Life Will Go On

He moved back to America and love ran its course in letters, which seems appropriate for this man of ink.
-Christopher Bram
Mapping the Territory

Twenty-five years ago today

November 3, 1985
Sunday

I woke up at 9AM and wrote Paloma a letter. I updated her on my new telephone number. I also wrote about how I gave Maria (the bartender at the I-BEAM) her mailing address.

By 10:30 this morning I was calling Leonard Perillo once again. He was just waking up. He sounded rather vague and ‘out of it’.
“I’ll be over at around twelve thirty or one o’clock.”
I replied, “Okay, sounds good.” (Agreeable me.)

I popped on over to mom’s house for breakfast and departed at noon. Leonard arrived as scheduled and we zoomed off in his baby blue Porsche for Berkeley. We enjoyed some coffee together. I began to dislike the way Leonard gave orders. He sometimes acts as if he’s the controller as he makes these demands and commands.
Leonard asked, “Are you finished?”
It was the harsh way he asked it—as if I should NOW finish so we can move-on.

We did move-on and we sat on the lawn at the UC Berkeley Campus. We had brief (yet NICE) conversation. Then there was a sudden directness as Leonard made an interesting point.
“Michael, we should get to know each other better as friends.”
In a strange way, that made me feel good because it told me that he feels that I am a potential friend that he’d more than likely want to know for a long time. Of course, I need to feel the same way (and—so far--I do).
Leonard continued, “In previous relations I’ve had to deal with love ‘em and leave ‘em situations that were strictly physical.”
“I can understand that,” I concurred, “I know what you mean.”


 Leonard and I went off and browsed at the Elite motor bikes. It’s something Leonard wishes to buy. We also went to Tower Records where we sat around watching a couple of ‘long-hairs’ singing along the street. When I used the term ‘long-hairs’ Leonard criticized me.
“You are stereotyping!”
“Well, you can take it any way you want,” I said, realizing I didn’t care to argue such a silly point.
Leonard could not let it go and took it offensively only because his brother is a ‘long-hair’.   It just so happens that his brother is a heroin addict.
Leonard pressed me. “I don’t like it!”
It was almost as if I was supposed to kneel down to him and plead forgiveness. Did he want me to say ‘Forgive me I’ll do what I can to change to make you like me’? There was no way. I didn’t do that.
I turned it around and pointedly said, “I’m really not stereotyping.  My friend Jim Koran in Los Angeles is a long-hair and I actually like his long hair. When I refer to his hair it’s not stereotyped! I like him. He’s an intelligent being.”
Leonard clammed up after I gave that reasoning.


We proceeded to go to my house and we watched one of my favorite movies starring Kate Capshaw and Tim Matheson called “A LITTLE SEX”. Leonard liked the movie but he left right after it ended (5:45PM).

I lounged and showered at home.  I went to mom’s house for some sardines and crackers.  I ended up watching the first half-hour of ’48 HOURS’ on TV with mom and dad.  Once I was back at my pad I watched a bit of “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” (Burt Reynolds, Dolly Parton) and went to bed.


My sleepy time was okay. I kept thinking about Leonard and wondering if he may think I have ulterior motives.  I am sure he spoke to his masseuse about me last Thursday because he mentioned being influenced by his advice.  I believe Leonard is testing me now just as I am testing him.  I have no real ulterior motive except to know him better.  If I don’t come to know him better, then that will be that. Life will go on.

"You 'see' better with your ears."

-Happy Together, 1997
a film by Kar Wai Wong