Leave Me Alone

It is easier to move mountains than to change the hearts of men.
-Bette Bao Lord
"Spring Moon"

Twenty-five years ago today

November 30, 1985
Saturday

We woke up late. It was already noon! I don’t really like sleeping-in that late anymore. I could get reprogrammed if I don’t watch it. I have trouble getting up at the crack of dawn as it is on Monday through Friday.

By 1:30PM or so—after showering—Chad and I went to Stone Ridge Shopping Mall in Pleasanton to look around. Chad and I ran into Randy who works out at our gym. He’s a nice guy. We exchanged a few words with him and then we departed.

We tried on some neat olive green 501 LEVI jeans at The Gap. One saleslady named Michelle was exceptionally nice to us. There were a couple of other sales clerks (of the male gender) who were eyeing us as well. The visit to the mall was fun. I think it was mainly because of the company.

Chad read most of my journal (up to the green ink) on November 27, 1985. I allowed him to read it during our drive to the Stone Ridge Mall. It kept him interested to say the least. I believe he liked what I had written about him. It’s mostly good except for his snide remarks that I may have mentioned. I do hate when he tells me to leave him alone.
He literally says, “Leave me alone!”
It kind of hurts my feelings. I do notice that he now says ‘please’ when he has to be rude with statements like that. ‘Leave me alone, please’ is still rather hurtful.

Chad and I returned to his place and we played more FROGGER. It was getting a little boring for me. Chad could tell I wasn’t into the computer game.

Larry came over and brought a pizza. We fiddled with observing a new ‘BUCK ROGERS in the 25th Century’ videotape but I didn’t like that much either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnhEtkSxBr4

Larry politely asked Chad, “Are you staying-in?”
It was more like he was politely chasing us out.

Chad and I left to go work out at the gym. We had planned to go in the steam room but we didn’t’. We didn’t stay very long since we arrived at 9:15PM and they were closing at 10PM (early tonight).

We went to the Alpha-Beta grocery store. Chad laughed and made the “UH” sound when I said “Hi” to the sales clerk. Chad claimed that the sales clerk was actually saying “Hi” to the lady ahead of us (whatever). After purchasing our snacks of Honey Vanilla ice-cream and Chocolate Chocolate-Chip we sat comfortably in my car. I almost tripped on a banana peel while walking to my car.

We soon found ourselves at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS where we rented the movies, “Country” and “Vision Quest”. We watched “Vision Quest” at my house and then went to bed.
Chad kept saying, “We better go to sleep.”
I tend to just ignore his moodiness now. It’s only because he eventually does ‘come’. And then he ends up doing something really nice to make up for his abrupt words.

He was too ashamed really to cry, he merely cried in words onto the patient sheets of paper.
-Thomas Mann, "Six Early Stories"
FALLED, 1894

Read More

Jagged Edge

“Do you believe in love stories?”
-as heard in the 2000 French film,
“Just a Question of Love” (aka Juste une question d’amour)

Twenty-five years ago today

November 29, 1985
Friday

I woke up and cleaned house a bit. I did do aerobics for forty-five minutes.

When I telephoned Chad we firmed up our plans. I was to arrive at his place at around 2PM. I chose to go to mom’s house beforehand for a ‘leftovers’ turkey special lunch.

When I arrived at Chad’s pad I was introduced to FROGGER. It’s a computer game that I was not too thrilled about (at first). Once I learned I became a tad addicted. It’s fun. By the time Chad was ready we left and made the 3:45PM screening of the new movie, JAGGED EDGE (starring Glen Close). It was a good suspenseful thrill ride. We both liked it.

After the movie we looked around at SOUTHLAND and browsed at Emporium but we didn’t buy anything. We did share some macaroni salad and lasagna at a Deli inside the SOUTHLAND Food and Restaurant area. Of course, what would a meal be without a bit of Mrs. Fields’ cookies for dessert?

We returned to Chad’s place for more FROGGER.

Larry and his young pal, Randy, were at the house, watching The Twilight Zone. I watched a little of it, then Chad and I went to bed. We slept pretty well.

Thank God that’s over. Visits tire me to the bone.
-Joanne Harris
“CHOCOLAT”

Read More

Thanks for Giving

It was a privileged life, but it was still life in a gilded cage.
-Tilar Mazzeo
“The Widow Clicquot”

Twenty-five years ago today

November 28, 1985
Thursday, Thanksgiving Day

Chad and I got dressed to ready ourselves for each of our own family Thanksgiving’s. I drove Chad home to Castro Valley and was at my mom’s house by 12:30PM. I was the last one to arrive. We all ate together: Tony, Helen, Lauren, John, Sherri, Ashley, Ma, Pa and ‘me’. It was nice.

I took a nap after the meal. I watched some of the usual videos (North by Northwest, Tim and Thief of Hearts).

My brother, John, had to work at Gallagher’s tonight, so he left around 4PM.

Helen and Tony were going to visit Helen’s mom and dad and left at 6PM.

I stayed at mom and dad’s house until 9PM or so, then went home to do some aerobics (for a good thirty minutes). That’s all I could handle after the yummy stuffing.

I watched DYNASTY II.

I was feeling lonely and decided to call Chad but he wasn’t home yet. I left a message with Larry.

When Chad called back (at 12:30AM) I was asleep. He’d been playing MONOPOLY at his parent’s house. We made arrangements to get together tomorrow. It was bed-time for me. Yawn.

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
“Being Peace”

Read More

Whispers of Wonder

No one is born a great cook, one learns by doing.
--Julia Child
“My Life in France”

Twenty-five years ago today

November 27, 1985
Wednesday

I had a dream last night that Rachelle Davies came back into my life. We were in bed together. I shuddered at the thought that I could get involved again with this “girl”. It’s true that our sex was always good but our relationship could NOT be built on that alone. Henceforth, I awoke from the dream and it made me wonder how often Rachelle may think of me. I plan to send her a photo Christmas card.

Today, Chad is coming in to The City. It’s good and yet on another pretext it’s rather scary. I mean, he’s going on my Company Christmas Cruise with me. I know there will be ‘whispers of wonder’ about us. It shouldn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter. I guess I just don’t want to see other fellow coworkers ‘oooing and ahhhing’ or asking me questions. Give me a break!

I guess I will start my day now and look forward to 5PM when I will see Chad (my greatest joy this Holiday season).

The Thanksgiving Holiday weekend is over but I shall back track and reminisce now…

Well, on Wednesday my section had another Pac Tel Referral luncheon. It was nice. Judy, the new gal in-training, was there as was Dean.

By 5PM (finally) I walked over to Montgomery and Post Streets, seeing no sign of Chad. As I stood around he showed up, looking as nice as he usually does. We walked over to and through the Sheraton Palace Hotel to a classy phone booth. We looked for an Italian Restaurant and I recommended “A Little Italy” on 24th Street, so that’s where we went. I took a chance and parked in a No Parking zone. I got lucky.

Chad said, “You look a bit older tonight.”
I laughed, “It’s probably because I’m wearing a white shirt and tie.”
He’s so fun.

We went to Sutter’s Mill after dinner. It was a place I’d heard about. It’s a place where gay businessmen gentlemen go after work for Happy Hour to unwind. Chad and I walked to the bar and went in and out relatively quickly. I overheard an older gentleman at the bar ogling over the two of us to a friend.
“Don’t they make such a nice looking couple? It’s always the light with the dark.”
I believe he was referring to Chad as the ‘light’ one and me as the ‘dark’ one. 

We continued the evening by going over to PIER 39. We walked along, looking through many shops here and there. It was fun. I (accidentally) walked out of one store after purchasing tiny bicycle plates with the names CHAD, LAUREN and ASHLEY. Tis the season.

Chad and I spent a good forty-five minutes in a sweatshirt shop. We finally chose solid black sweatshirts with the word CALIFORNIA imprinted on the sleeve. We had them personalized with our first names on the front (MICHAEL, CHAD). We walked around more shops and got some lemonade. Suddenly, it started to rain! We saw an old lady, wearing flood pants. Chad made me laugh.
When Chad felt the rain and the lady in the flood pants he commented, “How did she know?”
It was so funny. We really laughed non-stop about that.

By now we were ready to go back to Alameda. We went to my place. I loved those hugs when we got to my house.

Chad made Marshmallow Krispies in my kitchen while I wrote some postcards for my family for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I wrote Chad a couple of cards, too. He was cooking, so he had no clue. We looked at each other and dwelled over one another. We took deep breaths periodically.

One of my favorite parts of this evening was at PIER 39 when Chad said, “I have something to tell you and you may or may not like it but I am going to tell you anyway.”
“What?”
“I’m at a point now where I feel I am falling in love with you.”
I felt a big smile in my heart.

There need not always be real reasons for such disruptions; in the present unstable state of affairs often a mere nothing, a mood, will turn the scale, and in the same way a mere nothing, a word, can put things right again.
-Franz Kafka
“The Married Couple”

Read More

Hit My Heart

Was he an animal, that music had such an effect upon him? He felt as if the way were opening before him to the unknown nourishment he craved.
-Franz Kafka
“The Metamorphosis”

Twenty-five years ago today

November 26, 1985
Tuesday

I cut my ear while shaving today.

I have to do three things today:
1. Make reservations for dinner on Wednesday night.
2. Telephone Dennis Reno about the International Car Show tickets
3. Call Worthington’s to see if my ‘Brothers’ portrait proofs are ready

I did not really make any reservations today. It was very busy at work. I had a mediocre sales day. It doesn’t really matter.

I did call Dennis about the International Car Show but I learned that he is out vacationing (or something) until December 2, 1985. I guess I can wait (if Chad can).

Worthington’s pictures were ready, so I ordered a 16 x 20 portrait for mom. What the hell…it’s going to cost me but that’s mom and dad’s main gift, so heck…it’s worth it. The proofs were okay and it was hard to narrow it down to one where we all looked half-way decent. I did finally pick one. And since I was in the area of the portrait studio I went to the gym for one-set of weights and a thirty-six minute ride on the Life Cycle.

I dropped at mom and dad’s house for a quick sandwich.

When I reached my pad I began clipping ads and pictures of things in magazines to wrap Chad’s ‘Rocking Horse’ Christmas ornament. I think he’ll like that. It’s just a tiny, thoughtful gesture. In fact, Chad called while I was wrapping it.
“Mike, I thought of you several times today.”
He is going to meet me—after all—after work tomorrow. We are going to have dinner somewhere. It ought to be a fun evening. I’m excited about getting out of work now.



Once the smallest detail was understood, then everything was understood.
-Franz Kafka
“The Top”

Chad told me something that really hit my heart.
“I’ve got to let you know that I’m really growing to love you.”
It was important for him to let me know his feelings just in case something happened. He’s such a neat person. I’ve found quality in Chad Glen and he’s one qualitative friend that I want as part of my life forever.

I know the other night after our petty arguments I had thought, “I don’t need him.”
However, when it comes to an essential friendship way—alone—I do need him. I love him.

Read More

The Two Knights

My afternoon had spoilt me for the hours that remained, and I thought how long they would seem until my bed-time, how empty too my supper all alone.
-Daphne du Maurier
“Rebecca”

SECRETS by O.M.D
The Lyrics

I got a secret and I can’t explain
All the time, I’ve waited for this day
All along I was never in doubt
I always knew it would never get out
There are things that I cannot tell
And there are things that you know damn well
This is getting very hard for me
I guess you’d better just wait and see

This is all, this is all
You heard a message and the message was clear
All the time you wipe away that tear
And all I want is to hold your hand
To see the sun and walk the sand
You make me sad and you make me glad
And now you see all my secret is this love
Is love, Is love
My secret is this love

Everyday you’re always there
You comfort me
And make me feel it’s worth my while
And then I look around and you’re not there
And everyday you say you care and I’ll beware

This is all, this is all

I’ve got a secret and I can’t explain
All I want is to hold your hand
All along I was never in doubt
To see the sun and to walk the sand

Twenty-five years ago today

November 25, 1985
Monday

Okay…it’s a short week, so I’ll make it. Normally I’d be counting the days until my next couple of days off. This time it all happened so fast. I guess my personal life (named Chad) is filling my time well.

If anyone got their hands on my journal I’d hope it would be understood about what a friend I have in Chad. He’s my Knight-in-Shining-Armor as I am his Knight.

 
Work was really busy today.

Margaret Lai was not at the office.

After my stressful work day I was going to do aerobics but my mom persuaded me to go over to her house for dinner. Then I had a nice chat with both mom and dad. I hadn’t seen them in a good while.

I went to the gym and Buddy was there. I did one set of weight training and twenty-four minutes on the Life Cycle.

I returned home to fold clothes and had plans to go straight to bed.

I did leave an answering machine message for Chad.
I asked, “Hey Chad, would you call me when you get this message?”

He did call back just as that ‘Tarzan Boy’ song began to start-up on the radio.

Chad also reminds me of another song called “SECRETS” by O.M.D.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxFsp5F1axA

Chad asked me, “What do you think about the International Car Show?”
“I don’t know. I think we should go though.”
And so, we may go to that Show in The City soon. We also talked about meeting up in The City on Wednesday night. He wants me to show him around The City.

We were both apologetic about our ‘teeny-weeny’ gripes over this past weekend. We were now able to laugh about it. We were realizing how much we missed one another. We both really want our relationship to grow strong and work out even better. He will be my roommate eventually. I know he will.

Chad finally said, “I’ll probably stay with you during that week of December when I’m off from school.”
“That sounds fun.”
It was now bed-time.

“I am NOT a Russian spy.”
--Angelina Jolie
In the 2010 film, SALT

Read More

Solid As A Rock

“If you can’t master your thoughts then you’re in trouble forever.”
-as heard in the 2010 film, EAT PRAY LOVE

Twenty-five years ago today

November 24, 1985
Sunday

Chad and I woke up on This Sunday morning and we were on each others’ nerves (I guess). Chad was feeling overly sensitive when I said, “No” with regard to his scooting over next to me on the bed; whereby, he took it upon his own initiative to go downstairs and sleep on the couch.

Alas, we seemed to iron things out and we went to the Royal Oak Pub for breakfast. There was a great view. It was a nice setting.

We went to South Shore Shopping Center where I bumped into Nici Maurino, a fellow telephone company employee. She looked okay (kind of plain). I introduced Chad to Nici and it was a quick, small chat. Chad and I continued our exploration on this Sunday and ended up buying ‘movie snacks’.

It was suddenly a rainy day. We rented two movies: TIM starring Mel Gibson (and based on Colleen McCullough’s book) and DIVA (a French film). We watched both films at my place. We ‘played’ as well.

By 9PM we were into some TV movie called DOUBLETAKE. We realized it was almost 10PM and I drove Chad home to the Hayward Hills. We plan on getting-together again on Wednesday night (or maybe next weekend). We’re lovers now and ‘solid as a rock’ (I guess one could say). He knows me better now and vice-versa. Time shall tell.

I could feel the cold comfort of my sheets in my own bed.
-Daphne du Maurier
“REBECCA”

Read More

Unexpected Company

Their relationship was built on friendship, and in matters of friendship he was boundlessly loyal. It was a relationship that would survive the harshest tests.
-Stieg Larsson
“The Girl Who Played With Fire”

Twenty-five years ago today

November 23, 1985
Saturday

My garage door screwed up on me last night. Oh well. I told ‘ma’ to tell ‘da’ this morning. Chad and I had a full Saturday to spend together.

We had some unexpected company. My sis-in-law, Sherri, came over for a little while. Then Chad and I went to La Petit Boulangerie. Sherri accompanied us to The City (San Francisco) and we ended up shopping around. Sherri bought my brother, John, some POLO clothes. Chad and I admired one another secretly. We returned to my pad and hung out. Sherri had gone home.

Chad and I were going to go to FAT FANNY’s. Instead, we went to The Acapulco, a Mexican Restaurant, in Alameda. We returned to my place and watched Hitchcock’s NORTH BY NORTHWEST. Then we went to bed. He was ‘within’ me for the second night in a row. It was fine.

“Nobody can avoid falling in love,” he said, “They might want to deny it, but friendship is probably the most common form of love.”
-Stieg Larsson
“The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest”

Read More

The 'Vibes'

“As always, my work gave my life form, forced me to be productive, and helped me to keep a good balance. Without a challenging project…I could well have gone cuckoo.”
--Julia Child
“My Life in France”

Twenty-five years ago today

November 22, 1985
Friday

Tonight is Japanese food at NAKAMURA at Pier 39 in San Francisco with my office Section. It ought to be fun. I am going to indulge. That’s for sure!

I keep thinking of little things that Chad has told me:
“Among most of the people I see or know you rate a nine in terms of physique.”

Another line I remember him saying was:
“I like every part of you and I care very, very, very, very much about you.”

The ‘vibes’ are exactly ditto as far as I’m concerned. What a bud!

My Japanese dinner with my section over at Pier 39 last night was tremendous fun. We all had such a good time, eating at NAKAMURA. I had two scorpion cocktails. Those were strong drinks!

After dinner I went home and the first thing I did was call Chad Mark Glen.
He answered on the first ring.

We made arrangements for me to pick him up on this very night. I did just that as we went to the gym for a work out. Then we went to my place.
And then we…Yes!

“I believe that a healthy person is a person who doesn’t have to hide anything.”
--The Operator:
David Geffen Builds Buys, and Sells the New Hollywood
(page 396 hardcover)
by Tom King

Read More

I'm Busy

When a love-relationship is at its height there is no room left for any interest in the environment; a pair of lovers are sufficient to themselves to make them happy.
-Sigmund Freud
"Civilization and its Discontents"

Twenty-five years ago today

November 21, 1985
Thursday

I worked hard today (as usual). I telephoned mom and I learned that she has all of next week scheduled off as vacation time. I also learned that I haven’t paid my Dad the rent for November.

Margaret Lai and I shared lunch together over at the Pizza Boat place. It was nice. She’s such a sweet lady. I showed her my photographs. She liked the same one that Chad and Larry liked, so I guess that’s the one.

Chad made me feel good last night when he said, “I’m going to take my pictures to show my classmates at school.”
I guess he really liked the pictures. My favorites are the ones of him.

I came home and wrote out the twenty dollar check for my parking ticket. I delayed writing it for long enough.

Then, I went to the gym. The cute brunette gal who teaches evening aerobics said, “Hi” to me with the brightest of smiles. I’ve noticed her looking over at me now and again. Hmmm…I wonder?
I worked out fairly well but I feel bad because I have not been doing my aerobics video as much as I want to be doing it. I am just plain not making the time for it.

When I returned home Cedric Green called me. I gave him a few choice words.
I said, “Well, I’m busy on Saturday and Sunday!”
How does one tell a reasonably nice guy that you can’t make time to spend with him? Cedric wants to go out for a simple drink but I’m just not INTO the idea.

Danny Garcia called me also. He’s going to FAT FANNY’s in Danville on Saturday night with his cousin, Tanya.
“I was hoping you’d come with us.”
“Well, I kind of have plans already,” I replied (not mentioning that Chad and I are all INTO spending an outing together).
I’m really not sure what Chad and I will be doing yet.
I finally said, “Okay, Danny…maybe I will go.”

I telephoned Chad but I had to leave an answering machine message via his recorder. He wasn’t home. Oh well…I’ll see him tomorrow night (I guess).

For the first time, I realized almost consciously that I felt something different for him. I had had similar feelings for boys when I was younger but I didn't know what they were. I thought they were just feelings of intense friendship. For the first time, I realized I felt attracted to another boy.
-Marcelo F. Pinto
Dallas, Texas
"Telling Tales Out of School" edited by Kevin Jennings

Read More

A Whole New Ball Game

Ultimately, we are only as old as we feel in our hearts and minds.
...passion is our inspiration, and our true longing must always remain a desire for love.
-Thomas Mann
"Death In Venice"

Twenty-five years ago today

November 20, 1985
Wednesday

Work hasn’t exactly been a blessing lately. It’s very busy. There is overtime and I don’t care to work it.

Debra Neal of LAURA TODD Cookies wants me to meet the President and Chairman of American Data Financial, Patrick Brent, who is also affiliated with other companies:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P._T._Brent
I am kind of excited about meeting him. If I get an offer that I just can’t refuse I will certainly go for it.

Steph Redding is writing a new book. I suggested the title of “Tour de France”, a novel, introducing Michael Swift. She loved that concept. I can’t wait to read her first completed draft.

I went to SAFEWAY to pick-up the developed photographs taken of Chad and I. A lot of them came out pretty good. I’m excited about showing them to Chad tonight.

I was at the gym as planned but Chad was not there! When I got home he actually persuaded me to drive all the way into Hayward to his place.

We had fun looking at the pictures. We sort of watched DYNASTY and talked about our relationship.   It was made clear that we both care a lot about one another. Chad has officially decided that we’d make great roommates, not to mention “lovers”. Yes, lovers. I am falling in love as is he for me. It’s a whole new ball game with Chad. We had such a neat talk on this evening. When I left his house he gave me a card. It was a nice card with a great poem that I could easily title ‘Because you’re My Friend’. Chad’s closing handwritten words were ‘Wish you were by my side right now and always. Love, Chad.’


"He's pulling the load of an ox and walking on eggshells."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

Read More

Things Should Loosen Up

"Don't play games with me. I don't want a double-life."
-Just A Question of Love
2000 French Film

Twenty-five years ago today

November 19, 1985
Tuesday

Last night I was eating sardines (compliments of my Dad) with crackers and my last Diet Sprite as I was talking to Chad on the telephone. Chad and I definitely miss one another. We are going to likely meet up on Wednesday evening at the gym.  His schooling takes up much of his time. I’m glad that he’s going for his ambitious whims in the field of Broadcast Communications. If only he (or I) would have won the two million dollar lottery winnings last night. Both Chad and I agree that ‘money isn’t everything’ but it most certainly helps.

Today was proactive selling day. I, of course, sold nothing. I did have a few reactive calls from yesterday in which I did sell; whereby, it wasn’t all that bad.

During the morning Service Committee meeting Ryan announced that he was resigning from the Committee if Dale Orlando stays on. I had lunch with Ryan yesterday. Today I had lunch with Ryan and his friend, Steve, and it seems Dale is back to his old meddling and interfering ways in the life of ‘Ryan and Joe’. There was a 2 o’clock meeting scheduled in which Dale was expected to resign.
Dale asked his Section Supervisor (Stephanie Bautista) to appear with him. It really got hot and steamy between Ryan and Dale. I barely said a word. I knew where Ryan was coming from though. I was tired of hearing ‘petty shit’ that Dale has told other people about me. For someone to actually KNOW ME is to KNOW ME. Dale knows me like he’ll know his son when he grows up (not fully).

I went home and called Chad but he wasn’t at home. I started to do aerobics when Chad called me.
“My outing on the weekend of December 6th is at the CONCORD HILTON,” Chad announced excitedly.
“Okay, I’m pretty sure I can go. I can probably rent a room there just to see you and hang out.”
Once again, Chad seems very happy with me as I am with him. We reconfirmed the likelihood of seeing one another at the gym tomorrow night. That’s a plus.

I tried to do aerobics again when the phone rang again. This time it was Leonard Perillo.
“Hi Mike. I wanted to tell you to keep an eye out on the paper for news over the next couple of days.”
“Oh really, do I get a hint on what it’s about?”
“Well, I’m being interviewed a lot about the Foundation. I’ve been very busy with business and lawsuits, too but by next week things should loosen up.”
“You need to rest, Leonard.”
“Yes, I know.”

 
I received a job offer out-of-the-blue from Debra Neal yesterday about managing a LAURA TODD’s Cookie Bakery outlet on Powell Street, making a mere $19,000 annually. She wants me to come in to meet with a guy named Peter Brent tomorrow. I may do it—for the interview—as it wouldn’t hurt to make a connection.

I washed clothes and went to bed a bit early this evening.

I also filled out the Employee of the Month Awards. I have the honor of announcing and distributing them to the office tomorrow morning. 
Big Whoopee doo…

I have Chad’s photos here. They make me smile.


 
 "When you don't know, you should consider every possibility."
-Shall We Kiss?
2007 French Film

Read More

A Time for Us

"Does my music shut out the rest of the world for you?"
-Camille, 1936 'Great Garbo' film

Twenty-five years ago today

November 18, 1985
Monday

Chad Glen let me wear his SWATCH watch and I let him wear mine. We “switch SWATCH’d”. He’s also got my POLO yellow Rugby shirt but it is okay (it looks good on him). It looks good on me, too. He can fit into my clothes. It was fun changing clothes with him yesterday and taking all of those photos.

Today is another day and ‘most likely’ I will see Chad at the gym tonight. I’m looking forward to it.

Chad said, “Sure, I’ll go on your Company Bay Cruise with you on December 14th.”
He is now my ‘fake’ roommate according to Sue and Mike and anyone else concerned. We’re becoming good friends (and more). I played that ‘ONLY YOU’ song by YAZ for him last night. It’s the one that George Jones introduced to me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5hCxZ_vr70

Chad played ‘A Time for Us’ on his new piano phone. I didn’t think one could actually play piano on it. He is very romantically-inclined. He’s quite a “gent”.

Work was okay with regards to my SALES but I was tired. There’s overtime available until December 19, 1985. I don’t feel like working any of it though.

January 9th is coming closer. I am beginning to wonder if I’ll be able to transfer-out of this department very easily.

After my work day I soon found myself home, taking a nap until 6:40PM. Jim Koran called me from Los Angeles. He was in good spirits. It was nice to hear from him. I guess he’d received the card I sent him with the JAMES DEAN image.
Jim said, “Yeah, I’m looking into the modeling scene.”
“Did you cut your hair?”
“No, it’s still long but I did shave my face.”
We both laughed.
“So what else is new?”
Jim revealed, “I met someone special at my gym that I’ve been seeing lately.”
It sounded familiar.

I went to my gym and worked out, looking every which way for Chad. I didn’t see him. I left and stopped to see my Dad for a minute. When I did arrive home I decided to call Chad.
Chad said, “I just called you five minutes ago!”
“Oh, after the gym I stopped at my Dad’s house. You know…every time I look at your SWATCH watch I think of you!”
“I have the same thoughts.”
We both agreed on how we had a great weekend together. He is so complimentary to me and it makes me feel good. Sometimes he is also sarcastic. It hurts a little because I know he must have thought these ‘little things’ to have said them (I can’t tell for sure).

Chad mentioned the weekend of December 6th and the possibility of my meeting up with him for some Theatrical Performance that he is involved with at Chabot College. I’m all for attending. He’s going to accompany me on the ‘Christmas on the Bay’ with me…so why the hell not go to his Theater thing.
Chad added, “I put my piano phone together and in the middle of the night it started to play ‘A Time for Us’. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcyRO_ZFa9I

We talked about ‘ten years from now’ (1995) and “us” and the possibility of our being roommates one day. Sometimes I think we may be going full speed ahead—but then again—I sometimes don’t. Chad has tapered off on time with Maria (a girl he met) for more time with me. I like his company, too.
Current forecast: Best Friends.

"It has been said that the great events of the world take place in the BRAIN."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Read More

Sagittarius and Gemini

"Humility is part of the learning process."
-The Dollhouse
Episode 4, Gray Hour

Twenty-five years ago today

November 17, 1985
Sunday

Mom called me in the morning.
“I just wanted to tell you I’ll be at John’s house…if you try to call.”
“Oh, okay…thanks.”

Lorraine Garcia was supposed to come by this weekend but I didn’t hear from her at all. Then again I wasn’t home either.

Chad and I woke up and ate brunch at The Whale’s Tail. Karen Furtado, an old fellow high-school mate who was a year or two younger than I, was our waitress. We left after our meal and stopped by Mike Miller’s house. He wasn’t at home. We drove on and Suzy Miller coincidentally drove up beside me.
“Hey, where are you going?” I asked excitedly.
“I’m going to brunch at the Royal Pub.”
I nodded, realizing it wasn’t easy to continue the conversation.

Chad and I found our way to the South Shore Shopping Center where I bought two new journals. I bought one journal with an astrological SAGITTARIUS cover design (in honor of Chad’s sign) and one with the GEMINI design (for my sign).
Chad announced proudly, “The Sagittarius journal should be ALL about me.”
I laughed and said, “I think it will be.”
We continued to discuss the idea of the possibility of vacationing next year in Florida at his grandparent’s house. We laughed and cracked a few jokes about some of the people at our gym.
Chad said, “You know…I may be going to San Francisco State next year. It would be great if you could possibly room with me.”
“Sounds like an idea,” I replied, thinking that only time would tell. I was feeling comfortable around him and I’m glad we’re spending time together.

 
We went to my house and kept changing out clothes to take a lot of different photos of one another. We took about forty-eight photos in all for possible picture postcards for Christmas. It’s going to be fun to see them. We felt like fools taking them but it may have been worth it. After the photo shoot we went to La Val’s Pizza and two fifteen-year old girls (Amy and Cindy) were trying to swoop (or flirt) with us.
One of the girls asked me, “Do you dye your hair?”
The other girl asked, “Are his muscles bigger than yours?”
I hated that question because his muscles ARE bigger than mine. I intend to lift more weights and work out hard on myself now. Determination! Yes, I will have to be determined.

We left La Val’s and Chad did some homework. I filled out Job Transfer forms. It was peaceful. Then we watched a hostage flight-related film. Larry (Chad’s roommate) came over from the Oakland Airport to pick up Chad. We matched lips with a good-bye.

I telephoned mom before I went to bed. I hadn’t seen her for two weeks practically. I am sure she’s wondering what I’ve been up to (I guess). I gave her a briefing on my weekend (even though not all of the details were disclosed, of course). I try to hold a good cover.

I slept. I dreamt. It’s too bad Chad couldn’t spend the night again like he said he wanted to do. He helped to straighten-up my pad before he left. Sweet guy…but he took my pale yellow rugby shirt (?). It’s okay.


"I never make the same mistake twice."
-Baron de Varville (Henry Daniell)
to Marguarite Gautier (Greta Garbo)
in CAMILLE, 1936 film

Read More

Good, Clean Fun

More and more I have come to believe that what I must try to learn is to do only what I feel like doing on a given day.
-May Sarton
October 25, 1993
"At Eighty-Two: A Journal"

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 16, 1985
Saturday

Chad and I slept together fairly well. Chad showed me a number of photos of himself and his family. He also gave me a few of his photos. That was nice of him.

We got up, deciding to start our Saturday. Chad played the piano and sang me two songs as I ate a meal on a muffin that Larry had made for me. We sort of watched “The Voyagers”, a syndicated show starring the handsome actor who had committed suicide, Jon-Erik Hexum.

By 2 o’clock in the afternoon Chad finally got his energy up. Maybe it was after the shower ‘we’ took. We left for my house with intentions of going on the planned bicycling excursion.

We got on the bikes and I gave Chad a tour of Alameda from East to West. He enjoyed it. I enjoyed his company, too. I guided him up to Park Street, up Central Avenue and via Grand Avenue and Webster Street and on through Shoreline Drive, and back to Harbor Bay Isle. It was fun despite his complaints about a high seat and my wobbly wheel.

We returned to my house and watched “The Collector”. Then we had some ‘GCF’ (Good Clean Fun), showered and went to NATION’S Burgers to quench our hunger pains. A couple of “long-hairs” walked into the burger joint and asked us for a quarter. We just shrugged and ignored them.

I gave Chad his piano phone. He was quite surprised.

After Nations, we went to Gallagher’s where my brother, John, was bartending. John made me a White-Russian while he made Chad a Long Island Iced-Tea. John placed it on his tab. That was nice of him. We also went to Scott’s but Chad’s friend was busy working. We left and returned to my house and watched ‘Dreamscape’ and ‘A Little Sex’. Then we ‘hit the hay’. Yawn.


The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Read More

Now is NOW

The transformation of natural man is into love.
The second transformation is to wisdom.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 15, 1985
Friday

It was my lowliest sales day in a long time. I only had one ‘additional’ white page listing sale. I had service committee crap to deal with, so that’s my excuse. There’s no need to mention the fact that my mind is not totally on my work these days.

I was at my gym this evening, searching for Chad. He wasn’t there. No one was there…really (of any interest—that is). I arrived at 7:10PM and by 8:15PM I broke down and went over to the nearby phone booth and called Chad. He gave me some lame excuse (but understandable).
“Oh Mike, I’ve been so into school and I’m really not getting enough sleep.”
“Oh, I can understand that.”
“I did receive your cards. I really liked them.”
“Oh good,” I stated, deciding to acknowledge his tired words.
“Why don’t you come over?”

I obliged. I was over at his house and Chad was sleeping on top of Larry’s bed. I laid next to him as we half-watched an episode of MIAMI VICE as we slept (or at least shut our eyes). 

PHOTO: Miami Vice, 1985

Larry (Chad’s forty-year old pilot roommate) arrived at about 11PM. He made us hot-chocolate. We played a little gin and the Board game called ‘Masterpiece’. Larry’s friend, Randy, also played the Board game. Randy is only about twenty-years old. I won with four and a half million dollars. Larry came in second place. Chad was third and Randy was last. By the time the ‘Masterpiece’ game was over it was way passed nightfall. All signs seemed to point to my spending the night there.

I think Larry asked Chad privately, “Is Michael spending the night?”
I walked-in during that whispered question session and things became very hush-hush. Chad told me that Larry did in fact ask if I was spending the night.
I learned from Chad that he’d said to Larry, “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
And then, it appeared to me as though Larry was crying (or his eyes were red). It beats me. Did Chad—in fact—have something going on with Larry? I just went on, acting like I was a visiting piece of the scenery. I am now curious as to whether they had MORE THAN a mere friendship in the past. I figured it doesn’t really matter. Now is NOW.


"You're special.  Give yourself special treatment."
-as heard in the 1969 film
"Midnight Cowboy"

Read More

A Kind of Lonely Day

"I love making,  I love doing.  I love being to the full, I love everything which is not sitting and watching and copying and dead at heart."
— John Fowles
"The Collector", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 14, 1985
Thursday

I forgot my wallet today but that’s okay. I need to call the bitch at FACCO International for debiting $110.00 on my VISA Card. Why do these things happen to me?

I enjoyed a ‘health food sandwich’ at lunchtime and sat over on Market Street, thinking of ‘CMG’. The remarks made by him last night made me feel good.
Chad had said, “I’ll be at the gym tonight.”
However, there was no sign of him while I was there (from 7:10PM – 8:35PM). Finally, I went home. I made myself a lean cuisine dinner and went to bed.

I was wondering if Chad had received the other card I sent him. He didn’t call. Then again he is going to school. He has reading and shitty homework to deal with. I can understand all of that.

I had to chop onions as soon as I arrived home today. It made me cry.

My toilet is making a recurring water-running noise. I can’t take it anymore!

At least it was payday. The lady at the Credit Union telephoned and it looks like my $7000 loan is going to go through with flying colors. How exciting!

Today was a kind of lonely day. In a way I find these days to be good ‘self-actualization’ and ‘study oneself’ days. I’d say it was a fairly productive day.

My work out was pretty good. I’m glad it’s going to be Friday again. I invited Chad over to watch ‘The Collector’, the 1965 film based on John Fowles 1963 classic novel. I also invited him to go cycling on Saturday. I hope he hasn’t forgotten. He seemed anxious over the idea as if he had no other plans.

 
I’d have to say that Chad is my number one prime choice right now. He’s fun to be with and he makes me smile. I like his smile. I received his piano-shaped phone per my order on Monday from ‘The Price of His Toys’ in Beverly Hills already. I am debating as to whether I should give it to him on December 16th (his birthday) or just plain NOW. Yes, maybe I will gift it now and set-up a dinner for his Birthday. That would be fun.

Here I am going on and on. I may need to yank on the brakes here. Yes, I’m going to reduce my speed of 65 MPH to 30 MPH over our situation. It’ll be hard. He’s the type that can easily get me to 85 MPH +++.


"Candy within reach...and then I have to go on a diet."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

Read More

Trying To Swoop On You

"Alas, we cannot understand each other on any point. We are separated by an abyss."
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 13, 1985
Wednesday

Chad’s surprise will be the fact that I recently ordered him a telephone shaped like a piano. I am excited about going to the gym tonight.

I reiterated to Leonard about my aspirations to be an Advertising Sales Representative. It seemed like he wanted to say something. He never said it (?). He did give a reason by saying, “I want to expand your horizons.”
However, he didn’t tell me exactly what he was thinking.

Margaret Lai and I had lunch together today. She invited me to accompany her to Hong Kong next year. I am interested. Perhaps I will actually visit the Orient this time around. I don’t know.

I made it to the gym after my brief aerobics at home. I arrived between 7:15PM and 7:30PM. Chad wasn’t there. I left at 8:15PM but I learned later that Chad did make it to the gym at around 8:30PM. I missed him.
In Chad’s words, he said, “It was my loss.”
I liked that.

I made a pit stop at SAFEWAY and I was watching DYNASTY later that evening.

Lorraine Garcia phoned and she may actually come over to visit me on Sunday. She received the postcard that I’d sent her.

Then Chad telephoned and we spoke of doing something together on Friday night. We may go bike riding on Saturday, too. It sounds fun. I shared some ‘big subjects’ with Chad from my journals like my incident in 1980 and my sperm donor contributions to the Northern California Sperm Bank. He sounded so interested.
“I can handle it, tell me more about it,” Chad said.
I said all I could say on the subject.

 
Chad never mentioned the postcards that I’d sent.
He did make me feel good when he said, “I thought of you during my History and Math classes today.”
“That’s funny. I had a contractor’s job site order for phone service in Castro Valley and it made me think of you.”
We exchanged a lot of goodness between each other.
Of course Chad asked about Leonard.
“Oh yeah, Leonard says hi to you.”
“I’m jealous because I thought he was trying to swoop on you,” said Chad in a serious tone.
I laughed. I think he was just kidding around.


"Of course, only those who know how to choose will get true love."
-as heard in the 2000 Korean film "Il Mare" (Love Across Time)

Read More

Tarzan Boy

PHOTO: 1985 Portraiture
Brothers 
Left to Right:
Michael, Tony, John

"If you have everything...you want something else."
-Dollhouse, Season I, 2008
Episode I, Ghost

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 12, 1985
Tuesday

After work I went home and my brother, John, came over.   Then Tony arrived and we went to a photo studio in San Leandro to take our portrait together.  I think my hair was too perfect so it may not come out very well.  We’ll see in thirteen days.

There’s a new song called TARZAN BOY. It reminds me of Chad: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr3is_3mLNA

Lorraine Garcia called me at work today.  She’s coming to the Bay Area (from Santa Rosa) this weekend and wants to make me lunch on Saturday.   She’s so assertive.  It will be a tough one, considering I want to go bicycling with Chad and perhaps ‘plus + plus’.

After John, Tony and I took the portrait we returned to my house. They both left fairly soon after.

I telephoned Chad. He received the first card I’d ever sent him. He was overjoyed.
“That card really made my day,” Chad said.
“I’m glad.”
So, of course, I sent him three postcards after our conversation.  Ha-ha. I’d best not make it too habit forming.
He compliments me often about my hair and says, “You’re so photogenic!”
He makes me feel good sometimes.   I do recall some of his sarcasm but I kind of like it.   While I was speaking to Chad I simultaneously received a phone call from Leonard.
“Is it okay if I’ll call you later?” I asked Leonard.
“Okay,” Leonard replied.

“It was Leonard…but I told him I’d call him later,” I explained to Chad.
“That’s coincidental that he would call while we are talking,” Chad said.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Well, tell him hello from me when you talk to him.”
I thought that was odd and changed the subject, suggesting a bike outing over the weekend since both of my bikes will be fixed by then.
We ended our conversation with me saying, “I’ll see you at the gym tomorrow night.”

When I returned Leonard’s call he did not answer his phone. I tried again and this time he answered.   I didn’t understand his logic as he explained that he’d been sleeping.
“Well, you know Lorraine?” I asked.
“Yes, what of her?”
“Nothing…but she called and wanted to do lunch. I also met a friend of yours.”
“Oh, who would that be?”
“His name is Chad.”
“Oh, I see. Tell me all of the details of what he talked about.”
I didn’t really say too much. I wondered what the true story was between Leonard and Chad. Was there more to it?

I remember telling Chad how being at the gym was distracting for me (when Chad was there at the same time as me).
“I can relate to that,” Chad replied.
I thought it funny that he felt the same way. I wonder what predicament I will feel when I see Rachelle, Chad and Leonard all-in-one-evening at the gym.  Oh, I’ll just do my work out and play it by ear.

Chad really wants to read my journals but I’m leery about it all.   It’s scary.  I mean it’s just a real scary thing to do!  He’ll learn about a couple of non-truths that I’d told him regarding Chris Cordellos and Leonard, too.  Time will tell.  I’ll consider letting him read them another time.   Why not?  He would then know me TOO WELL.   Perhaps it would be better.

I received a packet in my incoming mail from Shirley Hastings. I recalled asking her to lunch months ago when she was in my office. She shunned the offer politely. I wonder if she’s trying to ‘swoop on me’ now.

Leonard wants to get-together soon.  He wrote my work number for those times that he may be in San Francisco.   We may possibly meet up for lunch.

I love honey, toast and milk for breakfast lately.  My favorite honey, though, is ‘CMG’.

"I need your attention."
-actress Carol Kane to Woody Allen
in the 1977 film "Annie Hall"

Read More

Dynamite

It was the unrealness of the situation, the fact that something once secret and rare could become as natural and commonplace as bread.
-Christopher Bram
"Mapping the Territory"

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 11, 1985
Monday

I know he is reading them. I can feel him turning each page…

I left Chad at my house. I left at 7AM for work. I think he may be reading my journals—but that’s okay. I think? Will it disturb him? I’m scared to know how he’ll react...whatever. His negative attitude towards me will be/shall be his loss. Although I feel Chad and I will be friends for a long time. I believe he feels (and knows) the truth. I’m respectable.

Work was okay. I managed. I ate at McDonald’s and sat in the sun, thinking of none other than ‘CMG’ (Chad Mark Glen).

After work I did my aerobics and then went to my gym. It was a Monday night, so I expected to see Rachelle, Leonard and Chad. No one was there. And yet, Chad did appear a bit later.
Chad asked, “How was your weekend?”
“Oh, real good,” I replied.
“Mine was DYNAMITE!”
His statement meant a lot to me. And the note he left for me when I arrived home meant a lot to me. He wrote: ‘Thanks for the enjoyable weekend. I like being with you.’
I bet he will be surprised when he receives the card (from me) that I mailed to him.

 
After working out Chad gave me a drink of his Diet-Pepsi. I accompanied him to his house (per his invitation).
“Why don’t you come over to watch ‘An Early Frost’?” Chad asked.
It was some flick! It’s about AIDS, a scary issue and a growing disease that’s common amongst homosexuals.

Larry, Chad’s roommate was there at the house. I think he’s a tad jealous of my new relationship with Chad despite the fact that they are NOT ‘an item’.

I telephoned Chad while at work today. Chad was telling me that I sounded very nonchalant over the phone.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Well, you said if I don’t see you at the gym tonight I’ll see you another time…as if you meant whenever.”
I smiled and explained, “I didn’t mean to sound that way. I guess I was just testing you.”

I believe I want a special relationship with him. I do. We watched the movie and then I left.
I reminded Chad, “I’ll probably see you at the gym on Wednesday. You know—because I’m taking that brotherly portrait tomorrow night.”

My brothers and I are taking a portrait photo that will be my mother’s Christmas 1985 gift from us. She really wants that.

While at his door I said, “Either way I’ll call you on Tuesday night.”
“I look forward to it.”
What a guy!

Chad’s dad is a psychologist.
Chad and I both drive black sports cars.
Chad and I like to work out and care about our health, well-being and appearance.
Chad likes women—as do I.
Chad is a good-looking guy.
Chad has blond hair and blue eyes and an excellent physique.
Chad gives me a nice feeling inside.
Chad looks at me like he really likes me.
Chad and I are becoming good friends in a physical, mental and possibly emotional sense.
Chad and I are careful and honest.
Chad told me when he went to the gym last Friday he was hoping I’d be there!

I do like Chad. He’s my favorite current event. I hope he’ll be an ongoing editorial who is forever mentioned in this literary guild. Who knows? He may be the best-man at my wedding one day—IF that should ever take place. That is one huge stepping stone. I remember I thought that about someone before (a best-man) but I forget who…maybe Frank Vasconcellos? It’s odd to think that Chad actually knows (or at least recognized) Frank and George from my photographs. I don’t care to really discuss my past affairs with someone I currently like. Time will tell.


Statement: "Your idea of love is sensuality."
Reply: "All love is true in different ways," stated Casanova.
-Heath Ledger as 'Casanova'
2005 Motion-Picture

Read More

Twenty-Six

"His eyes made love to me all evening."
-Greta Garbo
"Camille", 1936 Film

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 10, 1985
Sunday

I’ve recently come to learn that I really like Chad. His personality is great and the fact that we are both twenty-six (born in 1959) is a plus. Chad’s birthday is December 16th.

I was a bit surprised to learn that Chad actually knew Leonard Perillo! What the hell.
I simply said, “I had a feeling that Leonard was coming on to me.”
I didn’t say much else about ‘Leonard and I’ as there really isn’t a whole lot to say. I still felt a need to talk to Chad and learn his opinion of Leonard. I wanted to know if Leonard’s bragging about his position and status was nothing more than my imagination.

Chad and I left for Ole’s Waffle Shop on Park Street for a morning breakfast. Afterwards, we returned to my place to watch another favorite movie of mine: “THIEF OF HEARTS”.

After the movie we lounged about and went over to the Ice-Cream Dock for a shake and sundae. We took a walk around Harbor Bay and the lagoons. We drove in to Central Alameda where I stopped at Magic Video and at Longs Drugstore. I rented a Mel Gibson, Diane Keaton film called “MRS. SOFFEL”.

We settled back over at my pad. We decided to order a pizza.

My mom made an unexpected visit for the videotape I had of Lucille Ball movie where she plays a skid-row bum. I introduced mom to Chad. It was pleasant and brief.

Chad’s roommate, Larry, telephoned at my house to check up on Chad. He wanted to find out why Chad had disappeared. He wanted to know where Chad was and why he had not come home. Geez!
Chad shared a few things but I wasn’t quite sure if there was more to their relationship than meets the eye.
Chad said, “I wonder how Larry got your number.”
I was sure that Chad must’ve given it to him (whatever). I don’t know the full-story about Chad. Although I do know that he likes me and I feel the same about him. It is the present and future that truly matters.

Chad and I watched the “MRS. SOFFEL” movie and a little bit of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and went to bed…again.


"The older I get the more tender I become."
-Amazing Grace, 2006 Film

Read More

I'll Be Here

"You live alone...inside and outside."
-actress Natalya Rudakova as 'Valentina'
TRANSPORTER 3, 2008

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 9, 1985
Saturday

I was home in Alameda by 2:10AM. I went straight to bed.

When I woke up at 9:30AM I telephoned mom. Mom and Dad wanted to come over, so I obliged. Mom couldn’t help herself and did her usual ‘straightening-up’ of my pad.

I took my bicycle in to the shop. I also made another errand by returning a couple of VCR tapes I’d rented to the Video store. I filled up my car with gas, too.

I returned to my place for a while and then left for my drive to Sausalito. I had to pay $1.50 for parking, a .75 cents Oakland-Bay Bridge Toll and a $2.00 Toll for the Golden Gate Bridge (Total $4.25). And so it’s as if I actually paid for my freebie hamburger. Cathy was so busy at this joint that we barely were able to talk. The line of customers was never ending. Her break time wasn’t going to be until five o’clock. I left right after I had my burger.

I found myself at a local jewelry store and bought my mom two pairs of earrings. I delivered the earrings to her. She loved them.

PHOTO: Chad Mark Glen, 1985

I found myself at my pad once again and decided to telephone Chad just to see if we could make arrangements to see each other tomorrow.
Chad answered, “I could probably come over tonight after racquetball.”
“Well, I’ll be here.”
And so, I waited and waited and waited.

The phone rang at 10PM.   Chad arrived and we watched a movie called “PARIS, TEXAS”.  It was a slow-moving story about a man who wanders out of the desert not knowing who he is.  His brother finds him, helping him to pull his memory back to the life he led before he walked out on his wife and son four years before.  As his memory returns, he makes contact with various people from his past.  It wasn’t all that great.

After the movie we went to bed…


"It was delightful to watch him. With his beautiful face, and his beautiful soul, he was a thing to wonder at. It was no matter how it all ended, or was destined to end."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Read More

The "Hot" Hot Tub

“I need closeness, and that means kissing.”
-Shall We Kiss?
2007 French Film

Twenty-five years ago today:

November 8, 1985
Friday

Well, George Jones did call and he said, “I’ll call you early next week.”
I thought, “Oh brother! I don’t need any more of his head games.”
It’s true that I would still like to ‘meet up’ and ‘catch up’ on old times. I do NOT want to get involved with him at all (I don’t think).

I am glad today is Friday. The two days off will do me just fine.

I asked George, “What about getting together on Sunday?’
“Oh, I’m going away this weekend.”
I, of course, had no real plans for the weekend. I did expect to go to Sausalito on Saturday to get my free hamburger from Cathy (the gal I met at I-BEAM). I actually told Mary McTiernan and Margaret Lai that the visit to HAMBURGERS in Sausalito was my highlight plan for the weekend.

When I arrived home I wasn’t in the mood for aerobic action. Instead, I slipped my Alfred Hitchcock “North by Northwest” movie rental in to my VCR. I was making a private copy for myself while I headed out to the gym to work out.

While at the gym I smiled at a blond, well-built chap that I’d been seeing on a regular basis for some time now. He smiled back while he was riding the Life Cycle. I took his seat when he got off of the bike.
He asked, “Hey, how are you doin’?”
I mumbled, “Okay.”
I was out-of-breath after completing a set or two of the free weights.   I watched him work the Nautilus equipment while I was riding the Life Cycle.   I could sense him looking at me just as I have seen Russ (and a few others) do at the gym.

It was fun.  I was watching this blond guy and at about the same time that I’d finished my work out I ran into him in the locker room.  Our lockers were situated right next to each other.
So I asked him, “Calling it quits for the day, huh?”
He said, “Yes.”
I think he made some other small talk but I only recalled my words.
I said, “Yeah, hours later it always feels like you could’ve worked out harder.”
He agreed.

I went in to the shower and I eyed his “ass”.  He’s got a blatant tan line.   I was still in my shorts, so I showered in them as I planned to enter the steam room.  I knew he was likely going to go in to the steam room because I saw his Speedo trunks rolled up next to him.

I can now call this guy “Chad” because he introduced himself in the locker room and we shook on it.
I said, “I’m Mike even though I’m really Michael.”

While in the steam room, from the corner of my eye I saw Chad enter the Bar-B-Cue pit room (that’s what I call the Sauna). I decided to follow.  He smiled when I entered.   It was a luscious smile.  He has a really nice bod.  Anyway, we made more small talk even though there was one overweight pig in there with us.
I said something that went like this, “Now to decide whether or not to go out for a drink.”
He replied, “I’m going to go home and get in my hot tub.”
I asked, “Where do you live?”
“Castro Valley, I’m near Cull Canyon.”
I thought, “Oh great, near Rachelle and my Aunt Lillian.”
“I know the area,” I said, “Do you by chance know Jennifer Laird?”
She’s an old flame I had a crush on but I didn’t get into detail after he had no clue of her.  We didn’t say much else.   He walked out.  I proceeded to go back into the steam room for a quick minute and a half.   Then I went into the shower and Chad was still there, showering.  When his back was turned I checked him out.
As I was drying myself off I said, “You’re pretty lucky to have a hot tub to go to.”
To my amazement, he said, “You’re welcome to come over if you want.”
I didn’t waste a moment’s time and said, “Okay, I’ll wait for you outside.”

I waited and then I followed his neat looking black FIAT with the license plate C MARK G (of which I later learned stood for Chad Mark Glen). He lives in a nice house with a lot of nice things, including a piano.   His roommate is a pilot at Hayward Airport and he’s a much older gent by the name of Larry (NMT: Not My Type).

I lounged to a bit of TV with a diet coke in hand.  Then we went into the hot tub nude. Chad took his shorts off first and I just followed his lead.

While in the hot tub we talked about one another, our jobs, our being uncles. Chad’s a new uncle from only a few days ago.
Chad asked, “Why don’t you sit on this step and massage my back and shoulders.”
I had already accidentally touched his leg in the tub. I apologized for the accidental touch once but after he mentioned the massage I felt at ease. He returned the massaging of the back and shoulders on me.   It felt exhilarating.  I had more than a QBL feeling now.
I thought, “He’s no longer QUESTIONABLE.”
I liked learning that he has had girlfriends and had been seeing some gal recently.   I can relate to it all.  After some slight (and just about enough) hesitation we suddenly embraced and kissed.   I am trying to savor the moment now. The feel of hardness with my body against his… His upper body is so well endowed.   He’s got a great physique.

Eventually, we got out of the hot tub and watched a TV movie called “INTO THIN AIR”.  Ellen Burstyn starred as a Canadian mother of a college student who vanishes mysteriously while driving back to school in the states.  After having no luck from the police, she hires a private detective to help her. 

Larry watched the movie with us (which kind of drove me crazy because I wanted to hold and caress Chad again).  After the flick, Larry went into his respective room.  Chad and I felt comfortable enough to lie down together on the couch, watching “AGAINST ALL ODDS” (the movie that Paloma and I saw together).

I left Chad’s house at 1:30AM or so.   I invited him to Sausalito with me tomorrow but he had plans for racquetball with his kid brother along with studying and a movie with a friend that he’d been putting off.  It reminded me of my putting off Cedric Green.


"The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it.  When I leave town I never tell my people where I am going.   If I did, I would lose all my pleasure."
-Oscar Wilde
"The Portrait of Dorian Gray"

Read More