Waiting and Wondering

A body without bones would be a limp impossible mess, so a day without a steady routine would be disruptive and chaotic.
-May Sarton, July 25, 1993
At Eighty-Two, A Journal

Twenty-five years ago today

October 29, 1985
Tuesday

My phone rang at 6:45AM and the unknown caller simply ‘hung up’. It’s no bigee. That’s expected when you first change your telephone number.

It is Leonard’s Birthday today. I wonder if he received the cookies I sent him. I wonder if I should gift him something else. Maybe I will wait until Christmas.

It feels good to go on with my Monday. I like to just plain play it by ear instead of waiting and wondering about what’s up Leonard’s sleeve—or anyone else’s sleeve for that matter. For things to change one has got to change. I am changing for the better for my own well-being.

I did not feel too productive at work today. It was mainly because half of my day was spent sitting through Larry Elkington’s boring sales skills class.

I did call Leonard and briefly spoke to his brother (I guess).
I said, “Happy Birthday!”
He said, “I’m not Leonard.”
“Oh, well could you give him the message from his friend, Mike?”

At 5:45PM Leonard telephoned me at my house. He sounded ever so calm and seemed happy to be talking to me.
“Thank you so much for the cookies you sent.”
“Oh, I’m glad they arrived.”
“It was funny because you reminded my brother about my Birthday.”
“I guess that’s a good thing.”
“Yes. I will call you in the next couple of days.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
I thought, “It’s a FAT CHANCE that he’ll call me. He’s so damn busy.”
Leonard was going to dinner at his folk’s house tonight. I will try NOT to dwell on his good company and just plain ‘wait it out’ (I guess).

I was recalling one conversation I’d had with Leonard. He was engaged to Laura Shakla, a rich one. They broke it off because she was too dependent on him. Hmm…?

I dream of Michael J of Beverly Hills and my Michael J Magazine. I suppose that’s all it will be though…a dream (?). Time will tell, I suppose.

Leonardo is going to give me the push to quit my current job for greener pastures. I know he will. He’s already hinted. I am scared to leave the security of it all at times. However, I need to take the risk. I wish I could spend more time with Leonard to talk about these things. He’s just so busy and tied up in his own world.

I babysat my niece, Ashley, for a little over an hour last night. Ashley likes my company, so that’s good. It made me feel good. She’s a doll.

I wanted to exercise tonight but Cedric Green called me during the start of my aerobics. He talks up a storm, so I couldn’t get involved with my floor exercises.
Cedric shrugged, “You know, Mike, we ought to go out this Saturday night!”
“I don’t know about that but it sounds like a good idea.”
“Well, think about it. You know it would be fun.”
Cedric wants to go out but I really don’t feel like going out with him.

I wonder how Leonard’s party at Bob Hope’s house will turn out. I wish I could go. I couldn’t resist and pulled-up Leonard’s telephone bill. I saw calls to Pat Montandon, Porsche Audi and his mom in Pleasanton (I guess). There were also some calls to a guy named Matt Baker in Richmond. Who is Matt is beyond me. (?)

Tomorrow I want to use my lunch hour for a visit to Emporium. I want to get Leonard a scarf and sweater (or something like that) for his birthday. He deserves it. After all turning twenty-nine on the 29th is a once-in-a-lifetime event.


Youth is not really innocent because it is too full of curiosity about the mysteries of life with the sexual door usually only half open. Old age is the truly innocent time, I think.
-May Sarton, Auguts 8, 1993
"At Eighty-Two, A Journal"