Contemplating A Plan

"It sucks doesn't it? When the person that turns you on...turns you off."
-KYLE-XY, Season II

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 31, 1985
Friday

TGIF (Thank God It’s Friday).

And tomorrow is the big wedding day for my cousin, Sandra Gallegos—soon to be Sandra Fritz. At least she’s marrying a man named Michael.

Rachelle called me a few times. She was very upset because I was going shopping with Sherri tonight. She even left a voice mail message to Dale to discuss matters. I don’t like it when she turns to him for advice. We need to be able to communicate with each other.

Sherri telephoned me and we decided to go shopping at Bay Fair in San Leandro instead of San Francisco. When I called to let Rachelle know this she still bickered. Oh well. Rachelle did not want to join us either.

In the meantime, Rachelle and Dale were discussing the entire matter by telephone (so I later learned).
“I’m on your side, Rachelle,” Dale pleaded.
And then Dale turns around and says to me: “Michael, I’m on your side one-hundred percent.”

The office catered in twenty pizzas! It was filling. Dale feels I am mad at him (probably because I didn’t wait for him after work in front of the building). Maybe he’s mad because I didn’t run to have him join me for our afternoon break and went with Sue Fischer instead. He’s childish sometimes. I like my spare freedom time, too. I miss my sole bicycle therapy. I want to get back into cycling.

After work Sherri told me Heidi was going to meet her after work. She didn’t look too upset when I told her I’d probably just go to Jay Jacobs and the gym. When I arrived home I called Rachelle to explain that I could meet her earlier after all.
“It’s too late, Michael,” Rachelle yelled out uncontrollably.
“Why?”
“I have household sorts of duties and errands to run now.”
“I’m sorry. What about later?”
“I might be able to meet you at eight-thirty in front of Jay Jacobs.”

I went to mom’s house where she was babysitting for Ashley. I drank a glass of juice and relaxed until eight o’clock rolled around.

I walked into the Bay Fair Shopping Mall and saw Rob (Rachelle’s pal) who works at Jay Jacobs. He was dressed like a “goober” in a preppy outfit. I walked around the mall and then walked outside only to see Rob and Rachelle. Rachelle helped me shop and I ended up buying my $63.88 Jay Jacobs sport coat. There was no pink shirt in my 15 ½ or 34-35 size, so we left for MACY’s.

Rachelle began to nag me, going on and on about my splitting. We argued.
“I don’t even have a dress to wear tomorrow,” Rachelle said.
“I’m sure you do. You can wear anything.”
“I probably won’t be going to the wedding because I don’t know how to dress,” Rachelle stated stupidly.
“Oh come on,” I said, starting to get angry.
What a wench! I tried to maintain calmness.
“Rachelle, it is all right if you don’t go with me to the wedding.”

Before long we were back in my car at the gym’s parking lot. We mutually decided NOT to work out tonight. Rachelle decided to call her mom. I didn’t know it at the time but she was actually calling Dale!
“My mom said to bring the car home,” Rachelle said.
So she took the car home and I followed her in my car. After she changed clothes at her house we left in my car.
I wanted to
1. See a movie.
2. Go for a cup of coffee.
3. Go dancing.
Rachelle could not do #1 because we were doing that tomorrow night. She could not do #2 because it’s a no-no as she wanted to talk to me face-to-face without the public eye. And we could not do #3 because she was not dressed appropriately.

I would later learn that she was contemplating a plan “to get Michael’s journal and read it with Dale”.

We were arguing a lot because I didn’t want to drive to Alameda. I’d get all relaxed only to have to drive her home late at night. I didn’t want to risk falling asleep driving home. I gave her those same three choice options again, adding a fourth option. The #4 idea was to ‘take her home’.
“I don’t want to go home. You’re not taking me home,” Rachelle stated adamantly.
I was driving towards Castro Valley and she made threats about getting out of the car while we were in motion. She actually did get out when I was momentarily stopped at a STOP sign. She got out. I had no idea that it was very near to her ex-boyfriend’s house (Joe Smith).

I drove away for a block and then had to turn around to get her back into the car. I had all of these scary and morbid thoughts of things that could happen to her. So she was there, but she would not get in the car unless I told her we were going to Alameda.

I finally realized it was a Friday night. In my head I reasoned with myself that Rachelle did come to see me for the short while that I was babysitting Ashley on Tuesday.
“Okay, I’ll take you home with me to Alameda.”

Marty was home but didn’t bother us any. We went upstairs and made up with some really good sensual love—not once---but twice. And then we had a heavy conversation about the possibility of her being pregnant.
"I think I'm pregnant."
“How do you know?” I asked.
“It’s just because.”
“Is it because you haven’t had your period?”
“No, it’s because I bled a bit today.”
Rachelle was seriously talking like she was sure she was and ‘is’ pregnant.
“If you were…you know I’d marry you. I’m against an abortion altogether.”
Rachelle began to argue the point and then said something nice.
“Michael, I’d marry you the day I turn eighteen and then, one day, I’d love to have your baby—but not now!”
We seemed to go around in circles about the whole issue. I just wanted her to know that I’d be supportive. Rachelle went home.

I fell asleep. I almost crashed while driving back home because I was so tired. I somehow knew I’d feel that way.

"I guess mistakes are really second chances even though they don't seem it at the time."
-KYLE XY, Season II

Read More

Confused Pleasure

I thought of how the scales had tipped from our first meeting and in a way I was getting a certain confused pleasure out of it. That was only because I had no idea how serious it was.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 30, 1985
Thursday

Dale may be my new tub mate at work because he wants to be out of Pat’s section. There’s a vacancy where Dolores used to sit (next to me). It might be fun if Dale is positioned there.

I am planning to go shopping for wedding attire with Sherri on Friday after work. I know Sherri needs to find something to wear and I’m still looking.

Rachelle came in to San Francisco and we went to ‘Crisps Salads’ for lunch. It was especially nice to see her today. We sat out in the front of my building when Dale suddenly came by and started to talk to us. I really don’t think I like the buddy-buddy scene between Dale and Rachelle. It looks dangerous. She will tell him one story and by the time I hear it from one or the other it sounds twisted in some manner.

Rachelle came into my office. Dale nonchalantly made a scene by introducing her to my section, including Karyn Kossoff! Rachelle sat next to me and then left. She sat by Dale for a good fifteen minutes. Dale and Rachelle were talking about me. I just knew it! I didn’t like the feeling (especially since Dale had told Rachelle all about the whole Paloma Predicament). I bet Dale is now feeding Rachelle gibberish about Karyn Kossoff. I should not be feeling like any of it matters to me.

Rachelle returned to my desk and stayed a little while longer. It was around 1:30PM when I walked her to the elevator and gave her a quick kiss goodbye.

After work, Rachelle met me at my house. We drove to San Francisco to find the USF Medical Center to visit her friend, Chrissy. Rachelle has known Chrissy since she was eight years old when they were next door neighbors. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland and had it removed. Chrissy was returning to Santa Barbara on Saturday, so we had to go see her tonight. I really wanted to go to the gym tonight but this was a good thing to do.

Rachelle and I were lost, trying to find the street that started with a “P”. I guessed Parnassus. It was funny how I guessed the street name when she kept repeating that sentence.
“I know the street starts with a P,” Rachelle repeated.
I parked below a high hill. Rachelle had to walk up the hill with her wild, white pair of high heels. It was a laugh. We were arm and arm and I was helping her walk up the hill. I am beginning to love being with her more and more. She’s beautiful. I’ve loved her more ‘dearly’ than any one.

Rachelle reunited with her girlfriend, Chrissy. I simply stood by as a bystander. Her girlfriend, Chrissy, had a black eye from the neurosurgery. We did not stay for too long. I drove back to Alameda and we stopped to eat at La Val’s Pizza. Afterwards we went to my place; whereby, we made love intensely. She left at 11PM. Her mom was reassured because she thought we were in San Francisco. She had no idea we were already at my pad by this time.

"I've only known him for a few days. But I couldn't move a muscle...
Terrible how you suddenly go all weak, lose all your willpower, when a man touches you like that...
I never could have imagined how your strength just gives out."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

Read More

A Little Vampire Game

At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land.
Your friend,
Dracula
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 29, 1985
Wednesday

I woke up and did my usual ‘pick up’ Sherri duty. I drove to The City. Work was very trying and tiring. Roxanne, the red-headed bitch accused me of stealing a sale and told coworker, Maria Uchi, about it.
Roxanne told Maria, “Maria, you had a record order on file about the sale. It’s your sale!”
Maria did not insist on having the RCF, so I kept it as my own sale. That was the end of that. It was just the principle of the thing. I felt I sold it and I didn’t like how Roxanne chose to butt in to a matter that had nothing to do with her.

At lunch, Dale, Ryan, Joe and I went to view the new apartments that have been recently, newly built in the area. They were nice but I felt that they were quite the rip-off. I am really lucky to be paying $75 a month and having Marty around to pay the $400 difference. He’s getting a deal actually!

I returned to that infamous pad of mine and fell asleep. At about 7:10PM I received a phone call from Rachelle. She was at the gym since 4:30PM.
“I’ve been here forever and I was just wondering when you are coming.”
“Oh,” I said groggily, “I fell asleep. I am on my way now.”

I did not arrive to the gym until 7:30PM or so. Rachelle nagged me to no end, making tidbit comments about standing her up. It was Phil who drilled the idea into her mind. I know it. We worked out and then went to Red Robin for dinner at Bay Fair Shopping Mall.

Rachelle made a big deal about waving to some guy who works out at our gym. It was like she thought I should be jealous about it. Before long the evening was coming to a close and we were kissing again. We played a little vampire game by giving each other bites on the neck. We finally left each other for our respective pads (in Alameda and Castro Valley).

I am in a sea of wonders. I doubt. I fear. I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Read More

The Babysitter

"Is every day life really so exciting?"
-Kick Ass (2010 Film)

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 28, 1985
Tuesday

I drove to our parking lot in The City this morning and I finally asked Sherri, “So, what are we going to do about our car pool problem?”
Sherri replied, “Well, I don’t want or care to drive but I will share the gas and parking expenses.”
“Okay, but hopefully we’ll get a third or fourth person to carpool with us from Bay Farm soon.”
And so, at least we’ve discussed it.

Dale did not say a word to me today. I thought he could at least apologize for what he did. He didn’t even confront me. I don’t know what he expected from me that night! It’s unbelievable.

I forgot my wallet today. So I ended up taking a walk to Rainbow Records, forfeiting lunch. It is nice to take a solitary walk. It’s a pleasant change actually.

I had an excellent sales day with 213 PNS points. I hope all of the orders complete with no problems. I even won two tickets to an Oakland A’s Game on August 5, 1985.

I confided in Ryan today about the incident with Dale from last Saturday night.
“Promise me you won’t say anything to Dale about it!”
“Oh, I won’t,” Ryan said.
After work, Dale would still not come by to talk to me. Ryan did.
Ryan said, “Dale apologized for his boyish attitude on Saturday night and he said he’d make up for it another night.”
“Oh yeah, we’ll see.”
“Yeah, Dale’s coming with me to aerobics tonight—but you know Sabrina…he’s acting silly.”
“Yeah, the bitch Sabrina does tend to act that way,” I answered as Ryan gave a loud chuckle.

Karyn Kossoff hand-delivered a piece of Rene’s birthday cake to my desk. She’s so sweet. Really…she is!

I just recalled that Dale also said on several occasions that he’d had a chance to do ‘what-not’ to me while in Las Vegas but never attempted it.
“Thank GOD he didn’t,” I thought, “Uggy…Gross!”

Anna and Sherri joined me in my car and we were off to Alameda.
Sherri said, “You know, Dale told me he was going to babysit Ashley while John and I went to the Drive-In tonight.”
That surprised me. Apparently, Dale and Ryan ran into Sherri at lunchtime and went to GRODINS together.
Sherri continued, “I still can’t believe that Ryan is gay. He has such a great personality and good looks. He just doesn’t match the stereotypical gay type.”
“Oh…you mean like the feminine gestures?”
“Yeah, like that.”
Sherri seems to be adjusting and becoming more open-minded of it all.
“Just so you know, I’ll babysit Ash if you want me to,” I advised Sherri.

I went to mom’s house and ate a tuna sandwich or two with a glass of juice. The phone rang.
“It’s Sherri…will you babysit Ash for me tonight?”
“Oh, okay.”

I sent a $5000 check to the CITIBANK 30-month ultimate CD Investment Savings Center. I hope my savings/investment plan will work out. I am trying to plan ahead.

After John and Sherri left and Ashley was in good behavior mode I received a call from Rachelle. How did she know where to find me? None the less it was sweet.
Rachelle said, “I wish I was there.”
“So why don’t you come over?”
And would you believe it. She did come over! When she arrived Ash was being “cranky”. I decided to put her to bed after I changed her diaper.

Ashley was sleeping. Rachelle and I watched and heard a funny religious tune with ‘The Pope’ on ‘The Jazz Singer’ as we were getting intimate. It made us laugh, so we changed the channel to the MTV station.

Film clip from The Jazz Singer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlqR7HUuIrw
PHOTO: May 1, 1985-George Michael, Andrew Ridgeley

Then, a song by WHAM (George Michael) came on at the same time we literally ‘came on’. Yes, we made love again and we are hoping that I pulled out in time because there were no sponges here. It was a fun sexual lovemaking session.

The Song from WHAM, 1984: ‘Everything She Wants’:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gk1QU3lPX8

"Like most people my age--I just existed."
-Kick Ass (2010 Film)

Read More

A Jealous State

There's one OPERA that I'm fanatic about: TURANDOT.
The music kills me, it makes my spine ripple, it's spoky and sad and dramatic and, I think, the most beautiful music in the world.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

A scene from the Opera, Turandot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoTa-b7cUw0

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 27, 1985
Monday

It was 9:30AM and I was still in bed. I made arrangements to meet Rachelle in front of MACY’s San Leandro where we will buy my cousin, Sandy Gallegos, her wedding gift. We will also buy some antique frames for our photos that we had taken at Great America yesterday. Who knows? Maybe we’ll find a new outfit for the wedding, too.

I had a quick bite to eat at mom’s house on this Memorial Day. I munched on Vienna Fingers cookies with chilled milk and some pan de leche with more milk. Then I left to meet Rachelle. Her folks were there, too. We worked out at the gym and went for an Orange Julius. We dropped into Jay Jacobs store to browse. I saw a jacket I liked at Jay Jacobs that I may buy to wear for the wedding on Saturday. We met Rob (an old heartthrob of Rachelle’s). Rob and Rachelle went to the high-school Winter Ball together in February 1985. I was in a tidbit of a jealous state because Rob was a very good-looking guy (even if he is only eighteen years old).

I purchased a vase and some nice natural colored napkins and placemats as a wedding gift for my cousin, Sandy. I also bought myself a white Bostonian looking cap for myself. I love it.

Rachelle kind of pissed me off when she said, “If Paloma returns to the States it would be over between us!”
I don’t like that when she says that!

Rachelle and I went to my house to discuss the matter further. I think I am beginning to get it through her thick skull that ‘Paloma and I’ are really close friends moreover than anything else. Rachelle and I ended up making love again upstairs on my Queen-sized brass bed. She’s been using those TODAY Sponges, so I guess we’re safe (pregnancy-wise). She left my house by 6PM and then I went to mom’s house for a homemade hamburger dinner.

It was a good dinner. Mom and I watched a movie called “The Rape of Richard Beck” about a police-officer who gets raped by two guys. Mom is good company but she’s starting to become more of a gossip with her new daughter-in-laws Sherri and Helen. I went home and had a good night chat with Rachelle regarding the idea I had to write twenty-five things we dislike about each other. We were to write ten things we like about each other, too. I told her about some of the ones I had written down already. It will be fun to compare and discuss.


So, at sixteen you're horny enough to get an erection watching two parakeets do it,
let alone humans, no matter what sex.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

Read More

Great America

I suppose there is something in a woman's nature that makes a man free to break down before her and express his feelings on the tender or emotional side without feeling it derogatory to his manhood.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 26, 1985
Sunday

Happy 26th Birthday to me!

I received a morning phone call from Rachelle Davies and before I knew it I was showering at 8:30AM and I was in Castro Valley by 9:30AM.

Rachelle and I drove to Hayward where I met Rachelle’s Dad. He was nice enough. He reminded me of an old retired movie actor. He was very nice as he did his best to help take out the tape that was stuck in my car cassette recorder. We didn’t stay too long as we were continuing our journey to the Great America Amusement Park.

The weather was a bit overcast and cloudy but it did not stop us from going. Rachelle paid my entrance fee for my Birthday. We went on several rides and ate some of Maggie Mae’s fried chicken. THE EDGE amusement park ride was one hell of a fall. We had a good time. We watched Glen Campbell perform (to my dismay).

We had an old-fashioned antique looking photo taken together. It was fun. The photo came out good, too. We drank a pitcher of beer at some peanut bar saloon.

The log and boat rides were fun, too. I loved the cotton candy. We went on THE EDGE ride for a second time. What a FALL! It’s like when you’re dreaming you’re falling and really aren’t…but on THE EDGE…you ARE falling! I’d love to take mom on that ride.

On our way out of the Amusement park I bought some hot-chocolate and then accidentally spilled it on Rachelle’s pants and tennis shoes. That was another outburst of laughter. We drove back to my house.

We made sweet love upstairs in my bedroom. I think Rachelle felt funny with the large poster of John Wayne watching us. We began to fall asleep when my mom called at 11PM or so. The phone call was perfect timing as it urged me to hurry and get Rachelle back home at a reasonable time. At 11:59PM (my actual birth time) I was on my drive home to Alameda, thinking of the nice time I had with Rachelle, today.
I told her, “I will call you at noon tomorrow.”

As he dressed, he felt prickles of fear, and clouds of butterflies fluttered in his stomach.
-Nial Kent (aka William Leroy Thomas)
"A Divided Path"

Read More

Smooth Operator

In selfish men caution is as secure an armor for their foes as for themselves.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

James Bond approves of “Sade” singing this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB8EUs5NFLM&feature=related


Twenty-five years ago today:

May 25, 1985
Saturday

I awoke to a sweet phone call from Rachelle Davies on this Saturday morning. She really likes me a lot. I am glad of it. I love her, too. We seem to really love each other. I love her. She makes me feel good. She is a looker and a half as far as I’m concerned. I must be a “smooth operator” per that song to have captured her.

I knew I would not be seeing Rachelle today because I had made previous arrangements for dinner. Tonight is a birthday dinner with Dale, Ryan and Joe (Ryan’s current beau). Joe reminds me of Desi Arnaz Jr. He could easily be a shoe-in lookalike to him.

Mom came over and we cleaned my townhouse together. I put my John Wayne poster up on the wall of my bedroom. I did a little bit of fashionable cloth hanging décor, too.

Dale arrived by 3PM or so with a really nice birthday gift (pants, shirt, tie and socks). They all looked alike. I was thankful and appreciative. I wore the clothes that he gave me for our outing tonight.

Today was a happy day because I received my IRS refund ($ 822.00). Hurrah!

Dale and I finally arrived at Ryan’s apartment in San Francisco. Joe and his mother and sister also joined us for dinner, so it was LESS fun as far as I was concerned. Joe’s family (mother and sister) were visiting from Houston, Texas. I must say they were very nice though.

Ryan surprised me by giving me a pair of bright yellow long-fashionable shorts from NORDSTROM. He is too kind and a ‘real pal’.

After dinner we went to see a play called DANCIN’ IN THE STREETS (or something like that). It was good. We had a really good time watching it. Some of the dancers were in such good shape. It made me want to exercise and workout and immediately “dance”!

After the play we dropped Joe’s family off and we took a few pictures with Joe’s mom’s camera. Then we left. Ryan, Joe, Dale and I all went to the “Renegade Bar”. It was fun. We had a good time and I danced with Ryan and Dale. What a joke. Ryan’s such a nice guy. I like him (and his personality). Just before we left the place some young, drunk chap named Richard was talking to Dale and me. He was a waste case. We went to another bar called “GIRAFFE” until about eight minutes before two o’clock. As we left I noticed Ryan and Joe having an argument about ‘who knows what’. It was probably a jealousy thing as it seems to be a common argumentative topic these days.

Much later, Dale drove me home and he made a point of saying, “I want to come in to get my gear and use the bathroom.”
“Okay but I’m going to bed.” I continued to walk upstairs to my bedroom.

To my amazement Dale followed me upstairs and he started to kneel before me. I went under my covers and he started to talk like a drunkard. I certainly hoped he was drunk.
“I want to give you head, Michael.”
I was just appalled. I adamantly told him, “NO!”
He kept defending himself with the craft.
“Michael, I am really good at it.”
I simply could not and would not let him involve himself in this manner. When he finally realized he was getting nowhere I could tell he felt bad.
Dale suddenly said, “I think I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.”
That pitiful statement made me wonder if it was just a ploy for me to give him the okay for the oral sex. There was still no way. I wouldn’t defy Rachelle. And besides, I would never do anything of the sort with Dale.
Dale left my house and he expressed some shaky words as he was running downstairs that went something like this: “Don’t call me tomorrow because I can’t face you.”
I followed him downstairs and I heard him outside of my front door, crying somewhat loudly. I felt bad, so I opened the door to try to make him understand that we could only be friends. He left abruptly thereafter. I began to wonder if Dale had experienced this sort of thing from his father as a child when he was in bed. He did tell me that his dad had sexually assaulted him as a child. It’s a gross thought. It was a horrible feeling for me to think of it at my current age of twenty-five (I won’t be twenty-six until 11:59PM tomorrow night).

He has certain qualities very largely developed, selfishness, secrecy, and purpose.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Read More

Without A Trace

PHOTO: Rachelle Davies, 1985

Confidences are always risky: a secret entrusted to a stranger makes him less of one.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 24, 1985
Friday

Today (at work) was an A-OKAY day. I received Birthday cards from Barbara Reynolds, Emmy Pena, Mary McTiernan (via postal mail) and Karyn Kossoff.

There was a baby shower for Dale at the office. Sherri came into the office to watch and ‘hang out’ for a bit.

I was telling Dale about Rachelle’s jealousy over our business outings and stuff. Dale’s jealousy certainly seems more overpowering than Rachelle’s. Dale did more damage than good by calling Rachelle. Dale told Rachelle all of the details of Paloma and my possible marriage and ‘who knows what other sort of “crapola” he let on to her.

It was 5PM finally and I drove Sherri home. Then I headed for Castro Valley where Rachelle and I headed for Squeezer’s in San Leandro for a bite to eat. Rachelle saw a high-school boy who had a crush on her as we left the joint. She also saw some paramedic fellow who gave her his telephone number. She never called him because she had met me around the same time.

Rachelle and I continued on over to the THRIFTY Drug Store. She hesitantly but courageously bought some TODAY ‘Spongettes’. It was a funny episode.

We went to my house and made love (supposedly safely). We had fun tying each other up the bondage way ‘just for fun’. She scared me about threats to read my journal after she tied my hands to the bed post. I began to get very worried.

After a couple of sensual rounds we fell asleep. Luckily she woke up at 12:30AM. I drove her home and I think I spoiled the earlier part of her evening when I got pissed about her screwing up my cassette player last Tuesday. She asked for it because she kept bringing it up! She became all hyperactive when I showed her the scarf, bike and tie hangar that I received as a gift from Paloma. Rachelle got all upset about the items. She was acting childish and jealous over Paloma’s gifts.

PHOTO: Paloma Sanchez-Guerra, 1985

I also received a bike T-Shirt from Jim Koran along with a brass wire bike. That was nice of Jim to take the time to mail them to me.

During the drive home on Friday night I used a bit of silent treatment because I was pissed-off about Rachelle’s childish attitude over Paloma’s gifts. The silence worked because Rachelle started to talk like she wanted to make sure I would NOT hate her.

"Try to look at it this way: a human being is a shell made of skin keeping the cells, blood, and chemical components in place. Very few end up in the history books. Most people succumb and disappear without a trace."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"

Read More

On Top of the World

Someone who's on top of the world isn't much of an observer: Happy people are poor psychologists. But someone who's troubled about something is on the alert. The perceived threat sharpens his senses--he takes in more than he usually does.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 23, 1985
Thursday

Rachelle is just plain overly possessive. She continuously keeps acting ‘knit picky’ and domineering. I don’t like it at all!

At lunch Dale and I ate with Sherri over on Market Street once again. Ryan walked by and decided to join us. Sherri wasn’t being very open-minded but is learning to be more open than she used to be.
She said to Dale, “There are a lot of fags in my office.”
Later she had told me during the drive home that she detected that Ryan might be gay as she overheard some of the conversation that Dale and he were having. I pretty much kept my mouth shut, figuring it wasn’t my business to talk about other people’s sexuality preferences.

I dropped Sherri at her home and then went to receive the good news of the day. My IRS refund check was mailed on May 24, 1985. I also received a HAPPY BIRTHDAY card from Paloma in Paris. I wrote her back and told her about Rachelle. I wonder how she will react.

Cedric Green called me and told me of his opera singing debut at the Paramount Theater in Oakland on June 8th. I may attend.

I decided to call Rachelle.
“Do you want to go to the Opera or the baseball game on Friday night?”
I explained how Dale had won the baseball tickets at work and could not attend. Rachelle wasn’t thrilled about the Opera or the baseball game. She even made a jealous remark about Dale and me attending a ‘Greeting Card’ Show in San Francisco. She was more interested in going to the ‘Greeting Card’ Show than the Opera or the baseball game. What a pain.

My letter to Paloma (I dated it the next day, May 24th, because that was when I was mailing it):

May 24, 1985
Paloma Dear,
Here’s the latest. I’m still dating Rachelle. She has a nice body (but not as good as yours). She’s cute and I think she likes me a lot because she looks up to me because she’s so young (18). I know—I’m robbing the cradle. At this point…I won’t say much more.

I still have deep feelings for you and want to see you again. As time passes I wonder and have flashbacks of you.

Don’t these teddy bears look like they’re having a comfortable time at the beach? The one in the blue and white striped bikini reminds me of you (Body & ALL) now that you’ve been slacking off on your workouts!

I’m getting old. The big 26 will be here on Sunday. I’m excited about it actually. Hurrah.

I still haven’t gone to Bonnie’s to get my belt. Do you still have junk there? Are they going to send it to you?

I received a message from Marty that you called. I’ve called you a couple times but there was no answer. I’ll try again sometime soon. I also got a call from a friend of yours named Brad. He wasn’t home and I left a message for him on his recorder but he hasn’t called me back yet.

Apparently you could not get everything you wanted in this world.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Read More

The Atmosphere of Sensuality

"You have young eyes, that's why you see everything as younger than it is."
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 22, 1985
Wednesday

Sherri and I left a bit earlier than usual this morning. We had no luck finding a third person for our carpool.

My section sort of celebrated my Birthday today (even though my real birthday isn’t until the 26th). We had a pot-luck and a cake. It was good. Most of my section was in the office today and my Birthday falls on a Sunday, so this was a good compromise.

The whisper gossip of the day was that Joshua, a hateful SOB (Son-of –a-Bitch) was deceiving the office sales numbers with fake RCF orders in order to increase his own individual sales numbers.

I picked up my pictures today. I liked the photos of Rachelle and the one of Ashley in the phone booth.

I went and took a nap when I arrived home. I energized myself by 7:15PM and went straight to the gym. It was a difficult workout because of the excess food and cake today. I know this was the reason! I worked out until 9:30PM or so.

When I arrived home I watched the last hour of A RIGHT TO KILL on TV, a movie about a father who beat his wife and children. The son later killed his pop because of the ordeal. It was dramatic. It reminded me of Dale’s story---sort of.

Today Dale said, “You can have my Oakland A’s tickets for Friday night.”
I may take him up on his offer.

Rachelle was working as an usher for 42nd STREET in San Francisco tonight. She left me a message, so I returned her call while I was tucked in bed. It made me feel closer to her sweet self to call her while under the covers.

Sometimes the atmosphere of sensuality makes her feel slightly dizzy.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Read More

A Crappy Lover

"You should know by now that I like having you in bed not because of how you look but because of the way you act. I think you're sexy as hell."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 21, 1985
Tuesday

The car pool experience is not looking so good.  The drive into the City only included myself and Sherri today. Anna was fired from her job.

Dale was depressed because I failed to call him back last night (on top of the fact that Ryan was pissed-off at him). Dale and I had lunch at Wendy’s and his mood shifted a bit. We sat outside with Sherri again on the usual Market Street steps.

Rachelle called me a couple of times while I was at work. It pleases me when she calls me. She makes me feel good. I like knowing how strongly she is “into” me.

After I dropped Sherri at her home I went to my pad to quickly change clothes. I picked up Rachelle at her house in Castro Valley. When I arrived her mom and step-dad were putting groceries away. I saw her huge backyard. It was very nice. I accompanied Rachelle to her Grandmother’s house in San Leandro. During the drive Rachelle was telling me soap-opera type stories about her friends (Danee, Matt and Milton). She also told me of Andrea and went on about her ex-boyfriend, Joe.
“Joe was a crappy lover,” Rachelle said, making me feel a tad superior.
I laughed and asked, “Why?”
I wanted details.
“He was just wham-bam and ready for a shower, then the door.”
Again I had to laugh.
Rachelle’s Grandma gave us a demonstration of her ham, cream cheese and olive appetizers.

After Rachelle’s Grandma’s house we drove to the SAFEWAY near my house to prepare those same appetizers. My mood went into ‘downer’ mode when Rachelle got her cassette tape stuck in my car tape deck. It was like a repeat of what Paige LaBris did ‘way back when’. It depressed me because I hate when things aren’t working right. Then I came back to earth and realized that Rachelle did not do this on purpose. We made up and had fun the rest of the evening. I love Rachelle.

Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways. Then tears come, and like the rain on the ropes, they brace up, until perhaps the strain become too great, and we break.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Read More

The Sexy White Skirt

That awful journal gets hold of my imagination and tinges everything with something of its own color.
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 20, 1985
Monday

It was my first day to be in-charge of the car pool. The car included me, Sherri and Anna. It all went smoothly.

Today seemed to be an okay kind of day. Dale and I took a walk to Market Street where we ran into Sherri eating her lunch and reading her book. We surprised her with a ‘hello’ and a bit of chatter until we headed back to the office at around 12:50PM.

After my work day I headed for the gym. Rachelle honked her horn when she saw me drive into the parking lot, so I parked adjacent to her car. She was wearing a sexy white skirt and a red top that I helped select for her. She wore her wild, white high-heel pumps, too. We went inside the gym to change for our workouts. We worked out. We had to depart our separate ways afterward.

Once home I watched the end of that movie called DEADLY INTENTIONS (or at least I tried to). I fell asleep during the last episode.

I woke up when Dale telephoned. I promised to return his call. I never did call him back. He started with a story regarding Ryan Hargrave going out to dinner with his ex (Ron Shelly). Dale opened his big mouth to Joe.
“If I were in your shoes I would never let Ryan go out with Ron,” Dale had told Joe (Ryan’s current boyfriend).
It was no surprise that Ryan was pissed-off. Dale got himself in trouble.
It’s like junior high school all over again, only the names, faces and dates have changed.

Men and women are so different in manifestations of nervous strength or weakness!
-Bram Stoker
"Dracula"

Read More

"Sweetie"

She only had one style, which we called TERMINATOR MODE. She would try to nail her opponent, and it didn't matter if it was just a warm-up or friendly sparring.
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 19, 1985
Sunday

I woke up this morning by way of Rachelle’s phone call at 8:15AM. She had just been talking on the phone with her Walnut Creek friend named Jim. Rachelle has a new nickname for me. She keeps calling me “Sweetie”.

I went to mom’s house for Sunday breakfast which included coffee and Winchell’s donuts. Every breakfast can’t be a ‘winner’—after all. I waited with mom for Sherri and Ashley to arrive, and then we all went to the Alameda Flea Market. It was such a nice day. We bumped into Elisa B Brown, her daughter, Stephanie and Elisa’s mom. I purchased some white socks and a cool 8 x 10 photo of Natalie Wood that intrigued me.

I took a nap at mom’s house. When I woke up I decided to give Rachelle a phone call. I called a couple of times but she was not at home.

I returned to my pad later and felt sort of guilty since I did not bike ride all day.

I am now wondering about the status of my jury duty. I have not heard a thing.

I persuaded Rachelle into driving over to my place tonight. We watched a movie called DEADLY INTENTIONS while lying on the couch. It was fun sharing the couch and romancing on it. Things are still kind of “iffy” because she is not on birth control yet and we have no protection.
“How is Rodney?” she asked with a luscious smile.

"Could there be some sort of Freudian symbolism in your choice of smiles?"
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Played With Fire"

Read More

Who is Rodney?

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I---I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.”
-Richard Price
“Lush Life”

While the above QUOTE was found in the "Lush Life" book it was recently brought to my attention that the line first came from Robert Frost (1874–1963) in his poem, THE ROAD NOT TAKEN (circa 1920):

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 18, 1985
Saturday

Rachelle drove home nervously. She knew she was supposed to have spent the night at Lisa’s house and had this fear of being caught. We departed with a lot of hugs and kisses.

I went to mom’s house for breakfast and made the mistake of asking her a question.
“Mom, is a woman more susceptible of becoming pregnant while she is on her period?”
I learned that she got suspicious later and spoke to my dad about it.
I guided Sherri and Mom to my Aunt Lillian’s house for Sandy Gallegos’ bridal shower in Castro Valley. Helen rode with me in my car.
Helen said, “I’ll be babysitting Nicole for all of next Memorial Day weekend.”
“That should be fun,” I said with a smile.
“Yeah, maybe you could capture Ashley and they could play together.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

I drove to Rachelle’s house after dropping Helen off at the bridal shower. Rachelle was talking to a friend of her brothers.
“My brother’s friend termed you as my new-waver boyfriend,” Rachelle said.
I laughed and then said, “How did he know I liked New Wave kind of music?”

Rachelle and I left after a brief wrestling act. She did not want me to see her bedroom. We headed for Stoneridge Mall in Pleasanton and shopped around. She bought a couple of tapes that I helped her choose. We ate at A&W. I thought we made a cute couple.

I decided to drive back to Castro Valley with the convertible top down. She got a kick out of it.
I said, “I’m not sure if I want to go out tonight.”
Rachelle tends to become her usual hyperactive self when I say things like this. She moaned.
“I am just going home to nap and I can call you later, then maybe we can see a flick.”
“Just tell me right now what our plans will be,” Rachelle insisted.
“I don’t want to decide right now. Let’s play it by ear and be spontaneous!”
I could tell she was still not happy.

I ended up at my mom’s house where I took a much needed nap. I telephoned Rachelle and we decided against going out tonight. We talked on the phone a bit and she decided to name my cock “Rod” or “Rodney”. I thought that was funny but I approved of the name.

Mom, Dad and I watched four or five episodes of I LOVE LUCY. It was so much fun.

I decided to telephone Rachelle at 1:15AM. She moaned and groaned when she answered her private line. She didn’t remember the phone call in the morning. She was tired, too.

He had kissed me too, a natural business, comforting and quiet. Not dramatic as in books. Not embarrassing. It seemed to bring about an ease in our relationship, it made everything more simple.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

Read More

Hot Chocolate Craving

We began to kiss one another, feverishly, desperately, like guilty lovers who have not kissed before.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

Twenty-five years ago today

May 17, 1985
Friday

Work flew by fast today. I was really keeping myself busy.

By high noon Dale and I went to the corner of Market Street and Montgomery for lunch. We took random pictures of whatever we thought looked good. To our surprise a parade took place with many military men trooping up Market Street. It allowed for some interesting snapshots.

After work I came home and received some “shitty” news about my IRS refund. It seems the IRS has no record of ever receiving my 1040 Form, so I have to resend it! That pisses me off. I was expecting my $835.00 refund any day now. What a letdown!

The phone rang and it was Rachelle.
“I’ll be over there between eight-thirty and nine o’clock,” she said.
“Okay, I might go to the gym.”

While I was at the gym during my hour and a half round of working out Rachelle arrived. We decided to leave together and grabbed a brief bite at SIZZLER. She’d eaten already, so I ate and then we drove over to my house. It was funny how Rachelle recognized Alameda from when she lived there briefly as a little girl.

It was suddenly 10PM and we ended up going upstairs to make love. She was supposed to be spending the night at Lisa’s house (her friend). We did it at least twice during the night and once in the morning. She had an oral sex tactic of awakening me during the night that I thought was very erotic. It felt good. She’s extra special. I love the sex we share together. I love Ms. Rachelle Davies. She has a bit of growing up to do but I love it. I want to be there to help her grow. We finally slept after a brief awakening at two o’clock in the morning to fulfill a hot chocolate craving.

"You got to roll with it."
-Richard Price
"Lush Life"

Read More

When One Is Very Happy

PHOTO: Brian Buzzini, 80's Male Super Model

When one is very happy, all things seem beautiful.
-James Mitchell Clarke
"Luis of Guadalajara"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 16, 1985
Thursday

Dale talks about Dee being possessive of him---but what about his possessiveness over me! He admitted to being jealous over my relationship with Steffanya. He was also very glad about my decision NOT to marry Paloma. He needs to break away some and allow some space from me. I am sure he has inner feelings for me that make me feel uncomfortable (ugh). Now that I dwell on it, “Give me a break!”

Dale and I went up to Union Square to see a Fashion show. I took only one or two pictures because I was positioned wrong and I could not really see everything due to all of the heads in the audience. I did see male model, Brian Buzzini. I managed to get a photo of Brian Buzzini, modeling in his underwear. His body definition is where I hope my body will reach sooner versus later.

Rachelle called me at work. We’re both looking forward to Friday night. Tonight she plans to come to visit me. I’m happy about that.

Dale and Ryan asked me to go to aerobics class with them tonight.
“I’ll have to do it another time because Rachelle is coming by tonight,” I said.

Danny Garcia called me at work also. I returned his call and it seems it’s over between him and Robert.
Danny said, “They are converting our apartments into condominiums, so we’re moving to San Ramon. I am looking for another place to live.”
“I’m sure you’ll find something,” I said, knowing full well that he hoped I’d offer him a space to live at my pad. I refrained from the suggestion because I am pleased and satisfied with the way things are right now. Marty is my sole roommate and he’s easy. In fact, if Marty continues to be my roommate until the end of this year I will have my VISA and MasterCard fully paid off (provided I do not go on charging my credit cards).

Rachelle came by my place only fifteen minutes after I had returned from mom’s house. I went to deliver mom’s earrings and rap with Dad for a few minutes.

Rachelle and I kissed and we almost went upstairs to my bedroom until I stood tall and made the decision of going to the Ice-Cream dock. Rachelle is very sensual. I like that but I don’t know where this could lead. I want to get more serious but I’m a little scared over the idea. Her girlfriends degrade me without even knowing me---just because they think I am twenty-three years old. Rachelle’s mom believes I am twenty-three, too. Rachelle and I plan to tell them ‘way later’ that I am twenty-six (in ten days).

After our cheeseburger we went to my house. Marty was there and I got a message that Sherri had called. It seems that Marty met Sherri for the first time as she saw him drive into my garage. What a big thrill. Anyway, the big news of Sherri’s day was that she is going to work as a receptionist from 8-5pm at BRADY Empire’s Personnel Agency in San Francisco. This means that we may be driving into The City together. That’ll be fun. As I am writing I just had a brainstorm idea. Maybe Sherri’s mom (Janet Lewis) can drive to Sherri’s everyday and we could all carpool. Her mom works for Bank of America in The City. Who knows?

Rachelle and I went upstairs to my bedroom. And yes, we entertained each other once again. Rachelle was just nervous about Marty hearing anything. Marty was probably wondering what was going on with Rachelle and I in my bedroom. Well, we fucked. I should not be so blatant. We really ‘made love’ and it felt so good. She’s a true sensuous goddess. I love the feel of her. She left my house by 9:40PM and she got to her house by 10:15PM.

A lilac had mated with a copper beech, and to bind them yet more closely to one another the malevolent ivy, always an enemy to grace, had thrown her tendrils about the pair and made them prisoners.
-Daphne du Maurier
"Rebecca"

Read More

Thank You for Listening

Author, HENRY JAMES...had a love affair in 1865 with OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.
"The love in HENRY JAMES's fiction is always problematic, but it's still love."
-Christopher Bram
"Mapping the Territory"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 15, 1985
Wednesday

Again I arrived to work early. During our first break (Dale and I) had a few nibbles of some of the cafeteria food. Sue Leigh joined us. Sue, Dale and other office peers are banding together against “RD-ing”. “RD” is the Research and Development term used for aspiring Account Executives who want to get promoted and take-on the tasks of the Assistant Managers. They are banding together against it because the special research projects seem pointless as those employees who are “RD-ing” failed the ASR (Account Service Rep) testing. There is no ‘Ready Now’ binder for upgrades to management for them, so why do the “RD-ing”?

At lunchtime Dale and I scouted a Photo Lab because they were giving free photo albums. They ran out of them when we got there at noon. Yet, Margaret and Angela had their lunch at one o’clock and were able to get photo albums for free! Dale called as a very irate customer. And so now we are going to get our free photo albums after all.

I treated Dale to the Pizza Boat lunch place. We returned to work and I was feeling sleepy and overworked.

I telephone mom and learned that she has been taping I LOVE LUCY episodes daily on Channel 2 at nine o’clock in the morning. I had asked her to do so and I was happy. I needed time to laugh and those episodes will help.

I called Rachelle Davies at 2:15PM, feeling sure that she would not be there. She was there! She told me later that evening how happy she was to hear from me. I have been thinking a lot about her. After all, what we shared last Saturday night is a rarity in my book. It was really special to me. To put it plainly…I want more. If it feels good…do it.

After work I went home to gather my gear and went to the gym. Rachelle was there with Bill (her mom’s coworker). He’s the one with the hairy back. He’s pretty nice though.

Rachelle and I worked out together but I didn’t ride the Life Cycle. I was going through a guilt trip for not riding it. We went to Orange Julius and the RECORD FACTORY where I bought her a card. I also bought cards for Dale (for his baby shower) and one for Ryan (with a $20 gift certificate because his apartment burned down). On May 24th, the office is giving Dale a ‘baby shower’. That day will also be my office Birthday celebration.

Rachelle is very touchy-feely. I love when she touches me, especially in the crotch area or the ass. We’re moving along so well, so fast. It’s a bit scary. She does need to grow up a bit. She has to stop slurring her words so quickly. Sometimes I cannot understand her.

We gave a lot of ‘see you later’ kisses at about 8:45PM while in the Nautilus parking lot. I raced home in my car to catch DYNASTY. It was a good episode. Amanda and Prince Michael had a shootout at their wedding after they were pronounced man and wife. Ouch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7KOvzLSFKI&feature=PlayList&p=5458B3E5F0BC05FF&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=2

Dale called me with urgent news. Apparently, Dee left him a note and she left him! Dale was kind of down but he was willing to tell me the whole story.
“Michael, I have to tell you. Dee and I made a tentative arrangement after I broke it off with Kevin in 1983. We made a deal that we’d move-in together in January 1984. We were going to work on having a child because we both wanted one.”
“So that’s what happened!”
“Yeah, and I kept reminding Dee that I was still attracted to men. I made it clear that I would never relinquish this fact. And well…she always seemed to block that out.”
“So what happened?”
“She began to fall in love with me. So I decided to move out until she got pregnant in July 1984. And that’s when I decided to marry Dee in December 1984 for legal reasons. You see, Andrew is the most important person in my life right now.”
“I can understand.”
“And as of lately, Dee is really possessive and wants me around all the time.”
“I can understand that, too,” I said.
“I don’t always call when she wants me to, so it turned into a big fight.”
“So that’s why she moved out?”
“Yeah…we had a big argument with my mother about it. Dee told me not to worry and that she’d cover everything up so the Jones’s wouldn’t whisper about it all.”
“Didn’t that make you feel good?”
“The last thing I’m concerned about is what others think,” Dale said, taking a deep breath.

Dale was so ‘down and out’. We also brushed up on his molestation by his real father at such a young age. I felt bad for him because I can’t imagine how mind-boggling that could be. I think that is most likely why Dale has this recurring nervous stutter.
Dale continued, “Michael, I want to thank you for listening.”
“It’s okay. I have to tell you something, too. I’m not sure about my relationship with Rachelle and where it’s leading. We made love last Saturday night and I didn’t even know that she was only seventeen. She’s so young.”
“I agree that she’s young, but she’s really sweet,” Dale said, reassuringly.
I didn’t expect him to say that.

When I got off the phone I called Rachelle and we had a half-awake and half-asleep talk about one another. We’re both happy about how things are.
I kept saying, “Only time will tell.”
I heard her yawn.
“Did you see that movie called ‘Falling In Love’?”
“No.”
“You should see it. It reminds me of us.”

I may go to aerobics class with Rachelle tomorrow night. I could go to aerobics class with Dale and Ryan but I don’t think I will. I may just go home and rest for a change.

I bought mom some powder blue earrings that I will likely drop off tonight.

Dolores Godfrey, my ex-tub mate at work, is going to get fired after eight years of service to the company due to poor attendance patterns. How sad is that?

The company phone bill came yesterday and there were three phone calls to France. If I am confronted at work I shall have to admit to making two or three overseas calls by way of my calling card. If there’s a continuing problem I may have ‘pretend’ poison oak for a week and perhaps go to Palm Springs to recuperate. I will just play it cool and act innocent. It may be Academy-Award nominee time soon.


"I'm eighty years plus. There are things I regret NOT doing and people I regret not fighting more."
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

Read More

Sharpen Your Wits

Oh, it was like a life from the pages of a magazine for a while.
-Morag Joss
"Half Broken Things"

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 14, 1985
Tuesday

I made it to work and after writing my journal entry (seated in my car in my quiet parking lot) I headed for the company cafeteria for a meal or a freshly baked muffin.

Dale finally found the handout we received about the San Francisco Greeting Card show. It is in early June and we plan to attend.

I got a surprise phone call at 11:45AM from Rachelle who was downstairs in the lobby of my building!
“I wanted to surprise you for lunch,” she said.
Dale had told me earlier that Jill (Ryan) was going to join us for lunch. And so, it was Sabrina, Jill, Rachelle and ‘me’ for lunch. We went to Emporium. I was sure that Rachelle thought Brie and Jill (Dale and Ryan) were a bit on the wild side. If not, I sure feel that way at times. Rachelle inspired me to go to their aerobics class, too. So I did.

I also ‘charged’ a pair of fifty-dollar tennis shoes at Emporium. They were well needed and deserved since I had not bought a pair in so very long.

I exchanged a few kisses to Rachelle a couple of times. She touched my ass a couple of times (casually), too. I liked it. I thought it was neat. I’m romantically inclined. I guess I could say ‘Falling In Love’ like the title of that movie, starring Robert DeNiro and Meryl Streep.

After lunch we ran into Stephanie, my supervisor. I briefly introduced her to Rachelle. Both Steph and Ryan shared the same comment about Rachelle later that day: “She is cute.”
“I knew that,” I thought.

Dale, Ryan and I went to the aerobics class and I felt I was doing rather well until I pooped-out after thirty-five minutes. I wanted to skip the class and go across the street to do the Nautilus equipment. I normally don’t work out on Tuesday. I complied with their wishes, being the cooperative, accommodating person that I am by completing the class.

I could not stand the ‘much too loud’ blood/Motown music that Dale played while riding in the back seat of his car. We drove to Joe’s pad (Ryan’s lover) after the aerobic workout. We had to search for Dale’s lost keys at one point. I drank some guava juice. I was so thirsty.

The little workout we had turned out to be so worthless because we went to Joe’s for a complete Mexican dinner. I felt so stuffed afterward. Great! That was a worthless workout. Dale was being somewhat mean to Kelly (my Charlie’s Angels name), too. He always seems to cut-me-down and pick on me when we are with other people. I don’t like it. I got even by teasing Dale, calling him the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Ryan kept cutting some old smelly farts. I yelled at him.
“Ryan! Drink more water to clear your system. One’s gas doesn’t normally rank in odor unless they’re eating the wrong foods!”
Ryan just laughed it off.
I allowed Dale to borrow my tape cassette of music with classic Alternative Rock tunes that I made from May to July of 1983. It included songs like CASH FLOW by Leisure Process and GIGOLO.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sIG9ALShyc

I arrived home by 11PM and yearned to call Rachelle. I didn’t though. I was horny but just keeled over and fell asleep.

Oh yeah, while in the locker room at the gym there was a blond dude that Brie and Jill were all hyped up about. I got the sneaking suspicion he had eyes for Kelly (yes, me). Eerie. Kelly tried to ignore that sort of attention.

Better, far better that you exaggerate in this direction and that you fancy yourself to be somehow superior. But you must understand me properly. I am a human being like you. I'm as many centuries more impatient as I am older than you.
...And drink some wine, to sharpen your wits.
-Franz Kafka
"The Hunger Gracchus: A Fragment"

Read More

The Ice is Broken

When I went to bed that night I thought: Well, the ice is broken and now we get into another phase of our relationship. But I certainly had no idea how deep that phase would get or how unexpectedly the course of it was to run--talk about your ups and downs!
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times, Bad Times", a novel

Remembering Peter Schilling made me think of a great song I loved by him from 1983 called 'Terra Titanic'. He was a New Wave German sensation who was way ahead of his time. This song/music video proves it when I listen to it today (give the video 20 seconds before the music starts):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmxsLj6rUh4&feature=related

I absolutely LOVE it!  Peter Schilling's voice is "IT".

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 13, 1985
Monday

I arrived at work fairly early. Dale’s carpool arrived shortly after (Dale, Al and Tim). We all went inside the cafeteria for a bite to eat.

I was going to sign the E-Time request list when I learned there was no list today. I made a special request with Stephanie (my boss) to see if I could leave at one o’clock.
I explained, “I am meeting a very special someone for lunch.”
“I’ll let you know at noon,” Stephanie said.
My fingers were crossed.

At 11:50AM or so Rachelle telephoned per a message from conceited Hal Gill. I picked up the line and spoke to her.
“Hi. I’m at the Blum’s corner of Market and New Montgomery,” Rachelle stated, sounding all childish and hyper.
I could tell she was anxious and excited about my showing up there. I reassured her that I’d be there soon. I just wish she’d relax and be patient. She needn’t be so ‘antsy’ at times.

I had to take care of a customer, so I asked Dale to go to the corner where she was waiting.
“Just tell her I’ll be there shortly.”
“Don’t worry,” Dale replied.
I figured she had met Dale at Ashley’s Birthday party, so she will feel at ease when she sees him.
Apparently, Rachelle was scared and in shock because some old construction worker confronted her.
Rachelle thought he was drunk.
The construction worker said, “Hey Babe! I’ll give you a hundred dollars for you to suck my dick.”
She was in shock when she heard these words.
The construction worker goon continued, “What’s the matter…you are a whore aren’t you? You fuckin’ slut.”
I’m glad I sent Dale beforehand. He helped and it was even better when I came to the rescue.

Rachelle, Dale and I went to WENDY’s and ate out on the Market Street steps. Dale rummaged through all of the photos that were in her wallet. He was so snoopy that he was even reading the backside of the photos. I laughed. Rachelle laughed, too. We ran into coworkers (Eileen and Fernando). I began to wonder if they wondered about Rachelle’s identity. I did not introduce her to them.

We walked back to my building. Dale went upstairs. Rachelle and I went to my car and Mary Molesky (another Pac Bell employee) saw us.
Mary Molesky said, “Ummm…I’m gonna tell.”
We thought that was funny. We got situated inside of my car and I put the convertible top down despite her ranting and pouting. She was so antsy. It’s a quality I dislike. I made a point to tell her so on this very night.

We went to my house and it turned into a bloody good show on Marty’s Howard Johnson’s white towel….our episode will have to be continued on Friday night. It was funny though. We just laughed about it.

We stopped by mom’s house. Rachelle did not want to get out of the car because she was feeling antsy, nervous and had a run in her nylon. I thought she was being overly childish. What an excuse! I couldn’t believe it. Nevertheless, my mom came outside and spoke a few friendly words to the both of us. Then we drove off. We went to the gym and had a good workout.

Rachelle said, “That one guy with the moustache who works at the gym was asking me where my friend was.”
“You mean, me?”
“Yes…who else? So I said to him, you mean Michael? And when he nodded I told him you were in the locker room.”
“He probably likes you,” I said.
“He made a point of asking if we were an item.”
“And what did you say?”
She shrugged. “I just said we were very good friends.”
I frowned.
Then she started laughing and said, “I only said it because I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to say.”
“So, what did he say when you said that?”
“He just said ‘Oh, I see’,” Rachelle answered.

Rachelle also ran into a guy named Bill (a friend of Rachelle’s mom and ex-coworker). I learned that for quite a while now that her mom and Bill were teasing Rachelle to get to know me. Bill was going to introduce me to Rachelle.
“I had no idea,” I said.
Rachelle confessed, “You wouldn’t believe all of the little things that went on. But I did want to get to know you…and now I did.”
“I didn’t even know you noticed me.”
“Yep. I wanted to know you because you would come to work out and not really talk or flirt with anyone and leave.”
After tonight’s workout we went to Bay Fair Shopping Mall for an Orange Julius and browsed at the RECORD FACTORY. Rachelle bought “Chill of the Night” by Peter Schilling as a 45 LP record and ended up leaving it in my car.

We decided on dinner at HORATIO’s in San Leandro. She followed me in her car to the San Leandro Marina. We had a quaint dinner together. We said our intimate kissing goodbyes in my car. And I felt frustrated, having not ejaculated.
I told her, “I’m sexually frustrated but I guess the night of being together should make up for that.”
She said, “Ahhhh,” and we kissed some more until we parted ways.

I drove home and Marty was watching ‘my’ TV.
Marty said, “I ran out of gas and was running through the Alameda Golf Course with a gas can, wearing a three piece suit.”
I laughed and was happy that he was enjoying the TV.

I turned in to bed by 9:30PM and telephoned Rachelle. We talked until almost 11PM. We talked of how we missed each other. She disclosed information about her ex-boyfriend named Joe.
“He’s a wrestler,” she said.

After I urged her to tell me, she told me about a whipped cream experience with him on top of his ‘you know what’. We laughed about it. I also asked her about Chuck (from our gym).
“Oh, Chuck just liked me more than I liked him,” Rachelle confessed.
She even went back to the farthest recesses of her mind when she was in third grade. There was a carpenter who wanted her to touch his cock.
“Well, you need to erase that one out of your mind,” I said, “That’s really bad.”
“Yeah, I know. I can’t wait until Friday,” Rachelle said.
“Me too, but tell me more about Chuck. Is he out of the picture?”
“I think so. He was always jealous of Joe.”
“Is there anyone else?”
“Well, there’s this guy named Jim DeLeuze in Walnut Creek who always calls. He even sent me flowers on Mother’s Day.”
“Oh great,” I said.
“And Joe’s brother has been calling and wanting to take me out now. He’s a year or two older and I don’t want anything to do with him.”
“Geez, you’re so popular.”
I was thinking ‘Time Will Tell’ and then I must say…after last Saturday night ‘Time Did Tell’.

It was hilarious when Rachelle and I left at 2PM from San Francisco today. We saw Dale up on the third floor window waving to us.
Rachelle had made a comment while Dale was rummaging through her wallet that keeps ringing in my mind: “And he’s your best-friend?”
I must say. Dale is my best buddy at this point. I love that good buddy. I miss his company sometimes. He makes me laugh and he means well. Anyhow, I am all INTO Rachelle now. I am so missing her. I want to explore her so much more.

What a fantastic world, where unspoken wishes are granted. How could anyone be anything but happy here?
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Read More

Where is Rachelle Davies Now?

"I decided to become a 'mench'. Do you know what that means...'a human being'."
-Jack Lemmon
"The Apartment" (1960 Film)

The last time I saw Rachelle Davies was the last week of January 2000. I remember the month and year because my mother had just passed away on January 24, 2000 and I was returning to Los Angeles. I was with Alan Freiman and we were at the Oakland International Airport. I heard her voice out of nowhere.
“Oh my God, it’s Michael Armijo!”
“Rachelle?”
It was all so surreal. I was still in mourning and to see Rachelle out-of-the blue was wonderful (and strange) at the same time. I introduced her to Alan.
“This is my partner, Alan.”
“Hello,” Alan said, wondering 'who in the heck is this'.
“So what are you doing here? Are you coming or going?” I asked.
“I’m going. Here’s my card.”
I looked at the card: ‘Rachelle Davies, San Ramon, Police Detective’.
“So, you really did it. That’s great,” I said as I remembered she always wanted to study criminal justice.
I learned that she never married but was living with a police officer who was divorced and shared custody of his child (a young boy I believe). There was no time to speak much longer. I wrote her a letter or two but she never wrote back.

When I did an online search I read this tidbit from December 27, 2001:
SAN RAMON, Calif. _ Police arrested the former president of a youth football club Thursday on suspicion of embezzling more than $14,000 from the organization last winter. The Contra Costa District Attorney's Office issued an arrest warrant last week for Art Cervantes, 41, charging him with using the San Ramon Bears bank account to write checks to his wife, make auto payments, shop at area stores and pay his telephone bill between October 2000 and March 2001.
"Eventually, he opened two checking accounts in his own name and transferred the balance (from the Bears account) into them," said San Ramon police Detective Rachelle Davies, who investigated the case.
In my continued online search I found this tidbit from January 11, 2005:
The City of San Ramon made a special presentation for the Recognition of Detective Rachelle Davies for her service to the San Ramon Police Department. The award was presented by Mayor Wilson.

Twenty-five years ago today:

May 12, 1985
Sunday

Mom telephoned me at 7:15AM. That’s unforgivably early. I went over there with Tony and Helen’s wedding gift and Tony’s birthday gift. I had breakfast and then took a nap.

Sherri was interested in bike riding later.
I said, “Okay, let’s go for a ride.”
Dale had said he would come by and bike ride, too; then he changed his mind and went to San Francisco instead to hang out with Ryan and his beau, Joe.
“Before you go, Dale, I have a question.”
“Yes?”
“Is a girl more susceptible to pregnancy on her second day of her period or less susceptible?”
“Less…but it depends because every woman’s different,” Dale replied.
I am still a trite worried as I continued to explain to Dale.
“Well, I’m only asking because Rachelle’s girlfriend has this problem.”
I hope Dale did not think it was me with this problem. I am not going to tell anyone about it. I am especially not telling anyone that Rachelle is really born on February 18, 1968 (seventeen years ago). Ouch.

Sherri and I went bike riding to SAFEWAY. Sherri bought Tony a birthday card from Ashley. That was sweet. We went to mom’s house on our bikes. Tony and Helen came by and opened their gifts. They brought bread and salami from the market.

By 1:30PM Sherri and I left for the Islandia Pool and Recreation Center to lay out there with her friend, Heidi. Ashley loved playing in the pool. She wanted to go into the water all by herself.

I rode my bike to mom’s house again and Tony and Helen were still there! Once I arrived they left (but not because I had just returned—I don’t think). I returned to my house to shower when Dale telephoned again.
“I was thinking of coming over to have dinner with you.”
I persuaded him not to, so I could go to mom’s and eat and lounge with her for the remainder of Mother’s Day.

I telephoned Rachelle and she’s coming to meet me for lunch in San Francisco tomorrow. She will accompany Dale and me for lunch.
“I’ll try to get the remainder of the day off, so we can spend some time in the City,” I said excitedly.
“Okay, it will be fun.”
“Oh yeah, I wanted to ask if you might come with me to my cousin Sandra’s wedding on June 1st?”
“I’m pretty sure I can.”
“Good, then let’s plan on it.”

There’s a new song by Peter Schilling (the one who sings that MAJOR TOM that I love) called CHILL OF THE NIGHT. I think it’s so perfect for Rachelle because she always gets so cold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7URUV9XKKuo 



Rachelle plans to spend the night with me next Friday and then we’ll spend Saturday Day shopping.

Marty was home by 4PM. I know he went to the Islandia Swimming Pool because he arrived through the front door with the red Homeowner’s tag on his wrist.

I went to mom’s house and she made steak sandwiches and cheeseburgers. I had cranapple juice with my meal. I was feeling tired, so I took a short nap. Then I watched “MALICE IN WONDERLAND”, starring Elizabeth Taylor and Jane Alexander with mom. It was pretty good.

After the movie I went home and read a note (from Marty) for me to call Frank before 9PM. I arrived home at 11PM, so I didn’t call. I wonder what Frank’s ‘head trip’ is now.

It seems everyone liked Rachelle Davies today. Helen raved to Tony about her. Mom liked her, too. Grandma did, too. My Grandma was wondering if she was the one who is Spanish (Paloma).
“She’s cute,” John said, approvingly.
Mom told me that Sherri had whispered to her with regard to Rachelle, “Hmmm, very interesting.”
Rachelle played it good with her low-profile and all. Lunch should be fun with her tomorrow. I still can’t get over the fact that we’ve already consummated our relationship. She seemed to know what she was doing, so I guess her old beau, Joe, showed her some of the ropes. Now it’s my job to teach her the ‘good stuff’. Ha-ha.

Tony and Helen liked (and appreciated) my gift.
What was the way Tony said it?
“It was a tasteful gift.”

"No one's too old for gifts."
-"An Affair To Remember" (1957 Film)

Read More