATCHER
in reference to NOT getting pregnant again.

PHOTO: Tatum O'Neal

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 22, 1985
Thursday

My big pay day with the raise is expected today. It was $610.00. I suppose that’s okay. Oh well, my funds will be shot once I return from Paris. I wonder why on earth Paloma has a disconnected phone.

Dale’s a big creep. Margaret Lai made a comment that God’s chosen a couple---a one-on-one---for everyone and that it’s all a matter of time as far as being matched. Dale made a snide remark when she said it. I need space from that Pillsbury Dough Boy.

My telephone suspiciously rang a few times with anonymous hanging up. I believe it was Rachelle. I did not bother to call her back. Spare me. I won’t give her the satisfaction after how she’s hurt me in a way that is too difficult to describe.

Dale revealed, “You know—Rachelle was interested in finding out about that escort service!”
I didn’t say much to that but it just reaffirms that she is just not right for me. I won’t even mention her frequent dependency on parties and drugs.

I returned the “A Little Sex” videotape after work and completed a few errands like stopping at the bank. I even stopped at Alpha Beta for veggies for the AIC/SDC Salad bar luncheon. What a drag to be assigned to bringing the veggies!

I went home and did my aerobic workout tape. The phone rang a couple of times but I refused to answer it during my workout. It’s not easy to answer the phone while doing leg lifts. I worked on myself instead---a social life can wait.

Bob called! He left a message on the answering machine. He’s one of the Chicago dudes.
I called him back.

Bob asked, “So what are you doing this weekend?”
I answered, “I don’t know actually. I know I’m going to the gym after work tomorrow.”
“Well, I’ll call you tomorrow night when you get back from the gym then.”
I thought it interesting that he didn’t mention Chuck at all. Bob seemed slightly bummed out when I told him that my dad said I could only have one roommate. So…who knows?

Then I got a surprise phone call from Denise Vinsonhaler. She is the Benicia cop! I can’t believe she called me. She talks a lot. She is nice and has been told that she resembles Tatum O’Neal. I could see that resemblance. She is a looker through my eyes. I kind of like her but the question is whether I am ready to get involved. That really is the question at hand. Denise sort of asked me out for tomorrow night in her own cute, coy way.
Denise said, “Caroline and another girlfriend of mine are going to Baxter’s again.”
“Well, I’ll probably go,” I replied.

Now I wonder if the Chicago dudes want to beat me up or something because they can’t move in with me. I doubt it. Maybe they just want to go out with me because they know I’ll attract the women. Ha-ha. No, I dunno.


"He was like one of those guards in front of Buckingham Palace. You know...totally erect___NOT, I didn't mean that."
-Richard Price
"A Lush Life"

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A Social Life

"Anytime something bad happens it's music that's the one place you can escape to let it go."
-as heard from the film AUGUST RUSH (2007)

I randomly found this tune by Doris Day called "Dream A Little Dream Of Me" a day or two ago. I can't stop listening to it. I love the lyrics and her voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAIIKuSI2Z0

Lyrics:

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longin’ to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
(instrumental break)

Stars shining up above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me
PHOTO: Doris Day

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 21, 1985
Wednesday

Another day at the office…but at least it was a big sales day for me in comparison to what I’ve been producing lately.

I received a phone call from Beth, the travel agent (who happens to be located in Ohio). Beth is sending my France airline tickets via Federal Express. Didn't she tell me that before? Where is the Fed Ex?

The dinner last night at HORATIO’s with Lorraine Garcia went over quite well. I still cannot get over how I felt like I had been inside her house before. I guess not. I am sure I was there with my cousin, Cecilia, who lives in that area. Could it have been a dream?

While at the gym Kelly was there. We exchanged a few words. She is nice.
Kelly said, “I don’t really have much of a social life.”
“Is that your choice?” I asked.
“No, it’s just that I like working on my own self right now.”
“I can relate to that,” I said, thinking it was very bright of her.

After the gym workout I went into the video store and they had a VHS tape of “A LITTLE SEX”. I rented it and made a taped copy for my private library. It is such a good movie!

Once I arrived home today from work I felt like napping. I was interrupted because the telephone kept ringing. I answered it one time and it was Cedric Green. I think he may want to move in with me but I don’t really want him to.


"What you do is just as important as what you say."
-KYLE-XY
Season II

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Deja Vu

"Here's a motive.   Men, overreact to pain.  And when they do?   They take everybody with them."
-Richard Price
"Lush Life"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 20, 1985
Tuesday

I left for work earlier than usual this morning since I didn’t know a thing about getting around in Daly City. It’s a good thing I left when I did due to all of the 'rubber-neckers' looking at an overturned and derailed truck accident of some sort.  Luckily, I even had time to fill up my tank with gas in Daly City.   I am in my car, outside the Installation Center now. I am dumbfounded as to the tour of the day but at least I have a name (Sam Freeman) that I will be expected to report to this morning.

My half-day in Daly City was semi-rewarding. I learned a bit of what the Installation Center is doing. I liked it but I’d like to ride-a-long with an Installer one day.  At least I was able to get out of work early today (four-thirty).

I was home by 5:05PM and slept until 6:20PM. I decided to give Lorraine Garcia a call. We were supposed to go out to eat at Giovanni’s but I really was in no mood to go. I know I have put her off long enough. I mean, she’s okay as a friend. That’s it! I am just not attracted to her in the sexual extent of things.   My phone rang and I looked at it in alarm.  I didn’t want to answer it.

When I called Lorraine we decided to go to Horatio’s in Berkeley instead.   It’s a lot closer.  I felt better about that.   When I arrived at Lorraine’s house I felt like I was there before with my cousin, Cecelia Markus.   It was very déjà vu.   In fact, I am sure I was there.   I mentioned it to Lorraine but she just gave me a puzzled look, so I dropped it.

Lorraine and I had a nice dinner.   We were served by a cute, nice waitress who was originally from Ohio.
Lorraine treated, so that was nice, too.  We stopped to check out some gym on Doolittle Drive in San Leandro.  It was just an okay sort of gym.  I dropped Lorraine off at home and proceeded to go home to do my ‘Muscle Motion’ aerobics video work out.

Dale telephoned.
“Michael, I just want to apologize for snapping at you when you returned from the 'ride day' yesterday.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” I said, wondering why he was really calling.
Dale has made some humongous sales strides by selling statewide 800 WATS lines versus half-State or Metro lines to existing customers.

I sent Karen Melton another card.   I’ve also been trying to call Paloma in Paris but her line is disconnected!   So now what?  I guess I will worry about that once I make my Paris arrival.

My jock-itch is improving but it seemed to spread a little bit; however, that is clearing up, too.   What a relief it will be when I can comfortably go cycling again.

I miss my niece, Ashley Marie Armijo.  I wish I could spend more time with her. At least she recognizes me as ‘Uncle Mike’.   She’s a doll…my little doll.

"It's one little part of the world but things take place there just like anywhere else."
-as heard in the 1995 film, "SMOKE"

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Hardening of Arteries

I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 19, 1985
Monday

Today was not only stressful but it was like a hardening of my arteries! Everyone (and their grandmother) was calling our office. It was non-stop bothersome while at work today.

I have a zit on my upper lip, too. That’s no consolation prize. I thought zits were over after the teen years. Maybe a bit of Rachelle is rubbing off on me. Ha-ha.

I wrote Karen Melton a ten-page letter yesterday. I really like this one. I wonder how things will turn out between us.

When I arrived home from work I creamed my ‘jock itch’ area, lied down and disregarded the telephone ringing. I got up at 7PM and went to work out. I saw Rachelle’s mother when I first walked in. Then I saw Kelly and she made some conversation. I think she may be growing to like me…or maybe not.
Kelly said, “I’ll be here at the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday.”
The fact that she told me she’d be here is a subliminal message for me is it not? Kelly’s in good shape.
I was surprised when Kelly said, “I was overweight back in my junior high school years.”
I could relate to that. I was overweight during those sixth to eighth grade days, too. We both got a kick out of that coincidental fact.

Some blond (really tan guy) at the gym spoke to me briefly today. I was going to ask him about my needing a roommate but I decided not to since I don’t really know him. He’s probably a better prospect than those three delinquent-like fellows from Chicago.

After the gym I came home and did my aerobics to the ‘Muscle Motion’ video. I didn’t complete the work out because Rachelle called me and I chose to answer the phone. I was feeling lazy.
Rachelle asked, “So why haven’t you called me?”
I rolled my eyes as she kept probing me. Every time I answered her she would repeat everything all over again. I was beginning to think that she just wanted her mom to overhear our conversation. Or maybe someone (like Dale Orlando) was on a third line eavesdropping. I wasn’t born yesterday! Rachelle thinks I’m naïve at times. I am very tired of her petty games. Things will be different between us from now on.  I won’t let her harden my arteries.  She has an overly hyperactive brat-like attitude.  She has a lot of growing-up to do.

Lorraine Garcia telephoned, also. We were supposed to have dinner on Sunday. I just played up to the whole idea of it. Now that Lorraine has made some extra money at a zucchini festival she has invited me to Giovanni’s (in Berkeley) for dinner tomorrow.
I thought, “Hell, why not go? It’s harmless. She’s nice, besides I get off of work at four-thirty tomorrow.”
I’m going to the Ocean Installation Center in Daly City at 8AM tomorrow as a sort of office field trip to see how departments interact. It should be interesting to see all of the installers, staff clerks in the LAC and DIAL centers.

Rachelle’s going to the Rick Springfield concert tomorrow at the Concord Pavilion.   She will also attend his concert at the Cal Expo in Sacramento the following day.   You’d think I would be enough.   What a teeny-bopper the way she idolizes the way she does.

I creamed my jock-itch and went to bed after eating a cantaloupe and drinking some apple juice. I feel a little guilty for not completing my workout videotape.  At least I went to the gym tonight.

"I'm still dreaming...a dream within a dream."
-as heard while watching the film, INCEPTION, 2010

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Head Games

Every moment was a precious thing, having in it the essence of finality.
-Daphne du Maurier
"REBECCA"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 18, 1985
Sunday

It was 9AM when the telephone rang. It was none other than Miss Rachelle Davies. She talks to me now as if we have NOT broken up!  What gives?   I don’t understand.  I almost don’t want her anymore with all of the head games she’s putting forth on me.  I love her in my own special way but she’s in a ‘too young world’ or something.  If she’d only wake up and smell the coffee. I am just wasting my time with her.   I want a girl that’ll want me solely and love me back.  I don’t want a girl who is all hyped-up into partying and ‘other shit’ all of the time.  It’s just like the morals that Jake Ryan stated during that movie called “SIXTEEN CANDLES”.   I feel the same way. Rachelle should see that movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3MK35Ls1TY

I enjoyed the pancakes at mom’s house this morning. Yummy.

Rachelle kept pressing.
“Why don’t you just come over and have some coke with me.”
I played along, but I cannot believe she was serious. What a druggie!
“Well, listen,” I said, “Maybe I’ll do a little stuff at the WHAM concert.”
I thought silently, “Sure, why not, it could be fun. I will. And to think, the day after the WHAM concert I fly to Paris!”

I rented a few more interesting movies: BRAINSTORM, DREAMSCAPE, SIXTEEN CANDLES and MAKING THE GRADE. They were for rent at Long’s Drugstore for $1.99 each. It was a great deal, so I taped them all for further viewing on a rainy day.

I ended up having dinner with mom and dad.

Later, I was doing my aerobics when Bob (one of the guys from Chicago) telephoned me at around two o’clock this afternoon.
Bob asked, “I was just wondering…did you talk to your Dad about renting your place?”
I didn’t say it aloud but I didn’t think I wanted any of these three guys moving in with me after all. First of all, two of them smoke. And as far as Chuck goes…well his cool blue eyes and the resemblance to Matt Houston (actor Lee Horsley) is too much. He thinks he’s Mr. Macho King and shit. I don’t need that childish jerk around. Bob and Chuck are only nineteen years old. Their friend Mike is twenty-one. They’re too young. They’re in that WHAM BAMM stage.
PHOTO: Actor, Lee Horsley

I watched a few movies tonight at mom and dad’s and returned home to my pad to sleep. Mom and I liked MAKING THE GRADE and SIXTEEN CANDLES a lot.

Tomorrow is another day. The good thing is that I only have two more weeks to go.

Rachelle is all hyped-up about her Rick Springfield-concert this coming Tuesday. Grow up!

"She had a right to amuse herself, didn't she? Lovemaking was a game with her, only a game."
-Mrs. Danvers when speaking of Rebecca.
"REBECCA" by Daphne du Maurier

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Looking for Miss Right

PHOTO: Actress, Samantha Eggar

It has given me great pleasure to talk to you.
I've learned several things that, perhaps, intentionally, were hitherto unknown to me. I'm grateful.
-Franz Kafka
"Description of a Struggle"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 17, 1985
Saturday

I was thinking about Karen.
Last night she had asked, “So how many brothers and sisters?”
I answered, “Two brothers,” and proceeded to show her pictures of my brothers. I actually had family pictures in my wallet.
Karen suddenly asked, “Why aren’t you married?”
“I was waiting for you!”
She laughed. I guess the reality of it is that ‘Miss Right’ simply has not crossed my path. Karen is so special to me.
Karen thrilled me when she said, “I will write to you, too.”
So, we’ll see how it goes.

I went over to mom and dad’s house and had breakfast there. Helen was there, too, and joined in on the breakfast treats.

I received a new CHASE MANHATTAN World VISA card today. That may or may not be a good thing.

Bob and Chuck came over to my house while I was taping two movies (EXPOSED and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET). We ordered a pizza. These were two of the three Chicago guys.  Mike couldn’t make it.  Both Bob and Chuck want to move-in to my townhouse.

After Bob and Chuck had left I told my mom about it; however, Dad didn’t like the idea of two roommates. As far as I’m concerned all three of them are QBL’s (Questionable types) but play it up to be studs (especially the Chuck character). We cancelled the idea of driving down to Santa Cruz. They returned to Walnut Creek. We may all go to Bobby McGee’s tonight.

I finished taping the flicks that I wanted to preserve for future viewing. Once I completed the videotaping I hopped into my car and drove to Walnut Creek. I got lost trying to find the house where these guys were staying (Chuck’s cousins’ house). I finally found the place. It was an okay sort of house (not exactly spic n’ span).

I had a BUD (Budweiser). I had three BUDS at home and one BUD here at Chuck’s cousins’ house. The four of us left for Bobby McGee’s but we couldn’t get in because Mike had faded jeans on. Bobby McGee’s doesn’t allow jeans. They’re so conscious about guests having nice attire. I swear!  What aggravation! And so…we went to PJWL’s (some other pub off of Ygnacio Valley Road).   It was fun.   I had about five STROH beers.

I was buzzin’ for a while there. I remember dancing with two girls. Once we were all wasted we went to my car. I put my convertible top down and headed on home to Chuck’s cousins’ house.

We had the munchies. We ended up eating pizza from Chicago that Chuck’s Grandmother made. We also ate Cap’n Crunch Berries cereal. It sounds like a nice combination after all of those beers, doesn’t it?

 
The guys said, “You know, you can spend the night here.”
I took them up on it. I fiddled with the piano that was in the living room. Finally, I went upstairs and fell asleep in one of the bedrooms. Chuck slept in there, too. What a potential ‘come on’. I simply couldn’t sleep. I finally just got up and drove myself home at four o’clock in the morning. I knew I could only sleep in my own bed. Good night all.

Luis had seen enough of life to know that grown men sometimes act like children.
-James Mitchell Clarke
"Luis of Guadalajara"

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Do You Wanna Dance

"His act fills his fantasy."
-as heard in the 1986 film
"MANHUNTER", based on the RED DRAGON book by Thomas Harris




Do You Wanna Dance
by The Ramones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KfHpm4s4w

Do you wanna dance and hold my hand? Tell me baby I'm your lover man Oh baby, do you wanna dance?
Well do you wanna dance under the moonlight? Squeeze and kiss me all through the night
Oh baby, do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you, do you wanna dance
Well do you wanna dance under the moonlight? Squeeze me baby all through the night
Oh baby, do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance?

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 16, 1985
Friday

I arrived to work and found myself talking to Dale Orlando.
“I went to Baxter’s in Concord alone last night.”
“You should have called me.”
“I know…but I just felt like checking out the scene myself,” I said.
I didn’t bother telling him that I couldn’t picture his presence there—for some reason.

Our Business Office Ice-Cream Day was today. It wasn’t super successful. We did make a profit that went over our cost breakpoint at least.

I received my airline departure times for September 2nd. I am flying on AIR FRANCE. I’m excited!

Dale asked me to join him and Sue Leigh for dinner. I didn’t accept. I was too excited about seeing Karen Melton again tonight.

I was home in a flash, doing my ‘Muscle Motion’ workout. For the last two weeks I went to the gym only twice (each week). It’s okay because my ‘Muscle Motion’ workouts are compensating. I don’t feel so bad for neglecting the gym visits.

By 8:30PM I was on my way to Baxter’s in Concord once again. I stood around the upper level, pondering over the singles bar. I kept a close eye on Karen Melton. Some short fellow bought Karen a flower. He happened to be right behind me.
Karen sneaked up behind me as she was working and made a comment about the short fellow.
“He’s married,” Karen said.
I smiled.
I thought it a good sign because she felt a need to give me that explanation. Ha-ha.

Some other guy named Bob came over and asked me about all of the hot spots in the area. Did I look like an authority or something? I told him what I knew. It seems Bob and his pals (Chuck and Mike) had driven here from Rockford, Illinois. These three traveling guys were staying in Walnut Creek at the home of Chuck’s cousin. I was talking to all of them when suddenly a gal who sort of resembled a mixture between actress Kate Jackson and ex-Nicole Drake (another actress on The Edge of Night) came right up to me.
The gal asked, “Hi, Do you wanna dance?”
I obliged her on the bold move. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KfHpm4s4w

As it turns out, the gal is a cop in Benicia, CA. She’s a police woman…just like Kate Jackson (sort of). We had a good talk but she was beyond me. She was a party-type gal and way over my range which made me put her in the category of ‘N.M.T.’ (Not My Type). I still kept my eye on Karen. I was certain that I saw her look at me while I was dancing. It was a good feeling because I felt she wanted to make sure that I was still around.

I told the Chicago fellows that I was looking for a roommate. They all got hyped-up over the idea. They want to move in.

The gal who is the cop (Denise) tired to warn me about the chit chat with these Chicago guys.
Denise said, “Don’t make a hasty decision.”
Chuck suddenly tried to get Karen to put a ‘next round’ of drinks on my tab! Karen knew better. Touché!  What a jerk that Chuck from Chicago guy is!

I made sketchy, tentative arrangements to go to Santa Cruz tomorrow with these Illinois guys. I was ‘white russianed’ out. What else can I say?

Denise had a friend named Caroline. She was a kind of a fat New-Waver type. I actually recognized her from when I was at Baxter’s last Thursday night. She was talking to me, too.
Caroline said, “You remind me of Alfie Rivas.”
“Who is Alfie Rivas?”
“He lives in L.A. and he’s an ex-teen idol. He’s a bit thinner than you but you two are almost identical.”
“Oh brother,” I said with a smile.

Denise and Caroline tried to invite me to an After-Hours Party at Denise’s house.
Caroline said, “It has to be at Denise’s house because she has a Jacuzzi.”
The Chicago guys were invited, too. That was my move (Ha-ha). I was just having fun and wanted to see the girls’ reaction to my inviting them along.

I ended up not going to the After-Hours Party. I was bothered a bit by Amy. Amy is the other N.M.T. that I met the previous night. She was there on this very night as well and I avoided her. I was wasted a bit—but not too wasted to see Karen (and talk to her).

At 1:30AM when the powers that be turned up the lights I went to Karen.
“I just want you to know that I’m going to write to you in Korea. Then we’ll get together when you return in two months, ok?”
“Okay,” Karen said as she hugged me and we kissed (a simple, mutual nice peck of a kiss). I want her A LOT. It’s funny how on Thursday I was bummed out from the breaking-up with Rachelle. And now, I have Karen to dwell on.
Karen continued, “Are you in a hurry to leave?”
“I think so,” I said stupidly. I should have gotten the hint and stayed for her but I wanted to leave in order to ditch Amy, the Chicago fellows and Denise and Caroline.

I drove straight home. Before falling asleep I wrote Karen a quick postcard, JO’d to dreamland.


"The one charm of the past is that it is the past. But woman never know when the curtain has fallen. They always want a sixth act, and as soon as the interest of the play is entirely over they propose to continue it."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

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The Ice Capades

If he is on the down grade, he falls into impenetrable melancholy; if he is in the ascendant, he maintains his advantage of sheer talk.
-Franz Kafka
"Eleven Sons"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 15, 1985
Thursday

I was very tired while at work today. Somehow I managed.

At lunchtime I accompanied Dale, Ryan and Al to Mary Jane’s, a card/gift shop that sells some pretty wild and crazy things. Ryan bought a make-believe rubber wraparound cock to wear for Halloween. It looked disgustingly funny. I am going to be a baby for Halloween. Dale plans to be a nurse. I can’t believe Ryan’s going to wear that ‘thing’. It will be fun.

Mary McTiernan was all worried about tomorrow just because she’s in-charge of handling all of the refreshments and serving for our Ice-Cream Day at the office.

After work I took a nap when Lorraine Garcia telephoned. I went ahead and told her that Rachelle and I had broken-up. It was not that it mattered to tell her. I certainly was not interested in her. By 7:10PM I was heading out for the gym.

While at the gym I saw Kelly there. She’s really N.M.T. (Not My Type) after all. She reminds me of Paloma a little bit. I think it’s the physique of her body. Paloma is taller than Karen though.

After the gym I readied myself or a Thursday night out to BAXTER’s in Concord, hoping to see Karen, the waitress. I did see her. I also met a few significant others. I met Melissa who was sniffing pies from heaven (that means her nose was up-in-the-air, thinking she was God’s Gift to Adonis). I met a gal named Brenda Bryan who was a college gal, majoring in Russian. She was a bit of a Natalie Wood lookalike which intrigued me. Finally, she was a bitch for ditching me while I was talking to her. I also met Amy (an N.M.T. who works as a waitress at the Hungry Tiger Restaurant). I met a guy named Rocky, his brother, and another pal. And last but BEST of all I met Karen Melton. It was a fun night. I had a good time.
PHOTO: Natalie Wood

Karen Melton was the best meeting of the night. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend (like three months ago). She seemed to be available now; however, she is living in Korea right now. The reason for the Korea residency is that she’s in The Ice Capades. She graciously gave me her New York address.
“I will write you a letter tonight,” I said with a flashy smile of temptation.
“Oh, I’m so glad that you’ll be writing,” she said happily.
We shall see. I can’t believe it because I remember how much I was so ‘INTO’ her.

"Beauty is all right, but there just ain't no substitute for intelligence."
-Stories of the Great Operas
as read in "The Divided Path" by Nial Kent

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The Crust of Habit

Reality is not going to be enough for her now. We got lost in our own subconscious. We lost sight of what was real.
-INCEPTION, 2010 motion-picture

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 14, 1985
Wednesday

Yesterday I received a three-thousand dollar cash advance and deposited it into my checking account due to liquidated securities. Now I can write checks galore and hopefully pay things off for good.

Rachelle and I had a brief talk last night. I think we mutually feel we should break-up. We are. She is just too young.
Rachelle said, “I wish I’d met you ten years from now.”
Let me do the math. That would be the year 1995. I cannot wait that long. I must go on living despite my hang-ups about her. And so, I shall. I will try not to dwell on the loss of her. We’ll remain friends. I just wonder if I will ever get my turquoise tank-top or my navy blue sweatshirt or my jewelry box or my Corey Hart album (all things she suspiciously took away from me). Suspicious Love…

Work was not as hectic as the day before. I had a great omelet for breakfast.

I am feeling guilt-ridden because I have not been biking lately. I need that release. That rash between my legs is finally clearing-up. It still itches a bit though.

Dale and I went to see the new movie “Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure” last night. It was funny. I liked it a lot. Dale got an unexpected kick out of it, too.  "I know you are...but what am I?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOGWbzUM-y8

I went home after seeing the flick at the Grand Lake Theater in Oakland. I received a surprise visit from Suzy Miller. She ended up staying at my pad until 10PM. We almost fell asleep together on my living room couch. When she left I revived a boost of energy within me and did my ‘Muscle Motion’ aerobic workout tape.

After the workout I watched Joan Rivers on The Tonight Show. Her guests included Pee Wee Herman, Betty White and Roddy McDowell.

Rachelle telephoned.
“So tell me, Michael. What do you think about us?”
Gulp.
“Well,” I said, “I understand your feelings and how we may have met at a wrong place in time.”
It’s true. We are breaking-up. Breaking up is hard to do. I explained to Rachelle that my trip to Paris was too good a deal (five-hundred and eighty-eight dollars round-trip) to pass up at this time of year.
I added, “You know, I bought you a ring.”
She sighed and I could tell she felt good about ‘the ring’. Well, she won’t be getting the ring now.
“What are you going to do with the ring?” Rachelle asked.
“Oh I don’t know. I may just give it to my mom.”
I probably will give the ring to my mom. It’s hard to fathom but I guess Rachelle and I are really breaking it off. I kind of hate the idea of facing her in person. I can’t stop falling out-of-love with just a snap of the fingers. She’ll become a fond memory. Perhaps she will only be a casual acquaintance a year from now.

Marty, my ex-roommate, called me last night.
“Hi Mike, I just want you to know that I mailed the garage door opener yesterday.”
“Okay, thanks. When I get it I’ll mail you back your three-hundred and forty dollar deposit.”

Mike Thoennes telephoned the other day.
“Do you want to go skating, Michael?”
I was in no mood for the gay skating rink vibes. I declined, staying home to exercise instead.

It’s getting closer. In another two weeks I will be off to Paris.

Both Suzy and Dale made me worry over the risk of all of the airplane crashes that have been occurring. Thanks a lot!

It's funny, I thought, how the routine of life goes on, whatever happens, we do the same things, go through the little performances of eating, sleeping, washing. No crisis can break through the crust of habit.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

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The Journey

I had been running along in darkness for some time, filled with a premonition of great things__a premonition that may well have been delusive, for I always had it. I had run in darkness for a long time, up and down, blind and deaf to everything, led on by nothing but a vague desire.
-Franz Kafka
"Investigations of a Dog"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 13, 1985
Tuesday

Dale was not at work today.

At lunchtime I took a walk to Wilkes-Bashford. Bob Umland was not working (though I learned he does still work there). I ate at a place called THE HAVEN, then headed back to work.

Work was busy and hectic today. I had a brief talk with my boss, Stephanie Bautista.
“Stephanie, do you think I can get September 16th as a day off?”
“I’ll work on it,” Steph said affirmatively.
I could tell that she will arrange it (I think).

Beth, the lady who works at Personal Travel called me.
“I received your tickets, Mr. Armijo. I will send your flight tickets via Federal Express at once.”
“Oh great, Thank you,” I said to Beth happily.
The journey has begun.

Dale did not quit his driving position for that Escort Service yet. He was telling me about some Bachelor Party that he attended with Angel.
“By the way, I’ve spoken to Angel about you and I want you to meet her,” Dale announced.
Gulp.
I thought silently, “She’s NMT”. (Not My Type)

Dale gave Ryan explicit details about the Bachelor Party he attended. He didn’t really tell me a lot. I saw Ryan’s expression of delight when Dale was sharing the scoop. I think Dale knows how degrading I think of this whole escort agency. That’s why he didn’t give me the details.

I went to the gym after work. I did my ‘Muscle Motion’ aerobic workout, too. I feel good.

"As we were sitting together, suddenly there came into her eyes a look that I had never seen there before. My lips moved towards hers. We kissed each other. I can't describe to you what I felt at that moment. It seemed to me that all my life had been narrowed to one perfect point of rose-coloured joy."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

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Muscle Motion

"Writing is a form of prayer," Kafka wrote in his diary.
-Franz Kafka
"The Complete Stories"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 12, 1985
Monday

There was no jury duty call. It appears they will call me within ten business days if I am actually needed. Oh well…still no word from Beth about my definitive travel arrangements and tickets to France for September 2nd through September 16th.

Dale gave me a lift to Grand Auto. I retrieved my car. It did need a new battery after all. It was replaced. Dale and I ended up ordering a pepperoni and pineapple pizza. We watched “The Terminator” as we munched on the treat.

Dale left and I worked out to my ‘Muscle Motion’ workout video.

Steph Redding telephoned while I was in the middle of the workout. I cut her off short, so we didn’t talk very long.

I received a call from my longtime school pal, Bonni Jayne, who was calling from New York.
Bonni said, “I’m not real happy about the thirty-one year old guy that I’m with right now.”
“Why aren’t you happy with him?”
“Well, he just wants to change me in some way or another.”
“Oh well, you have to do what’s right for you. I’m going to Paris next month and I will be stopping at JFK airport in New York, maybe I can see you?”
“Would be nice but I’m about eight hours from New York City. I don’t even know where JFK is,” Bonni replied.
And so, it’s doubtful that I’ll be seeing Bonni during the brief layover in New York.

I finished my aerobics and went to bed after I stopped at Dad’s house to get the ring that I had purchased for Rachelle. I am debating on whether or not I should give Rachelle the ring. Yes, I will. I miss her. I wrote her a card, expressing some of my feelings tonight.

I bought some jumping cables to store in my car trunk. I also bought some Armor All while at Grand Auto so I can polish my tires and convertible top.

Dale and I may go to see Pee Wee Herman tomorrow night. That would be a hoot.


"You reproach me in your heart because things have not turned out as you hoped. Why do that? Don't let us embitter our last moments together. And do try to see that, though you've made a discovery, and consequently the injustice you suffer under is not any greater than other injustices."
-Franz Kafka
"The Village Schoolmaster"

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An Empty House

When teaching one must be willing to "play GOD" for a bit--in other words, to be an authority.
-Julia Child
"My Life In France"

Twenty-five years ago today:

August 11, 1985
Sunday

I woke up and did some “Muscle Motion”. I was expecting Rachelle at 11AM but I decided to make a quick stop at Magic Video to return those rented videocassette tapes. I stopped at Mervyn’s to grab Nicole Hibbard a gift, too. I got her the stuffed dog that looked like Geneva’s dog, Mandy.

Then a crappy thing happened. I blew a fuse and my convertible top and the windows would not move. To cap it off car wouldn’t start. I thought it was the battery but it was the alternator, regulator or “starter”…whichever they want to call it. They’re all the same—I think.  Mom’s phone was off the hook when I tried to call her at the house.

Luckily, Rachelle was at my house and she had jumping cables in her car. She came over and found me; however, the jumping cables didn’t work to start my cars’ engine.   I ended up calling a Tow Car Service to take my car to Grand Auto and they will fix the problem there.  Oh well…such is the life of owning a car.

Rachelle came over to Grand Auto with me and she dropped me off at home.

A bit later I got ready and mom picked me up for the party.  We picked up Ashley (who liked the Barbie doll that I presented her).  Nicole’s birthday party was “okay” for a baby’s Birthday party.   The food was great.   We left by 4PM.  It was fun watching Ashley try to hit the piñata and to hear her saw “Bawoon” instead of “Balloon”.   It was worth it to just see Ashley smile and take toys away from a nine-month old boy.   Ashley is the boss.

I came home and mom stayed over for a bit. We looked at my VCR and I think my mom was envious. She wanted one, too.   I didn’t bother to tell her that I have it only because of my credit card.

Rachelle and I had a talk.
Rachelle said, “I may or may not go to L.A. on Tuesday night.”
“Well, let me know if you end up going.”
“I will. There’s a muscular dude at my work…but don’t worry…he’s not that cute.”
I laughed.
“Why did you bring him up?”
“Well, someone wrote on my bag and I asked if it was him.”
“So what did he say?”
“He said that if I wrote on your bag I would have written my telephone number and then he winked at me.”
Once again I laughed, but I knew she liked that ‘line’ because that was the second time she mentioned it. She followed up her story with an interesting line to me.
“Wouldn’t it be clever if I wrote my telephone number on his hand?”
I was upset but I kept it silent in my mind. How could she tell me all of this!

I was wondering about her possible trip to L.A. It all depended on whether this muscular dude asked her out. She’s obviously learning of ways to LOSE ME fast. I made a videocassette copy of her Rick Springfield music concert tape, taping over one of my blank tapes. I figured she can have it. I’m nice.
Mike Thoennes telephoned.
“Hi Mike, I’m in Berkeley.”
I could tell he was hinting about coming over but I wasn’t in the mood for visitors. I didn’t push an invitation.

I was trying to nap when Greg Manachevitz telephoned.
“Hey, Miller and I are coming over if that’s okay.”
“Well, why?”
“Maybe we can watch ‘The Terminator’?”
“Oh, okay then, how about at seven-thirty?”
I showered and bathed but it wasn’t until around eight-forty that I received a call from Mike Miller.
Mike Miller said, “I just wanted to let you know that Greg left.”
“What? Greg said that you two were coming over! He even said he was bringing me a WHOPPER from Burger King.”
Mike started to talk in circles and began hinting about inviting him and Chris (another one of his friends) over to my place.
Mike said, “We rented a movie, so maybe we can watch it there.”
I thought silently, “Sheesh, is my pad their new movie theater…or what?”
I finally said, “Listen Mike, it’s already late and I am going to bed at nine-thirty. Why don’t I just call you tomorrow?”
I hung up the phone. Now I began to worry that Greg might show up…or who knows what?

I wonder how Rachelle feels about knowing that I will be going on that trip to Paris. She’s only seventeen. If she closes the door on me it’s my loss as well as her loss. If she screws around while she is now devoted to me she can just forget it! It’s not like I have plans to go to Paris and make love to Paloma. I’m going on vacation.

Rachelle had said previously, “I’m hesitant about going to L.A. because of some party this Friday night that I’m dying to go to.”
I knew that she had attended another party sometime last week. I believe it was last Friday. The music group “Y & T” were at the party. They’re supposedly some hard rock group. I am finding Rachelle to be too wild and unsettled at times. I can’t be wasting my time anymore.

I found my journal here in my closet and I was sure I left it in my car. I know she read it recently. I wonder if she was wondering if I’d been seeing someone else. She loves to recapture my journal to get the latest inside story. It just goes to show me how immature she is at this point. I discussed a bit of this with Howard Edelstein.
Howard said, “She can’t respect your privacy.”

I renewed my classified ad for a UC Berkeley posting on the ‘room for rent’ housing billboard/placement. There is no word yet. I do need a roommate by September 1st. I need the financial aid.

"An empty house can be as lonely as a full hotel."
-Daphne du Maurier
REBECCA

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