Confused Pleasure

I thought of how the scales had tipped from our first meeting and in a way I was getting a certain confused pleasure out of it. That was only because I had no idea how serious it was.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 30, 1985
Thursday

Dale may be my new tub mate at work because he wants to be out of Pat’s section. There’s a vacancy where Dolores used to sit (next to me). It might be fun if Dale is positioned there.

I am planning to go shopping for wedding attire with Sherri on Friday after work. I know Sherri needs to find something to wear and I’m still looking.

Rachelle came in to San Francisco and we went to ‘Crisps Salads’ for lunch. It was especially nice to see her today. We sat out in the front of my building when Dale suddenly came by and started to talk to us. I really don’t think I like the buddy-buddy scene between Dale and Rachelle. It looks dangerous. She will tell him one story and by the time I hear it from one or the other it sounds twisted in some manner.

Rachelle came into my office. Dale nonchalantly made a scene by introducing her to my section, including Karyn Kossoff! Rachelle sat next to me and then left. She sat by Dale for a good fifteen minutes. Dale and Rachelle were talking about me. I just knew it! I didn’t like the feeling (especially since Dale had told Rachelle all about the whole Paloma Predicament). I bet Dale is now feeding Rachelle gibberish about Karyn Kossoff. I should not be feeling like any of it matters to me.

Rachelle returned to my desk and stayed a little while longer. It was around 1:30PM when I walked her to the elevator and gave her a quick kiss goodbye.

After work, Rachelle met me at my house. We drove to San Francisco to find the USF Medical Center to visit her friend, Chrissy. Rachelle has known Chrissy since she was eight years old when they were next door neighbors. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland and had it removed. Chrissy was returning to Santa Barbara on Saturday, so we had to go see her tonight. I really wanted to go to the gym tonight but this was a good thing to do.

Rachelle and I were lost, trying to find the street that started with a “P”. I guessed Parnassus. It was funny how I guessed the street name when she kept repeating that sentence.
“I know the street starts with a P,” Rachelle repeated.
I parked below a high hill. Rachelle had to walk up the hill with her wild, white pair of high heels. It was a laugh. We were arm and arm and I was helping her walk up the hill. I am beginning to love being with her more and more. She’s beautiful. I’ve loved her more ‘dearly’ than any one.

Rachelle reunited with her girlfriend, Chrissy. I simply stood by as a bystander. Her girlfriend, Chrissy, had a black eye from the neurosurgery. We did not stay for too long. I drove back to Alameda and we stopped to eat at La Val’s Pizza. Afterwards we went to my place; whereby, we made love intensely. She left at 11PM. Her mom was reassured because she thought we were in San Francisco. She had no idea we were already at my pad by this time.

"I've only known him for a few days. But I couldn't move a muscle...
Terrible how you suddenly go all weak, lose all your willpower, when a man touches you like that...
I never could have imagined how your strength just gives out."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"